Toasty Warm
by jmolly
Summary: E & B get married. Finally. 2009 Twi Award Finalist. All our favourite peeps,caught up in the romance, plus a bit of trouble from Jake. UE Series #5.
1. Chapter 1

**Toasty Warm**

**Sequel to Prenuptual Posturing, in the Unforeseen Events Series. Rated M for later chapters. All belongs to Stephenie Meyer. B and E wed. Romance, humour, hurt and comfort. The Cullens and Hales, The Denalis, Charlie, The Dwyers, The Clearwaters, Jacob, Sam, Ang and Ben, the Forks High acquaintances.**

**Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. BD, Chapter 3 is quoted and/or paraphrased.  
**

**The traditional Christian wedding ceremony was created using: /christianweddingelements/a/weddingoutlinedothtm**

**I Corinthians 13, NKJ Bible is used.**

**Music belongs to its respective owners. Listen to it on YouTube. Nothing belongs to me, and no profit is being made from this work.**

**Playlist:**

**'Seek Ye First (In the setting of Pachelbel's Canon)' by K. Lafferty, arr. By Gail Smith (Prelude)**

**'River Flows In You', Yiruma (Processional)**

******'It's Your Day', Yiruma (Signing of the Register)**

******'Comme au Premier Jour', Andre Gagnon (Recessional)**

**Visit me on my webpage, which is linked to my profile. Drawings of the Cullens in their wedding clothes are being posted. Ya know ya want to see the dress. And I had to design one, because there's nothing vintage on the Net resembling anything Stephenie made canon. I have OCD, if you haven't noticed.**

******Dear Friend,**

******You are cordially invited to the wedding of Isabella Marie Swan and Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen. All are welcome. Please review to sign the Guest Book.**

_She was coming to me. Coming into view. My Bella. My everything. There was nothing in the world but her. Nothing, nobody between her and me. She was coming to me. Just a second more, and I would see her..._

_Oh, God! God! Oh, God, thank You. Bella is so beautiful in her gown. Bella is made for me, only me. Let me lay myself down as a gift for her. God! _

_Come to me my Bella, my heart. Come to me, and let this soul sing again for the rest of his days. Have I been transfigured? I don't remember ever being so warm. _

_Love burst out of this cold body, and warmed every part of me. It radiated to Bella, and I felt it bounce back to me and make an infinity circle of fire between us. Our eyes locked together joyfully, and I feasted on her visage, triumphant. _

(Prenuptual Posturing, Chapter 23)

**Chapter 1: I Take Thee, Isabella**

**Edward's pov**

The assembled guests stood as Bella closed the short distance between us. My bride stood before me, hidden under her veil, splendid. Fire and light.

Charlie cleared his throat in amusement. _Kid doesn't even see me trying to shake hands with him. He'll value my girl. She's all he sees. _

Oh, yeah. I was supposed to shake hands. Huh. Vampires don't forget. Bella was dazzling me. She was some distraction! I shook Charlie's hand. Distractedly. _My_ girl, now.

Her heart beat steadily, strong and true. Bella was not the least bit nervous. She leaned toward me and whispered under her breath, "Edward, love, I am so thrilled to be marrying you today." My sappy heart melted. Figuratively. All the vampires said 'aw' under their breath. I tried not to fall apart at the seams. Renee was sobbing already. Oh, wait, so was Esme. The females were going to get me started for sure. Rosalie gathered her bouquet from the top of the piano and went to stand beside Angela.

"Is anyone, here present, aware of any just cause that these two may not be wed?" our minister asked severely. I felt myself freeze, but there was silence. Not a peep. Not even a negative thought from Sue or Billy. Thank God. I forced myself to relax and Bella copied me. Renee sobbed hugely. I barely noticed.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, in the presence of these witnesses, and in memory of Elizabeth Masen, Edward Masen Senior and Marie Swan, to join together Isabella Marie Swan and Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen in holy matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God. It is, therefore, not to be entered into unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God. Into this holy estate these two persons come now to be joined.

"Let us reverently remember that God has established and sanctified marriage, for the welfare and happiness of mankind.

"Our Savior has instructed that a man shall forsake his father and mother and cleave to his wife. By His apostles, He has instructed those who enter into this relation to cherish a mutual esteem and love, to bear with each other's infirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble, and sorrow; in honesty and industry to provide for each other and for their household in temporal things; to pray for and encourage each other in the things which pertain to God; and to live together as heirs of the grace of life."

Carlisle stood straighter in his place next to me, beaming down at Esme in the front row. They were remembering their own vows. In fact, every married couple in the room was doing so.

"Heavenly Father, Isabella and Edward are now about to vow their unending loyalty to each other. We ask you to accept the shared treasure of their life together, which they now create and offer to You. Grant them everything they need, that they may increase in their knowledge of You throughout their life together. In the name of Jesus. Amen."

"The congregation may now be seated." There was a flurry of sound as everyone sat. Bella handed her bouquet to Alice. I stared at my love, and she smiled up at me. So serene. So certain. My angel.

"Doubly blessed is the couple which comes to the marriage altar with the approval and blessings of their families and friends. Who gives this woman?" asked Mr. Weber.

"Her mother and I do," answered Charlie, a little gruffly. Charlie kissed Bella's cheek. Then, he took my hand and joined it with Bella's. Bliss. Her scent, mingled with those of perfumes, flowers, satin and lace, wafted up between us. To my surprise, Charlie reached up, took hold of my ears, and kissed me on the forehead. Imagine that! Why wasn't I blushing? Oh. Bella was doing it for me.

Charlie moved to sit in the front row with Renee and Phil. I tucked Bella's hand into the crook of my arm and we faced Mr. Weber. Angela smiled fondly. _My favourite verse. _ Her father took up his Bible and read First Corinthians 13:

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have _the gift of_ prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed _the poor,_ and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

"Love suffers long _and_ is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  
Love never fails. But whether _there are_ prophecies, they will fail; whether _there are_ tongues, they will cease; whether _there is_ knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these _is_ love."

"I charge you both, as you stand here in this high moment of your lives, to remember that love and loyalty alone will stand as the foundations of a happy and enduring home. Keep the vows you make this day, and your life together will be full of joy and peace, and the home which you make shall abide through every unknown future. This commitment shall be symbolized by the giving of rings." Carlisle handed me Bella's ring, and Alice handed Bella mine. We passed them to Mr. Weber and he put them in the open Bible.

"In this new life together, I counsel you to recall ever anew the thrill of your early love. Cherish always the visions and hopes you have this day, and let them not be tarnished by common events or routine habit. Believe in your ideals for this marriage, and diligently pursue them, and they shall indeed become realities.

**  
**"I charge you both to make your love for each other a growing part of your lives, feeding it from the very best resources of your living. Give of yourself to the other, deeply and freely and generously, placing the welfare of the other before your own."

Bella and I turned to face each other. She placed both hands in mine. The moment I had been waiting for, for over 80 years, was upon us.

"Edward Anthony, will you have Isabella Marie to be your wife, to live together as friend and mate? Will you love her as a person, respect her as an equal, sharing joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat, and keep her beside you as long as you both shall live?"

"I, Edward Anthony, take you, Isabella Marie, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish as long as we both shall live. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness," I declared strongly.

"Isabella Marie, will you have Edward Anthony to be your husband, to live together as friend and mate? Will you love him as a person, respect him as an equal, sharing joy as well as sorrow, triumph as well as defeat, and keep him beside you as long as you both shall live?"

"I, Isabella Marie, take you, Edward Anthony, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." A fat tear leaked out of each of Bella's eyes behind the thin veil. I resisted the temptation to kiss them away.

Mr Weber held up our wedding bands. "Father God, bless these rings which Isabella and Edward have set apart to be visible signs of the inward and spiritual bond which unites their hearts. As they give and receive these rings, may they testify to the world of the covenant made between them here."

Mr. Weber handed me Bella's ring. I sucked in a breath and tried not to cry. "Dearest Isabella, receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect and my love for you." I gently put my ring on her finger. It got stuck part way. Bella's lips turned up. She crooked her finger so the ring could not fall, and surreptitiously put it the rest of the way on.

Bella accepted my ring from Mr. Weber. "Darling Edward, receive and wear this ring as a symbol of my trust, my respect and my love for you," she said huskily. Bella slid my ring smoothly onto my cold finger, where it would stay for the rest of eternity.

We spoke together, "This circle will now seal the vows of our marriage and will symbolize the purity and endlessness of our love." Rosalie lost it and sniffled into her bouquet. That sent Emmett over the edge too.

I put my wife's hand proudly on my arm and walked her around to the side of the altar. I moved to stand opposite her so that we could light the Unity Candle.

"The two outside candles have been lighted to represent both your lives in this moment. They are two distinct lights, each capable of going their separate ways. As you join now in marriage, there is a merging of these two lights into one light. This is what the Lord meant when He said, 'On this account a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall be one flesh.' From now on your thoughts shall be for each other rather than your individual selves. Your plans shall be mutual, your joys and sorrows shall be shared alike. As you each take a candle and together light the center one, you will extinguish your own candles, thus letting the center candle represent the union of your lives into one flesh. As this one light cannot be divided, neither shall your lives be divided, but they shall be a united testimony in a Christian home. May the radiance of this one light be a testimony of your unity in the Lord Jesus Christ." Bella and I lit the Unity Candle and blew out our own sparks. Eleazar clapped. A few people giggled at him.

Rosalie sat back down at the piano and started to play softly. Emmett brought the Register to the altar for us to sign. First I signed it, 'Edward Anthony' under Given Names, and 'Masen-Cullen' under Last. I handed Bella the pen. She signed 'Isabella Marie' under Given Names, 'Swan' under Nee, and 'Masen-Cullen' under New Last. Wasn't that a beautiful surname to record for posterity? I admired the Marriage Certificate. Alice and Carlisle signed as witnesses. Then, we went back to our places.

"For as much as Isabella and Edward have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and these witnesses, and thereto have pledged their faithfulness each to the other, and have pledged the same by the giving and receiving each of a ring, by the authority invested in me as a minister of the gospel according to the laws of the State of Washington, I pronounce that they are husband and wife together, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Those that God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

Mr Weber held out his hands to the congregation and to us. "The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up the light of His countenance upon you, and give you peace."

Oh, boy! The best bit was coming. I fidgeted, grinning at Bella. She fidgeted back, grinning at me. Mr Weber toyed with us, holding back from giving me the go-ahead. I raised my eyebrows and he chuckled.

"Edward, you may kiss the Bride." Yay! I tenderly lifted Bella's veil and bent down. Bella attacked me. Honest. I tried to keep it a chaste kiss, but she wouldn't let go. Oh, well. Her tongue slid into my mouth and I kissed her soundly. Ecstasy. But the crowd was getting antsy and throats were being cleared and wolf-whistles and 'woo's' were sounding. Alice was laughing her little pixie laugh and Emmett was laughing wickedly. _Way to go, stud!_ Even Jasper was chortling shyly. And Esme was clapping as she sobbed, just like Renee. Boy, good thing Alice had strategically positioned boxes of tissues. Most of the humans were soggy.

I took Bella's face gently between my hands and pushed her back, chuckling, and kissed her wet eyes. I whispered in her ear as I brushed my lips along her jaw, "Later, Mrs. Cullen". My wife's heart was thumping erratically and she was red as a beet all over. And she _started _it! Her eyes danced.

Bella leaned in to murmur in my ear, "I will hold you to that promise, Mr. Cullen." She brushed her mouth across my jugular. Grr.

"Finished? " Mr Weber laughed. Bella and I joined in. I shook my head. I wasn't nearly finished. Everyone snickered.

"May I _now_ introduce Edward and Bella Masen-Cullen?"

Cheers erupted. And then there was the reaction of the guests.

**Don't forget to sign the guest book. Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Husband and Wife**

**The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. No copyright infringement is intended. Sections of this story are quoted or paraphrased from BD, Chapters 1-4.**

******Don't forget to sign the Guest Book. Edward and Bella will be so disappointed if you don't leave them a memento to cherish. Review. Edward will send you a message.**

******Edward's pov**

"-_Aaaaa-haaaaaa_-" snuffle-sniff-sniff. " _Waaaaaahaaaaaa_!!!!" Renee bawled, throwing herself into Bella's arms with such gusto that Bella was quite nearly knocked off her feet. I steadied her from behind. My hand stayed at the small of her back, tracing small circles on the thin satin and exploring those pearl buttons.

"Mother! _Renee!!!_ Settle down and don't blubber all over me," Bella laughed. She was used to such behaviour from her mother. I was still a little taken aback. Renee was a little more... exuberant than I was accustomed to. More exuberant than usual, certainly.

"Oh, Bella! My darling baby! You're all grown up now. And so beautiful. Look at her Phil. Isn't she beautiful? Huh?" Renee sobbed, gesticulating madly, grabbed Phil's lapels, and then turned to kiss her daughter's cheeks. I wondered if she needed some Ritalin.

Nobody could ever accuse Renee of lacking affection for Bella. Or for me, for that matter.

"And Edward! So handsome. I think he has a future in modelling, don't you Phil?"

I was smothered in a soggy hug. I figured out that Renee was attempting to rock me from side to side as she hugged me. I allowed myself to be waggled, smiling secretly to myself. She'd have never budged me on her own.

"I don't think Edward would want a career in modelling, Snooky." Phil lectured. Renee wasn't listening. She was talking to me.

"Welcome to the family!" Renee gushed, kissing my cheeks and leaving lipstick on me. She rubbed it off. Now, I probably looked like I was blushing. Oh, well. I guessed that couldn't hurt. I stammered my thanks but Renee was addressing me solicitously. "You are so cold, Edward! You must need some rest and hot food. All this wedding stress has been too much for you both. But the service was lovely. And what a job Alice and Esme have done on the wedding. The decorations, the music, the clothes? Everything is so over-the-top gorgeous. Alice!"

Renee moved on to accost the other members of my family. Bella and I exchanged a wry look and chuckled. Bella wet her thumb and scrubbed at my cheek. Then she cleaned off the other one. "We can't have you looking like a cheap hooker for the photos, Mr. Cullen," she growled at me.

"Heaven save me from that, Minx."

I paid particular attention when my mother-in-law threw herself into Jasper's arms, but he merely patted her back amiably, murmured his thanks, and passed her off efficiently to Rosalie. Jasper came and patted Bella carefully on the head and shook my hand. Then, he made a quick getaway before anybody else could touch him. _Going to my room until things gear down a bit. Send Alice up to get me when they've stopped hugging people._

I plucked Alice out of the air and she embraced me enthusiastically. "Thanks for a beautiful wedding, sister. I'm glad you forced us into this. Vegas just wouldn't have compared."

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "I told you so. Anything for my favourite brother and his bride. Congratulations, Edward. Your life is going to be spectacular. Hey, sister? Where's my hug?" Perky Alice hugged Bella and expressed her joy. Before she could disappear, I relayed Jasper's message.

"Oh, he can't disappear for long," Alice wailed. "He has to be in the group pictures."

Carlisle tapped me on the shoulder and I put my arm around him. "Love you, Dad."

"Love you too, son. That was a lovely ceremony."

"Thanks. We worked hard on it. Mother, where's my kiss?"

Esme complied, still bursting with motherly love. "Oh, Edward, I am _so_ happy. We are going to commemorate every single moment of this day. Come to Mother, Bella Cullen!"

"That is going to take some getting used to. I hope I remember to answer when I'm called." Bella winked and stepped forward to hug Carlisle. She laid her head on Carlisle's chest and he kissed her forehead and held her for a minute. "We're so glad to have you officially for our daughter, Bella. We didn't think you and Edward would ever get a move on."

"Speaking of getting a move on, give me back my wife. She's mine. You can hug her later." I drew Bella back into my arms. She tucked her face into the crook of my neck, giggling. A voice sounded from behind my shoulder.

"I guess it's not a good time for me to ask to kiss her then, is it son?" Charlie said wryly.

"Aw, I'll let you have her for a second. You are her Dad and all." Everybody snickered at me. "Hey, Charlie? Thanks for everything. Your support has been really great."

"Just don't forget to spend some time with the Old Man, okay? Come and watch football with me anytime. Maybe we can start having a family meal on the weekends. Sue doesn't mind cooking for a crowd. I'll ask her to help.

Speaking of Sue, there she was, pushing Billy forward in his chair. I stuck out my hand and she took it, cautiously. _He doesn't act like a Cold One. He acts like he has a soul. He loves Bella. Maybe we're prejudiced. I should try to accept him. _ I smiled at Sue in what I hoped was a reassuring fashion. Then, I released her hand and took that of Jacob's father.

"Billy, Sue. Thank you for coming today and bringing Seth. For supporting Bella and me."

"It's my pleasure, Edward," Billy said, looking chipper. "You and Bella belong together. Anyone who has eyes can see that. Sue agrees, too." _We heard from Jacob today. He's coming home. Charlie said __we shouldn't tell Bella in case he changes his mind about dropping by. _

"Oh. Thank you for telling me. That's good news," I answered carefully, knowing Charlie was listening.

"Yes. We wish you every happiness. Congratulations Edward, Bella."

"Thank you, Billy. We appreciate your kindness," Bella said seriously.

Seth stuck his head under the edge of a flower garland and popped up beside us. He got pollen in his hair. "Congrats, guys!" he said extending his arms and raising his eyebrows. I ruffled his hair affectionately, which dislodged the pollen, and put my free arm around him. Wow. He was two inches taller than Bella now, and she was wearing heels. Pretty big for a 14 year old, not that he was normal. "It's good to see things work out for you, man. I'm happy for you."

"That means a lot to me, Seth. Thank you."

"Guys, I got some great video." Seth stated, holding up the camera.

"You're really talented, Seth," Bella enthused. "I saw The Roast video this afternoon."

"Oh, wow! You did? How was it? Was it great?" I asked excitedly.

"It was way beyond hilarious. Ang and I laughed through the whole thing."

"Thanks, Bella. I'm glad you liked it," Seth smiled proudly.

"Seth? We got you a little thank-you gift. Make sure you take it with you when you go home tonight."

"Really? Thank you, Edward. Thanks, Bella. Can I have it now so you can see me open it?"

I knew the box was actually too big for him to drag around, but why spoil the surprise? "Why not. Go get it. It's on my couch in the bedroom. I should think you know where that is?"

Seth had the grace to blush. Good thing the young pup was cute. He regarded me sheepishly. "Uh, yeah. I remember. Have you forgiven me?"

"Don't be silly. Of course we've forgiven you. Your just a pup. Now go get your present." I gave him a gentle shove and he ran to the house, quivering with curiosity.

"You didn't have to get him a gift, Edward," Sue said awkwardly, "but thank you anyway. He'll treasure whatever it is. He's very fond of you."

"Yeah, I'm fond of him, too, Sue. He's like a kid brother. Thanks for letting him spend time with us."

"You're a good person, Edward Cullen. You behave with honour."

"That may be the best compliment I get all day, Sue. I am humbled by your trust." Especially since I was about to break the treaty.

Sue hesitated, and then stepped close to me. She spoke too softly for Charlie or Billy to hear. "The treaty will stand, Edward. Sam and I and Billy agree. Jacob is wrong about more things than one. Don't break our trust. Find a way to make everything work out. Don't hurt Charlie." I looked at her, reeling.

"You have my word that I'll do my best to solve the problem," I promised rashly. Sue nodded, unsmiling. She took hold of Billy's wheelchair, and they moved toward the door. Carlisle and Eleazar carried it down the front steps, and Sue thanked them and pushed Billy around back. Charlie caught up with them. Hmm. There was something there that I couldn't put my finger on. Too bad Swans weren't legible.

"What did she say?" Bella whispered.

"Tell you later, love."

"You were very, very sexy in Seth's video, Mr. Idol." she crooned, leaning in to graze my jaw with her lip. Grr.

I murmured silkily into Bella's ear, "If you want me to behave like a gentleman in pictures, Mrs. Domme-pire, I suggest you stop smouldering at me. Otherwise we'll be setting chins wagging again."

"Hey, Little Sister. Come to Emmett! Edward! Are you kissing Bella again? Don't I get to kiss the bride?" Emmett chuckled.

"You don't ask _him_, Emmett, you ask me. Come here, Big Bear." Bella and Emmett exchanged an affectionate hug and kiss. Emmett lifted Bella off her feet and swung her back and forth, patting her back as he set her back on her feet.

"I'm so glad you kept her around, Baby Brother. She's such a gas."

"Thanks, Big Brother."

"Anytime, Tough Guy."

"Emmett, don't wrinkle Bella!" Rosalie demanded. "She's going to be in a lot of pictures today. I want my sister to look good. Welcome to the family, Bella." Rose embraced Bella with a smile. Well, that was new. Things were improving.

"Thank you, Rose. I hope we can be friends now."

"Of course, Bella. You're one of us." Rosalie kissed Bella on the cheek. She turned to me, glaring. I recoiled a little. Talk about mood swings. _You'd better take good care of her, Edward. We're all attached to her now._ I smiled tightly and nodded. I was attached to Bella, too. Legally and emotionally. Hopefully, soon physically.

Seth was back, jumping up and down with excitement. Rose wrinkled her nose, rolled her eyes, and walked off.

"A 'small' gift, Edward? You call that _small_? You are the _best_, man. That present is totally sick. Wait 'til Mom sees. A laptop? And all that software? And an iPod and speakers? Wow, I don't know what to say!"

"Seth?"

"Yeah?"

"We want you to keep the camera, too."

"Oh, you are kidding me! You guys are the _best_. I love you!" Seth clutched me to his chest, and the happy tears started. I pushed him back and patted his head again.

"Love you too, kid. Now make sure you make use of that talent of yours, okay?"

"Sure, sure. I will make you guys the best wedding video on the planet."

"I believe you. Now go shoot some more footage of the guests. They will tell you terrible stories about us, I'm sure, and give their best wishes."

"Okay. Thanks again, guys!"

"You are so welcome, Slayer. Now go make us some memories." Seth skipped away, beaming.

More of a lineup was forming. Boy, we might be here until dark! Ang and Ben stepped up. I kissed the little angel's hand and shook Ben's. He congratulated me, and kissed Bella's cheek.

"Edward, you are such a doll. Bella, I can't think of anybody I'd rather see you with. You two were designed for each other, I swear. I'm so glad to see you both so deeply happy. It warms everybody's hearts just to look at you. And you both used to be such lonely souls." Perceptive little angel. She never had an unkind thought, and she was always on the lookout for others' needs.

"I know. This day is a dream come true. Thanks for being my bridesmaid, Angela. It's been great spending so much time with you over these past few months," Bella gave Ang a squeeze.

"Just don't forget me, now that you're a married woman," Ang ordered. Bella looked momentarily uneasy, then put on a bright, earnest face. I felt a stab of guilt. There would be so many separations soon, assuming Bella got her way.

"I could never forget my best friend, even if something happened to keep us at a distance," Bella said smoothly. She was getting better at dissembling. Not something I had wanted to teach her, but necessary.

"Love you, Ang," Bella said seriously.

"Love you too, Bella," Ang answered with a smile. God help me. She was going to be devastated when our deaths were announced. I forced back the lump in my throat.

"Love you, Edward," Ang said, reaching out for a hug. I pressed her against me and kissed her forehead.

"Love you too, Little Angel. You take care of yourself when we're away at school, hear me?" I said thickly.

"Yes, sir." _Why does that sound like a goodbye? I must be imagining things. You're getting superstitious, Ang. Have some faith. Life's going to go on, just like always._

God, please don't consign me to Hell for the pain this girl is going to go through. Not to mention Charlie and Renee and Phil. Save us. There must be a way to make things work.

I pulled Ben into a one-armed hug and then stared into his eyes. "You've been a great friend to me, Ben. It's hard for me to make friends. We've always moved around so much. Thanks for sharing your time with me and Bella."

"Anytime, Edward. I like your company, too. You'll call us when you get home, right?"

"Yeah, of course. You're gonna take care of Angela for me, right?"

"Yeah. We're going to have a lot of fun in college. Thank God we both got into Washington State. I'd have hated to be apart from her."

"That sounds serious," I teased.

"Well, we're just going steady for now. But someday, maybe ..." Ben said wistfully.

"You couldn't do better than Ang."

"Angela's a great girl. We're taking it slow."

"That's wise. If you ever hurt her, I'll have to kick your ass. Be really sure before you make any lasting decisions, pal."

"I will. Love you, bro."

"Love you too, man."

The Denalis were next. After exchanging pleasantries and welcoming Bella to the family, Tanya got down to business.

"Dearest Bella, are you prepared for tonight?" she whispered with concern.

"Yep. All set, thank you," Bella blushed and her scent deepened. She was turned on. In the name of all that was holy, I wished for a safe topic of conversation to fall out of the sky. Thank you Tanya, I can always count on you to embarrass me. Something was coming up. Not the best time for it, especially when I was expected to be the focus of 8000 pictures.

"I mean," Tanya hissed at the lowest possible threshold of human hearing, "did you use the gift we got you, and take care of your hy-"

"Thank you Tanya. Time to change the subject, please!" I interrupted. The heat was radiating off Bella. I didn't dare look directly at her. But Tanya was examining Bella closely. To my utter disbelief, Bella nodded at Tanya, minutely. I wondered if vampires could pass out, because I couldn't feel my feet. Tanya, however, looked vastly relieved.

"Have a wonderful honeymoon, cousins. The Cullens are all paired off now. Maybe it will be our turn next, eh Kate?"

Kate's hand replaced Tanya's in mine. She rolled her eyes. "Keep the dream alive, sister. Welcome to the family, Bella. I'm sure you two are going to be very happy together."

"Of course they are. Look how cute they are together. It warms one, doesn't it _mi querida_?" Eleazar interjected.

"Yes, _mi amor_. Hug me, _bonita_."

"Thank you, Carmen. It's been fun getting to know you all." Bella hugged Carmen and offered a kiss.

"We were dying for ages to know the girl who captured Edward's heart. You've captured ours as well. We'll have _tons _of time to spend together in the future. Take care of her, Edward. She is a dear girl," Tanya said fondly.

"Thank you, Tanya. You know how much your approval means to me." I kissed the hands of the females, and clapped Eleazar on the arm.

"Have a good trip, mi _cousins_," said Carmen. Deputy Mark and his wife were behind her, looking awestruck at the collective beauty. If they only knew the reason for it! The Denalis moved off to mingle and Tanya started searching for Eric. Oh, boy. I hoped Tanya wouldn't get any misplaced feelings for him, out of admiration. Poor girls. They really did want a mating bond like mine and Bella's. Probably wanted weddings, too.

Bella and I exchanged small talk with Mark and then he went to talk to Charlie.

"Your cousins know how to make a bride blush, Mr. Cullen."

"They just can't seem to help themselves, Mrs. Cullen. _Minx!__Don't t_ouch me there now, or I'm going to run you upstairs and have my wicked way with you. Forget the guests."

"Sounds heavenly. Want to go up n-"

"Don't you even think about it, Missy!" hissed Alice in Bella's face. "If you go up there now, all those pearl buttons are going to be flying all over the room, and there will be no pictures of the bride in her dress. Try explaining that to everyone. Now, get through this line quickly, because I want you outside for pictures before twilight comes." Alice scurried off.

"Bossy little monster, isn't she?" I said, deflating.

"She's a holy terror. Best not cross her, I guess."

"We'll punish her when we're back from the honeymoon," I promised.

Jess and Mike were next in line. Jess just couldn't resist giving me the once-over for old times' sake. She smirked. _He's turned on. Bella's driving him crazy. Hah! _ Mike's mind was not misbehaving, for once. The pair offered genuine best wishes, which was nice.

We managed to shake hands with the remaining guests in record time. The minute we were done, Alice, dragging Jasper, called everyone to go outside for pictures. Seth was conscripted to put out all the candles. Flames around vampires were just not welcome on a long-term basis. The girls retrieved their bouquets from the piano. I took Bella's arm and escorted her outside.

We were subjected to countless groupings, both formal and casual, and then, the photographer took shots of Bella and me. Since we were married, I allowed him to take pictures of me and Bella together that were a little racy. I held Bella up in the air, legs swinging out at an angle, then dangling, with her face close to mine and her hands on my shoulders. This move inspired the photographer to ask for 50 more poses, with Bella _en haut _in different dance holds. It was at this point that I realized there was something unusual about her undergarments. Seams in unusual places. Grr.

There were contemporary shots that amused me. One of me, being held aloft by the bride and her attendants, and one of Bella being held high over the heads of my brothers and my father and me. One of Bella and I jumping into the air, and many shots of the wedding party jumping up together. One where the gurning men posed with the bouquets. There were even some where we all played air guitar.

Finally, we were released to go to the tent. Twilight was approaching. I went straight to the bar table and obtained an iced tea for Bella. She was looking a little drained.

On the way back to her, Emmett and Jasper stopped me.

"Big day, Tough Guy," Jasper drawled. "Bet you're ready to blow this Popsicle stand and get to the romance."

I looked over at Bella, holding hands with her mother. Her skirt emphasized every curve of her legs. I mused about those odd seams under the gown. I was so distracted, I unconsciously took a sip of the iced tea. My brothers stared at me, open-mouthed, and guffawed.

"I guess that answers your question, Texas!" Emmett snickered.

"Yup," snickered Jasper.

"Give me a break, will you? I have to get through at least the next four hours without touching her!" I hissed.

"You can always run upstairs for a quickie later," Jasper advised. I sipped the tea again, lost in fantasy.

Kate scooted over and eyed me beadily. "Would you _please_ stop eating human food in front of Tanya? She just ran off to puke again."

"Make sure she's not around when we cut the cake then, 'cause I'm swallowing it. You know, Kate, the humans will think she's pregnant with all this barfing."

"Wonderful!" snarled Kate with an eye roll. I abandoned my brothers, and took Bella her iced tea before I forgot myself again. If I wasn't careful, Tanya and I would end up competing for unoccupied bathrooms.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Dinner, with Roast, is Served**

**Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. **

**The Wedding Roast pictures and anecdotes come from my 'Unforeseen Events' series of fanfics. The story idea of Parent Eddie belongs to me.**

**The Slideshow music can be found on YouTube. All music belongs to its respective owners.**

**'You Can't Touch This', by MC Hammer**

"**I'm Too Sexy", by Right Said Fred**

**'On the Road Again', by Willie Nelson**

**'Why is Everybody Always Picking on Me?', by the Bloodhound Gang**

**'Superfreak', by Rick James**

**'We are Family', by Sister Sledge**

******Edward's pov:**

The Cullens survived dinner, mostly because it was buffet and we could get away with lightly loading our plates. Esme was lucky. She sat with the Denalis. They were able to skip the meal without anyone noticing. Not so, those of us at the Head Table.

"You have to teach me how to do that," Bella whispered.

"Do what?" I whispered back.

"Hide the food."

"There's no way for me to hide it when I'm in plain view. I'm eating it. We all are."

Bella looked at me in dismay. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Hazard of the Cullen lifestyle. No worries, Minx. But you'll have to excuse me for a few minutes after dinner."

Bella took my hand, smiling lovingly. Glasses clinked for the 46th time and we kissed.

Different family members approached the mic and said nice things about us. Now, it was Alice's turn.

"Edward? Bella? I love you to bits, but I have to confess that I have told you a serious lie."

Oh, no. What was she thinking, doing what she was about to do? And how had she kept this from me? I couldn't close my mouth. Charlie was going to murder me, and Jess was going to have plenty to dish about on her blog. I whimpered. Bella reacted to that like a grizzly who'd met Emmett. She clutched my hand.

"I promised I was going to destroy certain photos. But the opportunity to Roast you is just too much temptation and all your friends and family agreed to make you suffer. I know you're going to forgive me, so shut up. Ladies and gentlemen? I give you Bella and Edward in their glory.

A small movie screen appeared at the side of the Head Table, courtesy of Eric. I put my head down on the table and smacked my hand against it. Bella threw her arm over me and patted me consolingly. My family was all in on it, and so was hers. "I'm going to murder our parents and siblings," I moaned weakly. Then, I got mad. It was one thing to make fun of me, quite another to abuse my bride's reputation.

I moved to stand up and obliterate the laptop running the slides. Carlisle pushed me back down in my seat. "Be a good sport, Edward. It's the last hurrah. They won't have anything left to humiliate you about soon. And the perception of you will be better if people get their fun."

"Traitor."

"Just trust me. I wouldn't let them do it if it really was going to hurt you or Bella. The humans will find you more human if they see it."

"You are telling me that they will like me better if I don't kill anyone or lose my temper?"

"Precisely."

"Maybe I don't want to be liked."

Music blared out of the speakers. Great. "You Can't Touch This". My eyes were drawn to the screen like a witness' to a car accident.

The PowerPoint slide show started with some tame photos, captioned 'Watch your step, clumsy Bella'. Bella and I at Prom, with her leg in a cast. Bella with a band-aid on her forehead. Bella lying on ice outside her house. Bella, lying on the floor in the hallway of the school, with all her books in a heap around her. Bella, falling while running on the track. Me, carrying Bella across a puddle in the school parking lot. Bella with her hand in a splint. Bella lying in her hospital bed after James attacked her, with me, my head next to hers on the pillow, gazing at her tenderly. That one was captioned "Save me next time, Spiderman". I glared at Renee. She had taken that photo. Bella, however, laughed self-deprecatingly. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs, putting my hand in both of hers and resting it on her lap. It distracted me from my fuming.

_Click._ Me and Bella clutching our fake, colicky baby during the Forks High Parent Ed Class. It was labelled 'Parent Eddie'. A shot of us with Alice and Jasper and their doll, as they'd had to complete the same course this year. Alice was grinning illogically, I was scowling, and Bella and Jasper were looking at us incredulously. Next, me: glaring, holding the doll, which was looking a lot worse for wear four days after we got hold of it. Alice, holding their broken doll. All of us, holding our "pass" essays. We all passed somehow. Barely.

New music: "I'm Too Sexy". Then, Engagement photos. The racy ones. The ones that got us into trouble with Charlie. Crap. The audience was clapping to the beat, thoroughly enjoying the show.

Then, the one I had been dreading. The one Alice had promised to destroy. "Alice, I snarled at vampire pitch, "be prepared to be shredded. You are dying tonight." She laughed at me. Laughed!

The slide went onscreen, and stayed there for a long time: Me and Bella, sitting half-naked on the bench in the front hall, looking terrified. Me in underwear, trying to hide my package, with handcuffs clearly on display. Mercifully, Bella's privates had been blacked out with a "censored" tag, since her miniskirt had provided a free view of paradise. Beside our bench, Charlie stood livid, feet spread, hand on his holster.

The guests went insane. Their shrieks of laughter were deafening. I pinched my nose as every vampire present fell out of his or her chair. Except Esme. She and the humans were giving us a standing ovation. Something hit me in the chest and I opened my eyes to find a bun in my lap courtesy of Charlie, who was laughing uproariously along with the rest. I drew back my arm and pitched it back at him hard enough to make him duck.

Bella was sitting, frozen as a vampire, with her mouth open. Then, she huffed a laugh. "Remember how frightened we were that night? We've come a long way, Baby."

"Who are you, and what have you done with my shy girl?" I demanded in disbelief.

"I replaced her with something more durable. She decided that if she didn't learn to roll with the punches and pretend she wasn't mortified, her mate's insane family would decimate her ego."

A fresh wave of laughter and applause ripped through the room. Onscreen, there was a picture of me pinching my nose. It was captioned, 'Edward hates his siblings'. A lot more pictures went successively across the screen, all of me pinching my nose, wearing different clothing. 'And his parents'. _Click_. 'And his friends'. _Click._ 'And Bella's old truck'. _Click_. 'And Tanya'. _Click_. 'And his other cousins'. _Click_. 'And Charlie'. _Click._ 'And Renee'. _Click_. 'And the kids at school'. _Click_. 'And his teachers'. _Click_. 'And high school'. _Click_. 'Especially Health Class'. _Click_. 'And having major bed-head'. _Click_. 'All the time'. _Click_. 'And taking Bella to the hospital'. _Click_ ... Twenty pictures, in all. I decided that, fixated vampire or not, I would somehow have to break that habit. There really was going to be a permanent indent there soon. Bella applauded me appreciatively. I smiled at her, chagrined.

"Ed-ward! Ed-ward! Ed-ward! Woof-woof-woof-woof-woof!" Mike and Tyler and Conner chanted from the back of the tent. "Woo-hoooooo!"

Next, there was a slide of me, shirtless, carrying Bella piggyback down the tree outside our kitchen window, escaping from Charlie. It was labelled, 'Running away from home'. Again, Bella's backside had been covered with a 'censored' sticker. Now how in the name of everything holy did they get that one? _ Me! _Jasper thought, mockingly. I glared at him.

The next song started. Willie Nelson, singing 'On the Road Again'. Next photo: Bella accepting a knapsack from Esme and getting in the Vanquish. I stood up and pointed at Mother accusingly, sat down and crossed my arms. Carlisle was laughing louder than I'd ever seen. Traitor.

Oh, God help me not to die of mortification. Me, standing in the hotel room in Niagara, dripping on the floor in my towel, holding my toothbrush and gawping and foaming at the mouth while all our friends trooped into the room with their luggage. I glared at Jasper again. He wiggled his fingers at me smugly.

Next song: "Why is Everybody Always Picking on Me". Bella, dancing up and down in her skimpy towel, screaming, with wet hair flying around her head. My bride pointed at her likeness and giggled. I snuck a look at Charlie. He shrugged at me tolerantly. Jasper stood up and aimed an elegant bow at me. "You are dead, too," I mouthed at him. He snickered, the lout.

All the kids, assembled in front of the minibus. Okay, the worst had to be over. I would think about cheering up. The group of us, in front of the Falls. The group of us in the Asian garden. The group of us on the observation wheel. Emmett carrying a gigantic stuffed bear. Rosalie driving the bus. Mike and Tyler doing karaoke. Me doing karaoke. Alice and Bella shopping. Bella and I kissing at the fireworks. Angela winning money at the Casino. Jess and Lauren in their bathing suits by the pool. The Cullen boys playing guitar in front of the campfire. The group eating at McDonald's. Esme cooking for everyone when the parents came to get their kids. Bella and I socializing with the parents. Charlie with his arms around me and Bella.

The music changed again: "Superfreak". Bella, dressed as Edward's Domme Vampire, and Charlie, dressed as Dracula, coming down the stairs. Alice, wearing fake vampire teeth. Jasper in his 'Bite Me' t-shirt, dog collar and leash, sporting black lipstick and silver eye shadow and blowing a kiss at the camera. Alice in red leather hot pants, dragging Jazz on the leash. Rosalie and Emmett snogging. The Cullen men, arms crossed, wearing fake vampire teeth. Me, dressed in a plastic baby belly and boobs, lying on the floor imitating Billy Idol. Bella and I, grabbing each other's fake privates, gurning for the camera. The pair of us handcuffed, captioned 'Not again! TMI!'. Bella and I passing through the arch of hands, going into the restaurant to the rehearsal party. Bella and I , minus plastic costume parts, dancing to 'Cat People'. Carlisle holding up a beer. Eric spinning Jasper's CD. Bella and I ballroom dancing to Elvis. Bella, with windblown hair and bedroom eyes, wearing her 'When I grow up, I want to be a Vampire' shirt.

A new song: 'We are Family'. Bella and Charlie. Charlie and me. The Cullens and Bella. Each sibling with their mate. Charlie, Carlisle and Esme. Charlie and Sue and Seth. Me and Seth. The Denalis and the Cullens. Bella and me, cuddling. Bella in her old red truck. Bella and me, kissing. A group shot of friends in front of the Minibus. _Sure,_ make me feel all fluffy after the torture.

The show ended with a formal picture of Bella and me, curled in on each other like a ball. Then, there was a live video clip, of me opening my bedroom door, snarling "Go away!" and slamming it. Alice!

The End.

There was a standing ovation and people didn't stop yelling and clapping for nearly five minutes. Bella and I eyed each other. I blew out my breath melodramatically, and she chuckled, pink-faced. I stood and helped her pull out her chair, and we walked to the mic.

"Well, now you know more about us than we were hoping to share," I intoned with an eye roll. "Thank you, illustrious family, for humiliating us today. As usual, lambs have been hung for sheep."

"Ed-ward!" yelled Mike. Emmett laughed his dirty laugh. I smirked at them and waved dismissively.

"Alice? You and Jasper are lucky that Bella and I have a plane to catch tonight. Expect retribution when we get back." Everyone clapped.

"Charlie? Renee? I'm glad you're happy. I will pay you back, somehow, for aiding and abetting my sister." The crowd roared.

"I'll get my gun if you threaten me!" Charlie shouted. Everyone clapped again.

"Because we love you all, and you've left us feeling all warm and fuzzy, we are going to play nice in the sandbox. Don't push it. Try this again, and I'll break your faces. Ask Emmett, I can hit hard." Emmett nodded theatrically.

Bella stepped up to the mic, "Thank you all for your love and friendship, and support in all respects save preventing our repeated embarrassment. Thank you, Alice, for orchestrating this beautiful wedding, and thank you to all those who have helped with the preparations. Thanks to Angela for keeping me sane in the middle of it all. Thanks to all of you, for being here today. We love you, in spite of all the teasing."

"And now, I'd like to present a toast to my bride," I said, retrieving a glass of wine. Beside me, Bella blushed.

I held my glass aloft. "Bella? Before I met you, I was an uptight, arrogant, antisocial, very lonely son of a gun. When you walked into my boring life, I fell apart. You encouraged me to reassemble myself into somebody useful. You saved my life, and I am grateful for your overwhelming love and care. Thank you for teaching me to laugh. I love you. I will always love you. So I offer this toast, 'To Bella, the most beautiful, dangerous, loveable creature on the planet. May she prosper for the rest of her days.' "

There were a lot of 'here-here's. The guests echoed the toast, "To Bella". Glasses clinked. I sipped the wine. It burned. I hid a cough.

Bella stepped up to the mic. "Edward, when I moved here, I was alone. Within a few days, I met you. The intensity of my feelings for you was frightening. Edward? You consistently undervalue yourself. I have never met anyone who has so much to offer the world. I am honoured to have you for my mate. You taught me to be assertive. You taught me to let go and have fun. You are my eternal love. So I offer this toast, 'To Edward, my beloved, who is kind and good, and admirable. May he prosper for the rest of his life.' "

The audience echoed the toast, 'to Edward'. Bella raised her glass and drank to me.

There were a lot of family toasts and anecdotes after that, notably Emmett's, because as predicted, he thanked me for making Bella part of our lives because she was 'such a gas'. Finally, it was time to cut the cake.

My stomach was not happy. I'd never kept human food down this long. An hour and forty minutes, and counting. _Tick, tick, tick._ I squirmed, trying to get comfortable. Bella sensed my lack of ease, and stroked my arm consolingly. I hoped I'd never have to beat this personal record.

Bella and I posed by the cake, and then cut it. We each picked up a small morsel. Naturally, Bella had no problem eating her cake. She eyed me warily, lifting the morsel to my mouth. Her eyes widened when I sucked it off her fingers. The Quileutes gasped. I must admit that I chewed it as little as possible.

Apparently, nobody warned Tanya despite my admonition. She ran from the tent with her hand over her mouth, revolted. I felt a little green. As soon as it was feasible, I whispered to Bella to excuse me, and beat my own, strategic retreat. I didn't even make it to my own bathroom. I availed myself of Alice's. Much better. Hopefully, the stench of regurgitated human food would linger for hours. Rotten, deceitful little pixie.

I headed back to the reception, immeasurably cheered by my trivial accomplishments. The next bit of the evening would be fun. I was going to find out what Bella was wearing under her skirt.

******Sign the Guest Book, don't forget. Edward and Bella want to know who attended the wedding.**

******Review:)**


	4. Chapter 4

******Chapter 4: Blushing Bride**

******This chapter is rated M for lemony themes.**

******The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Quotes and paraphrases are taken from BD, Chapter 4.**

******Nothing belongs to me. No profit is being made from this work.**

******Lyrics are from wwwdotlyrics007dotcom. All music can be found on YouTube and belongs to its rightful owners:**

******'Single Ladies', Beyonce (Bouquet toss)**

******'I Wanna Be Your Underwear', Bryan Adams (Retrieving the garter)**

******'It's Raining Men', The Weather Girls (Throwing the garter)**

******'Annie's Song', John Denver (First Dance)**

******'I Loved Her First' , Heartland (Bella and Charlie)**

**Do try this because it's so amazing. I found something incredibly cool this morning, and my daughter thinks I'm a moron because I never knew you could do this. Go to YouTube. Search for "Marcus and Karen Hilton Waltz Showdance WSS 1998" on dependa's channel. Not the Viennese Waltz, just 'Waltz'. Pause it and turn off the volume on the video's window. Click on your browser icon on the bottom of your screen, and open You Tube a second time. You should now have 2 You Tube windows open. Search "Annie's song john denver" and open it, allowing it to play (sound on). Click on your Marcus & Karen window, and turn it to play. You will now have the couple dancing to Annie's Song. It's amazing how well the music fits the video. The video should pause at approx 3 minutes when the music ends. If I knew how to make You Tube videos, I'd do this one myself. If anybody makes one, please tell me you've done it:) The best part? I wrote the waltz scene before I saw the Hilton's video. I feel all wriggly and fluffy. Aren't you proud of me? Heh heh heh.**

******If you ever doubted that I am Team Edward, you will know it now. Please, no flames. This is where I mess with canon temporarily. Just enough to make myself happy. Hope you can stand it. Jacob will redeem himself in the future and he will earn praise. Promise. Read Little Angel, and you'll see he's happy.**

******If you haven't signed the Guest Book, do it for Bella and Edward. Show some love. Review:)**

******Bella's pov**

Alice told me to go and wait by the stairs for Edward, so we could do the bouquet and the garter tosses and get the party started. She forgot I had not had a human moment in some hours. I tiptoed up to Edward's room to use the facilities.

Seth was in the bedroom, examining his new toys. He had tidied up all the packaging ready for the trash, so I kicked him out and instructed him to take the refuse out to the garage. He stuffed everything into the laptop bag, thanked me again for the gifts and hurried to comply. I crossed the hall and locked myself in the bathroom, heaving a sigh of relief for two minutes of privacy. Not that I was minding the attention as much as I'd thought I would, but it was really busy and noisy and I was accustomed to being quiet.

I pulled my veil over my shoulder and hitched my skirt out of the way. Thank goodness Alice hadn't picked a gown that required a bathroom assistant. Ah, relief. I rested my head against the side of the counter, closing my eyes momentarily. Best hurry up before Alice came looking for me, or Edward could fret that I'd made my escape.

I washed up and checked my face in the mirror. Hold on! Who was that in the mirror? She certainly looked nothing like me. Or maybe she did. Holy crow, I actually looked beautiful! I wondered whether I'd look like this after the change.

I decided that brushing my teeth was in order. After all, there was plenty more kissing to be done before the evening was over. I reapplied my lip stain. All set.

I heard the bedroom door open, and cheerful whistling. Edward. Upstairs. And everyone else was outside. I felt a little ... warm.

I checked myself in the mirror and walked quietly into the bedroom. Edward was putting the diamond tie tack that his father had given him in his wooden box. He looked over at me cheekily. He had taken off his jacket. It was lying neglected on the couch where he had tossed it. Alice would not be impressed. I reached behind me and locked the door, eyeing him like a predator, with parted lips.

"Well hello, Mrs. Cullen," he drawled, undoing his tie and top shirt button, "What brings you up here?"

My husband in a linen shirt and dress pants that accented his long, elegant legs. I sauntered closer and batted my lashes. "Just looking for you, Mr. Cullen."

"Really. And what do you intend to do with me, now that you've found me?" he smouldered, growling a little and undoing his shirt cuffs.

"Hmm. I can think of lots of things, _husband_."

"I bet, Minx. But I just cannot bring myself to undo all those incredibly sexy, frustrating, little pearl buttons just yet. You see, I have been waiting all day to have a look under that skirt. I want to know what you're hiding from me."

I blushed furiously, and he chuckled softly and kissed me, tracing his fingers around the fasteners of the garter belt, and tickling my backside in the process. "I know, by the lines of your undergarments, you see, that you are keeping secrets. And you promised me, no secrets." Edward twisted a tendril of my hair around his finger, and released it to coil down my neck.

"Well why don't we skip the public display? You can have a _private_ showing." Did that just come out the way I think it did? I blushed again. Furiously. Edward cackled wickedly, adjusting himself.

"Minx," he pouted.

"Yes?" I replied, lashes fluttering.

"You wouldn't deny me the opportunity of demonstrating my claim in public, would you?" He searched my face, dazzling me with his endlessly deep eyes.

"No, I guess not," I sighed.

"Good. Because I intend to make it absolutely clear to all the single males in the room that you are mine. Permanently."

"That sounds ... good."

"Yes. Now I think I'd best brush my teeth and shave again before we go down. Don't want five o'clock shadow in the pictures." Edward felt his chin and wandered toward the bathroom.

"I'll be waiting here for you. Just going to ... sit down for a couple of minutes."

Edward shut himself in the bathroom and I moved at the speed of light. I threw open his closet door and opened the drawers where I kept some of my clothes. Drat! No underwear. The drawer was cleaned out. Nor were there any shorts or pj's, or anything that could be used to improvise. I cast about for anything useful, desperate.

Any port in a storm, I reasoned. I ripped open Edward's drawers. Empty. No underwear anywhere. Damn Alice! She and Rose had conspired to make me naked, and Edward was going to spontaneously combust in public. And every vampire there would know if he did.

I ran back to the couch as I heard the water turn off. Edward was coming out.

"Mrs. Cullen, you are decidedly nervous," he decided, scrutinizing me closely as he wiped shaving cream off his neck with a small towel.

"Um, a little. Yeah." My skirt was quivering again as I trembled.

Edward knelt down between my knees, stroking my leg with one hand and reaching around my waist with the other. He smelled amazing. Even better than usual. Shaving cream was a turn-on, I decided. I was beginning to forget my problem.

"Am I making you nervous, Bella?" he crooned, sultry and electrifying.

"Um. No. Well, um, yes. Kinda. Do you want a medal?"

"No. I want something entirely different, providing you are the one handing out prizes tonight."

"Likewise." Oh, boy. I was melting all over the floor.

"Care to explain why your heart rate is going through the roof, if its not due to my proximity?" he murmured with his velvet tongue nuzzling my ear.

"Well, um, it's um, just the garter."

"It'll only take a second, Minx, and then I will stop embarrassing you for the rest of the evening."

"Um. Edward? Y-you aren't r-really going to use your teeth to take it off, are you?"

"Just try and stop me, love."

"Um. Edward? I-I-I'm really not s-s-sure that's a good idea."

Edward drew back and stared at my mouth. Then, he rained light kisses down on it. "Please, Bella?"

I looked at him pensively. I didn't want to explain. It might encourage rather than dissuade him.

"Pretty please, Bella?" Oh, those kisses. He was such a cheater. I wound my fingers in his hair and pulled him down to kiss me hard.

"Mmm. I win," he declared.

I'd have to take the risk. "Um, Edward, it's just that I'm not wea-"

A sharp knock interrupted, and I stared, frozen like a deer in vampire-sight at the door. Edward sighed, pushed himself up, and answered it.

"Sorry," Rosalie winced, "Alice asked me to come up. She thought it would be a good idea to take off your veil, Bella, so you can be more comfortable dancing this evening.

Rats. Opportunity lost. "Yes, that sounds like a good idea. Thanks, Rose." Rosalie sat beside me on the couch, and started pulling out the pins attaching the veil to my head. I held the bobby pins for her in my cupped hand. There were scads of them.

Edward's eyes had stopped smouldering. Sigh. Emmett barged in, grinning.

"No quickie for you, kids. Save it for later. We need to get the dance started. Hey, Edward? Jazz and I had an idea about the garter." Emmett threw an arm over my husband's shoulder. Edward looked back at me regretfully as Emmett steered him downstairs.

"I'd like to murder you and Alice for destroying my thong," I hissed under my breath at Rose. She had the audacity to chuckle.

"Lighten up, Bella. He'll be fine. He's not going to jump you in public."

"Look, Rose. Um, frankly? You know that I, uh, _know_ Edward pretty well. In the Biblical sense. He's been having trouble keeping something under wraps all day. I don't want him teased."

"Bella, how graphic am I allowed to be with you?"

Like _that_ ever stopped anyone in this family before! "I'd prefer it if you weren't, really."

Rose pondered what she was going to say. "Bella, let's just say, um, the ... problem... is going to take care of itself. Alice says not to worry."

I buried my face in my hands, fiery red all over. Edward _was _going to spontaneously combust. I knew it.

"And Edward won't mind being teased for that, if anyone notices. He's tired of being called a prude." Rose pulled the last pin out of the veil, and lifted it away from my head.

"Come on now, Bella. You're brave enough to get through this. Heaven help us! You marry a vampire, and face newborns, and hang around with werewolves, but you don't want a traditional public display. You are truly insane, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "All right Rose. Lead on. I give up."

"Good girl."

I marched down the stairs with Rosalie behind me, as though I were heading for a firing squad. Edward met me at the bottom of the stairs, smirking a little. He crooked his arm and escorted me outside.

The head table had been cleared away, and the other tables pushed to the edges of the marquis. The canvas walls, with their plastic windows, had been pulled down and Eric was standing behind his table of deejay equipment. Tanya was sitting in a chair near him. She looked happy.

"Well, well, well. Hear ye! Hear ye! If it isn't the bride and groom. Nice of you to join us, Mr and Mrs Cullen. If all the single ladies would care to assemble on the floor, the bride will throw her bouquet." Eric announced.

Alice danced over to me gracefully and shoved my gorgeous bouquet in my face. It was going to be ruined. I inhaled the scent. What a shame.

Alice pushed me out onto the middle of the floor. Beyonce's "Single Ladies" played as the group of unmarried females collected. Two of Carlisle's nursing staff, Ang, Jess, Tandy, Tanya and Kate ran out onto the floor, giggling. They started doing the dance from Beyonce's video.

Suddenly, there was a commotion and Seth pushed his mother out on the floor. She joined the group reluctantly. I watched the girls dance for a minute or two, laughing. Ang and Jess looked the cutest, especially since Ang had on the long dress. She was really enjoying herself today. Sue stood at the back, trying to hide because she didn't know the dance moves.

I turned my back on the girls, and let the flowers fly. I turned in time to see a gigantic scuffle. Sue stood aloof, watching the ruckus disapprovingly. When the pile-up of girls righted themselves, Angela was revealed, sitting on the floor with the now destroyed bouquet, covered in petals and broken stems, looking gobsmacked. Everyone applauded, and Edward walked over to Ang, set her upright, and escorted her over to me. Ang pointed at the bouquet, and she pointed at herself, and she pointed at me. Hysterical. I laughed madly.

"Now, let us have the _bride_ and _groom_ to the centre of the floor. Edward? Assert your lordly rights and retrieve your bride's garter. Prove your studliness!"

Oh, no. A challenge. Heaven help me.

A chair was kicked into the middle of the floor, and suddenly I was flying through the air, supported by Emmett and Jasper. They swooped their hands down the back of my skirt and bent my legs and set me carefully on the chair. _Gulp_. Jasper smirked. He was now fully aware that I was not wearing any underwear today. Shit.

My brothers-in-law flanked Edward and the three of them marched with perfect, soldierly synchronicity until my mate stood before me. Emmett and Jasper turned with precision and faced each other, with Edward facing front in the middle. They saluted him and ran off, guffawing.

The music started, and Edward looked at Eric in shock. The song was "I Wanna Be Your Underwear", by Bryan Adams. "Who picked that?" I mouthed at Edward. He looked around, and rolled his eyes.

"Jasper," he mouthed back. Jasper Hale was on my hit list.

_Ow!_

_I wanna be your t-shirt when it's wet - I wanna be the shower when you sweat  
I gotta be the tattoo on your skin - yeah lemme be your bed baby - when you climb in  
I wanna be the sheets when you sleep - let me be the secrets that you keep  
I gotta be the spoon - ta stir your cream  
I wanna be the one that really makes you scream_

Edward stood with his hands on his hips for a couple of minutes, trying to decide whether to be offended. Then, he shook his head ruefully and walked over to me like a Premier Danseur. He looked at me like I was lunch. Prude? I don't think so. I squirmed. Yep, red already, and the show hadn't even started yet. I was an idiot. Why had I left the garter up so high? It was right at the top of my stocking. I started trying to discreetly shimmy it down my thigh.

Edward leaned over me and eyed me seductively. He put his hands on my thighs, halting the downward progress of the garter.

_I wanna be - your lipstick -when ya lick it  
I wanna be - your high heels -when ya kick it  
I wanna be - your sweet love babe - yeah when you make it  
from your feet up to your hair - more than anything I swear  
I wanna be - your underwear _

"Bad girl," he growled softly in my ear. "Thou shalt not spoil my fun." He brushed his lips across my cheek, pushed my knees apart, and knelt at my feet. He quickly undid the buttons on my shoe and slipped it off, displaying it to the wolf-whistling guests and setting it carefully on the floor. Then he tossed my skirt over his head. Oh, God in Heaven help me. I tried not to hyperventilate. Jasper and Emmett were laughing so hard, they were practically rolling on the floor. They sounded like they were crying. With mirth. Somewhere, the evil pixie was laughing, too. Obviously, she told Jasper in advance about my predicament so he could obtain the song.

Edward's hands snaked up my leg, and his mouth left burning kisses from my ankle to my inner thigh.

_I wanna be the itch that you scratch - wanna be the chair when you relax  
I gotta be your razor when you shave  
I wanna be the habit that really makes you crave_

Oh, God. Edward had made his discovery. First, all movement ceased for several seconds, and then I heard quiet laughter and my skirt quivered. I squealed and jumped nervously as I felt him cop a feel. My bratty husband laughed again. Then, his hands were on my thighs and his mouth was on my leg, licking it in between tugs as he struggled to pull down the garter without biting through it with those sharp teeth. It tickled, and soon, I was giggling and shrieking, to the delight of family and friends. I grabbed Edward's ears through the material of the gown. Then, I realized he was happy to prolong my torture should I be willing to hold him still, so I gave his head a push. Of course, he didn't budge an inch. "Get a move on!" I ordered, to the delight of the assembled company.

"No way!" his voice came back, loudly.

_I wanna be - your hot tub - when you're dippin'  
I wanna be - your bathrobe - when you're drippin'  
__I wanna be - your cocktail baby - when you're sippin'  
I just wanna be right there - more than anything I swear  
I wanna be - your underwear_

Edward made it down to my ankle, and came out of hiding. His hair was mussed. I reached automatically to run my fingers through it and tidy it up. He knelt on one knee and rested my leg on his thigh. The garter was wrapped loosely around my ankle. Edward stared at me with bedroom eyes. I fell into them. Much more flirting, and I'd be drooling in public.

_I wanna be your sleeping bag - baby slip inside  
Let me be your motorcycle n' take you for a ride - alright  
_  
Edward dragged his burning eyes languidly back down to my ankle. He raised my foot and I pointed my toes. Edward bent down and re-applied his teeth to the garter. Cameras flashed madly. In an instant, the garter was dangling from his mouth. Amazing. He'd managed not to damage it.

Edward crawled up my front and kissed me. "You are such a naughty girl," he groaned in my ear. Then, he stood and held the garter over his head like a trophy. The clapping and wolf-whistling and woo-hooing was _so _mortifying. I continued to giggle, red everywhere, as Edward ran a victory lap around the perimeter of the dance floor.

_I wanna be - your hot sauce - yeah when you're cookin'  
I wanna be - your sunglasses - hey good lookin'  
I wanna be - wanna be the one - you're stick your hook in  
I just wanna be right there - more than anything I swear  
Oh yeah I wanna be - your underwear _

Mercifully, the music ended, and Eric called for the single men to come out and try to catch my garter.

Eric played "It's Raining Men" and the collection of females started singing along. Mike, Austin, Tyler, Charlie, Billy, Conner and Ben took the floor and Eric ran around the sound table to join in. The men spread out competitively for maximum effectiveness.

Edward held up the garter. "It's a little wet," he said apologetically. Then, he looked at where every guy was standing and turned his back on them all. He stood there, probably working out a complicated equation in his head. Then, he raised the garter and pulled back on it like a slingshot, and released it. It whipped through the air and smacked Mike right in the face. Jessica squealed and clapped, ran over and draped herself around Mike's neck.

Mike put the garter on his arm and started dancing with Jess. Ang dragged Ben up. Then, all the singles paired up with their dates and finished out the song. Conner danced with Kate as neither of them had a date. Sue danced with Charlie.

Hang on, Charlie didn't dance. Well, they _were_ friends, and, besides Billy, who else would she have to dance with? I had to admit that she looked very attractive in her yellow outfit. Huh. Did Charlie think so, too?

Edward grabbed me from behind and kissed the sensitive spot behind my ear. Thoroughly. "Now I know why you were so flustered upstairs, my love. My, oh, my. Very minxy, you brat."

"You seemed to enjoy yourself," I grumbled.

"More than you know. But I'll show you my appreciation later." I turned all red again and Edward smiled crookedly, completely entertained and not embarrassed in the least.

"I love it when you blush, Mrs Cullen." Swoon.

Alice ran up and took hold of my train. Huh. It had a button and a loop on it that I hadn't noticed before. Alice girded up the train so I wouldn't trip on it. The dress was now ankle-length all the way around. How thoughtful was that? Alice had her moments.

"You know, back in the day it was risque for ladies to show their ankles. It drove my friends and me mad if a girl walked by us in a short skirt. I _like_ it." Edward growled. He leaned in and kissed me again. I twined my fingers through his hair and held on. Until our activities were interrupted. Again. Sigh.

Eric had picked up the microphone. "Okay, ladies and gentleman, if you would kindly clear the floor, it is time for Edward and Bella to stop kissing and take their First Dance.

Everyone hurried to their seats and out came the cameras. I had something important to say to my mate first.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"I love dancing with you. I want to dance with you _every day_ from now on."

Edward beamed. "Thank you, Bella. I think that can be arranged."

"It might take me awhile to learn properly."

"We have awhile." Edward took my hand and lifted my arm high as he twirled me out on the floor.

We posed. The opening strains of our chosen dance sounded, and Edward pulled me into a Waltz under the golden lights and twinkle lights in the top of the marquis. The evening breeze blew my skirt against my legs. Edward twirled and spun me, and lifted and dipped me in time to the music. It was so easy, dancing with him. Effortless. Like breathing. As always, his body warmed as he exerted himself. Totally ginchy, to quote Emmett.

_You fill up my senses  
like a night in the forest  
like the mountains in springtime,  
like a walk in the rain  
like a storm in the desert,  
like a sleepy blue ocean  
you fill up my senses,  
come fill me again._

_Come let me love you,  
let me give my life to you  
let me drown in your laughter,  
let me die in your arms  
let me lay down beside you,  
let me always be with you  
come let me love you,  
come love me again._

_(instrumental)_

_You fill up my senses  
like a night in the forest  
like the mountains in springtime,  
like a walk in the rain  
like a storm in the desert,  
like a sleepy blue ocean  
you fill up my senses,  
come fill me again. _

Edward spun us in circles, my skirt fluttering. He held me facing away from him, in a ballet lift, by my extended right leg and my left ribs, with my arms out and my left knee bent so that my foot touched my right ankle. Edward dipped me down as the song drifted to an end. Camera flashes strobed through the air. Edward kissed the back of my neck, breathing me in, and then stood me upright while everyone applauded and Esme and Renee sobbed. My cheeks must have been quite pink.

As planned, Charlie came and tapped Edward on the shoulder. Edward bowed to him slightly and ceded his place.

"Hi Dad. Having a good time?" I asked as I put one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand. "I Loved Her First", by Heartland, started. Charlie and I shifted our weight from foot to foot, not travelling anywhere.

"Hey, Bells. Yeah, it's a great party. But when did you go and get all graceful? Where's my clumsy kid?"

I stumbled, turned my ankle over and stepped on his foot while trying to get back my balance. Murphy's Law. "Dad! You jinxed me. Really, I can't dance. Unless it's with Edward, and that's only because we practise so often. We dance all the time."

"Well, I don't usually dance, Bella. And we haven't practised. So you're just gonna have to put up with the Old Man."

"That's fine by me, Charlie. Dad? Thanks for taking care of me for the past two years. I loved living with you. And I love Forks."

"Thanks, Bells. That means a lot to me... You know, I'm sorry I wasted so much time being hateful to Edward. He really is a good young man. More mature than Jacob. More respectful. Jacob wouldn't listen to you when you expressed yourself. He _told_ you what _you_ were thinking. Edward isn't like that. He listens. And he always puts you first. It's a real comfort to watch the way he treats people. I can't tell you how much I regret the time I wasted, when we might have been friends."

A big lump was blocking my throat. "Thanks, Dad. I know you've said most of that before, but I appreciate it anyway. Don't waste time in regret. You two are getting along so well, and that makes me incredibly happy.

"You're right about Jacob. I've thought about it a lot since he ran away. Edward's family teases _him_ about being controlling, because he's overprotective, but really, _Jacob_ is the one who's terribly controlling and manipulative. I never loved him, Dad. Not in that way. Not even when Edward left. And spending time with Jake after Edward came back hurt Edward so badly. He's terrified of loss and I ignored that.

"I let Jake guilt me. I kidded myself that we could be friends. I was wrong. His running away just highlights his childishness. I know Edward ran away, too, but he left to conquer his demons. And Carlisle knew where Edward was almost all the time. Edward had his cell phone and he checked messages.

"I'm actually really angry with Jacob for doing this to us. He punished us all by disappearing, without a word, because he didn't get his way. And he snubbed Billy. Edward would never treat Carlisle badly. I could never have been happy with Jacob. He wants his way, all the time."

Charlie nodded with a grimace. "Sorry to spoil the dance with this kind of talk, Bella. I know mentioning Jacob upsets you."

"It hasn't spoiled anything at all, Dad. I'm glad you let me speak my mind. And I don't get sad or feel guilty about Jacob any more. I haven't for weeks. He's not my responsibility. I'm responsible to Edward."

"You've got your head on straight, girl. Your marriage will be solid. Not like your mother and me. Our values were too different to make things work. But I'll never regret marrying Renee. We had fun while it lasted, and we got you. I'm gonna miss having you at home, Bells. I'm already lonely."

My throat was all thick. I tried to joke with him. "I feel horrible, leaving you to fend for yourself. You could arrest me."

"Hah! I already tried that, and look where it got me. Just promise me you'll call. As often as possible."

"I promise."

The song was over. "Thanks for everything, Charlie. You're a great Dad."

"Thank you, Bells, for giving me the chance. I love you, kid."

"Love you too, Dad." Charlie kissed me, and then it was time to let Edward dance with his mother.

**Please review. I loved you, and posted not one, but 3 chapters today. Do you love me?**


	5. Chapter 5

******Chapter 5: Make Someone Happy**

******The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. I own nothing.**

******If you missed my new A/N for Chap 4, go back and read it. Watch the Hiltons dance the waltz. I promise you it is worth your time. Amazing.**

******Music belongs to its rightful owners. It can be found on YouTube.**

******'What a Wonderful World', Louis Armstrong (****Esme and Edward)**

******'The Prayer', Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli (****Edward and Renee, Bella and Phil)**

**"****Make Someone Happy', Jimmy Durante, {****Carlisle(Best man and Father In Law) and Bella; Edward and Alice (M of Honour)}**

******I do not know how to tap. I don't want to tell you how much research writing this took. But I love tap, and Edward loves to dance, and he lived during Vaudeville and the Great Age of Hollywood. So if I get the steps wrong, send me a gentle fix, thank your mother for making you take lessons, and don't flame me. The song is in 4/4 time, and I have tried to arrange my sentences so each one represents one bar of music.**

******Seth is now presenting you with the Guest Book, and checking if you have signed it. Review. I'm tired from tapping and I'd like a refreshment.**

******Edward's pov:**

I had to admit, I was ecstatic after overhearing Bella. I took Esme by the hand and guided her out onto the dance floor. The song certainly matched my mood. We waltzed to Louis', 'Wonderful World'.

What a consummate entertainer that man had been. My family went to see him so many times, so many years ago. When I shut my eyes, I could still see him performing it.

"You're even happier now than you were an hour ago," Mother accused.

"Shall I feign sadness?" I mocked.

"Hah, hah. Very funny, mister. You know I'm thrilled to see you happy."

"I would have some insight into that, yes." I smirked as I read Esme's mind. She was picturing me, the day Bella and I announced we were engaged. Bella had expressed reservations to me at first, but she had thawed out after some cajoling, and was, thereafter, glowing as brightly as me. Huh. Guess I was glowing even more, now.

"Eavesdropper."

"Bite me."

"Oh!" Esme laughed with a theatrical eye roll, "_Listen _to the way he talks to his mother!"

I chuckled and kissed her cheek. "You know I love you, Mom."

"You'd better remember that, Trouble, now that that wisp of a girl has come between us."

"Yes ma'am."

"That's better."

"And what do you mean, 'Trouble'! I've been an awfully good boy, lately."

"'Lately' being the operative word. And that's only because your little minx has you wrapped around her baby finger."

"Where I am happy to remain indefinitely, thank you."

"Besides, you two seem to get into all kinds of trouble together, that never would have occurred to either of you on your own."

"Well, most of that is nothing that a steel door and a good lock wouldn't fix."

"Cheeky! I was so afraid you would always be alone. Then Bella turned the whole world upside down. She really did knock you to pieces and rebuild you, didn't she?"

"Most certainly. It's a talent of hers, breaking incontrovertible rules, you know. Now, vampire plus human equals compatible."

"It won't be 'vampire plus human' much longer, will it?"

"No, dear. Bella is getting her way. Whenever she's ready."

"No more conflict?"

"No. She was meant for me. Meant to be one of us. Look at her! She's never fit in with the humans."

"You've never fit in with the vampires, either. Vegetarian or otherwise."

"Touché. Perfect. See?"

"Yes, it is. Edward? I'm glad."

"Me, too. Hey, Esme? Thanks for keeping me. You and Carlisle taught me what love is, and what family means."

"I'm just glad you _stayed_ in the family, dear." _We lost you twice. And we might have lost both of you forever._

"Yeah. I'm glad you wanted me back. I'm your favourite kid, admit it."

"You are _Carlisle's_ favourite kid."

"Yours, too," I wheedled, looking through my lashes at her.

"No way I'm telling, you rotten spoiled brat."

"Aw, come on! Who's _your _favourite?!"

Oh, fine! Bella is my favourite. Just for today, mind."

"Well, I can't fault you on that, Mother! She's my favourite too. I'm glad you love the girl I brought home."

"Yeah. And what a dilly of a day _that _was! What, with Alice telling Jasper he wouldn't hurt Bella, and Rose breaking the crystal salad bowl in her tantrum, I thought Bella would run for sure. She is so brave." Esme's eyes sparkled.

"She is, that."

"And beautiful."

"Didn't I say that, from the beginning? But you wouldn't have minded if she'd had one eye and webbed feet, would you?"

"Not really."

"Hah. Thank you for the dance, Mother."

"It's always been lovely dancing with you, dear. But I'm glad the Cullens are all paired up now. Nobody has to sit out."

"I won't be sitting out ever again. Bella told me tonight that she wants me to dance with her every day from now on."

"Well, there's a switch! You must have dazzled her into it."

"That's what she tells me. But I think it's mutual."

"Oh, Edward. You are too smooth. Stop smouldering at her from a distance, and go give her a smooch."

I bowed to Esme , and she curtsied back with a grin.

"Sadly, I have to go dance with Renee next. No time for smouldering and smooching."

"Do as Mother advises you, and go give Bella a kiss."

"Yes, Mother." I scooted over to Bella and gave her a quick kiss before Eric could start the next song.

"Miss me, Edward?"

"Yeah."

"You're supposed to be dancing with my mother, and I am supposed to be dancing with Phil."

"Let 'em wait."

Bella submitted to my wishes, and we soon lost ourselves in the kiss. Eric, blast him, cleared his throat into the microphone.

"If we could pry the newlyweds apart for five minutes, _please_, we could ask Edward to dance with his new mother-in-law, and Bella to dance with her Step-dad." Bella came up for air, and we surrendered with good grace. There would be plenty more time for kisses, after all, even if we were insatiable for them.

Phil came and bowed to Bella, and led her out on the floor. I found Renee and offered my hand. She grinned at me, chuckling. I smiled back at her.

"Oh, Mr. Astaire. Are you here for me?"

"Actually, I hope I'm more of a Mr. Kelly. He's more ginchy."

"Fine. Mr Kelly it is. You like old movies, don't you? You're such an old soul. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were from another time. " I escorted Renee out to join Bella and Phil. Bella and I had chosen a simple song, "The Prayer", by Dion and Bocelli, knowing that neither Renee nor Phil could dance. I led Renee in a simple box step.

"You and Bella have been through a lot." Renee stated. Perceptive flower-child Renee.

"Yes."

"Edward, I have every faith that you and Bella are going to be wonderful together. I must honestly say that I'm certain I never looked at Charlie the way Bella looks at you. And the way you look back at her is special."

"If it's not too personal, why did you marry him?"

"I thought he was Rhett Butler. He probably was, actually. But if he was Rhett, then I was definitely Scarlett. I romanticized everything about our relationship, and never thought things through. I thought love was enough. I didn't realize marriage would be work. You have to compromise, and I was too selfish. And Charlie knew what he wanted, and it was totally different from what I wanted. He wanted stability and home and family, and I wanted adventure, novelty and excitement. I was manipulative. And he was stubborn. We weren't mature enough to be married and we weren't well suited. Not like you and Bella."

"Thank you. But now, you're happy with Phil."

"Yes. Blissfully happy. Phil and I are sympatico. We fill each other's needs. And he makes me feel young and attractive."

"You're not old, Renee."

"Hah, ha! Charmer. Let me give you a quarter. Seriously, now, Edward. I am thrilled to see how much you love my daughter. And she has blossomed with you. It almost makes her move here justifiable. You know, she was a loner in Phoenix. She never had any friends her age."

"I've often wondered about that. She never tried to get in touch with anybody from school or anything."

"There was nobody. She was a middle-aged child, and she sometimes showed other kids her disdain for mere mortals. She got teased, or ignored. She hated school."

"I wondered. She always changed the subject when I asked. But she has lots of friends in Forks. We both have."

"Yes. She learned to make friends, here."

"Well, the locals were very welcoming when they saw what a beauty she was."

"Huh! You don't say!"

"Yeah, there's always been a line-up of guys behind me, waiting for me to make a mistake."

"I find that hard to swallow, Edward."

_That's what Bella said to me last night_, I snickered to myself. I didn't dare say it out loud. Renee might not like the joke. "I'm serious, Renee. Four of my ex-rivals are here tonight, actually. A couple are having lascivious thoughts about a married woman."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"I've been watching them."

"Well, I don't think you have anything to worry about. My kid is head over heels in love with you."

"I know. Good thing it's reciprocated, eh?"

"It had better be, handsome, or you'll have me to deal with."

"Ooh, Scary Mother-in-law!" I grinned crookedly.

"Just because I'm little doesn't mean I can't kick your butt."

" Remember who you're talking to, Renee. Alice is 4'10" and the entire family walks on eggshells around her. Threats will never be necessary. I love Bella. Deeply. And she's my best friend."

"I know. You're a good boy, Edward. You'll take care of Bella. But you need to bring her to visit us in Jacksonville. You need some sun." Renee patted my cheek.

"Okay. We'll do that, Renee," I chuckled mendaciously. I bowed and kissed her hand, and Phil and I swapped girls and walked off the dance floor.

Bella and I kissed as we walked toward the side. She smelled and tasted so good, warm from the dancing. Suddenly, I found myself _sans_ Bella and walking back toward the centre of the floor. Damn!

"Alice! _Must_ we have 5000 introductory dances? Bella and I have to be at the airport at 3 am, you know."

"I can't help it if Bella has three parents, Edward. The formalities must be observed." Alice handed me my taps. I kicked off my dress shoes and slipped into them.

"But I'm not getting to spend any time with her!" I whined. I lobbed the dress shoes at Jazz, who caught them deftly out of the blue.

Bella was now dancing with Carlisle to Jimmy Durante's 'Make Someone Happy'. They were doing a slow Quickstep that was very cute. I guess she didn't mind being dazzled enough to follow her father-in-law's lead, but it meant that he had to concentrate on dazzling her, rather than making conversation. Basically, he asked her how she was doing, told her he loved her, and that was it.

"You'll have plenty of time with her later. All the time in the world. Alone." Alice did a little tap: One, two, three, four. _Maxie Ford, Maxie Ford. Shuffle-side, snap, snap. Heel, toe, ball, shuffle. Ball, shuffle, back, back._

Alone. With my mate. With my moral prerequisites satisfied. Grr. Alice and I conversed as we passed rhythmic patterns back and forth, with growing complexity.

"Keep it down, stud. You have a few hours to get through before you can indulge yourself. Behave."

"Carlisle?" murmured Bella, "Would you mind terribly if we stop and watch Edward and Alice?"

"Not at all, Bella. I like to watch them, too. If we just stand here and sway a bit, we can kill two birds with one stone. I didn't know they were tapping tonight. It's been years since they've done it."

"I didn't even know they could do it."

"You are asking too much of me, sister." I challenged Alice with my feet. And_-chug, and-chug, go left go left. And-flap, flap, flap, flap. And chug and chug, go right, go right. And-flap, flap, flap, flap. Ball, heel, ball, heel-_and. _ Shuffle, shuffle, flap, flap._

"Deal with it. Besides, there's only one more formal dance, and you get to do it with Bella." Alice's feet matched mine.

"Not in public, Alice." I challenged Alice again. _Maxie Ford, Maxie Ford. Jump, shuffle, pick-up-toe- jump-toe. Back pull, heel, heel. Back pull, heel, heel._

"Ooh!!! You are so bad. I walked right into that one, didn't I?" _Do it with Bella. Sheesh._

I rolled my eyes. "You're neglecting to tap, Alice." _Jump-over-the top, scuff it left. Jump-over-the top, scuff it right. Brush-heel, pull-back-full, back-full, back- full. Brush-heel, pull-back-full, back-full back- full, Back- pull, heel- heel. Back- pull, heel- heel. _

"Everybody seems to be having a good time," Alice said smugly, putting me to shame with her tapping.

_Jump, heel, toe, toe. Back, heel, sli-de. Jump, heel, toe,toe. Back, heel, sli-de. Stomp, hop-shuffle, step, step. Fuh-lat, ball change, fuh-lat, ball change. Stomp, hop-shuffle, step, step. Fuh-lat, ball change, fuh-lat, ball change._

"Yeah."

"I told you so."

The music ended, but we kept going. _Brush-pick-up, brush-pick up, brush-pick-up, brush-pick-up. _

"How many times do you intend to say that, you annoying little pixie?"

"About as many times as you and Bella told me you were eloping to Vegas." _Wing, wing, wing, wing. Wing, wing, wing, wing._

"Aw, crap! Together Alice!"

_Maxie Ford, Maxie Ford. Fuh-lat ball change, toe, toe. Maxie Ford, Maxie Ford. Fuh-lat ball change, toe, toe.. Brush-pick-up, brush-pick up, brush-pick-up, brush-pick-up. Shuffle-ball-change, stomp, stomp. Shuffle-ball-change, stomp, stomp. Hop, shuffle-step, toe, toe. Hop, shuffle-step, toe, toe. Double-toe, double-toe, double-toe, double-toe. Double-toe, double-toe, double-toe, double-toe. Jump over-the-top, and chug, and chug, Stomp!_

******Review.**


	6. Chapter 6

******Chapter 6: It Started with the Shoes**

******Caution: This chapter is rated M for hard Lemons. **

******Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. No copyright infringement is intended. Material is quoted or paraphrased from BD, Chapter 4.**

******'Moon River', sung by Frank Sinatra, belongs to its respective owners. **

******So, gentle reader, did you ever check out my sketch of Bella in her wedding dress? Find the link to my webpage on my profile. **

******Are you enjoying the party? Review.**

******Bella's pov**

Finally, we got through all the special dances. There was to be a 10 minute break, and then it would be time to open the dance to everyone.

Edward collected me, with a crooked grin, from Carlisle, who patted him on the shoulder and thanked him for doing the tap dance with Alice. I was still staring at him, lips parted.

"Minx, you are looking at me like I'm something to eat," he teased, velvety smooth.

Edward had removed his tap shoes and had them slung over one shoulder. Now in his socks, he was busy looking for Jasper, who was nowhere in sight, naturally. Hmm. Shoes down, jacket down, tie down. I should just take him upstairs and finish the job of undressing him.

Em came over and clapped Edward on the back, grinning. He was holding my husband's shoes, and an exchange was made. Rats.

"Thank goodness. I didn't want to quick step wearing taps." Edward toed over a chair and guided me into it. Then, he pulled one up for himself.

"You never told me you could tap." I accused my mate.

"It was very popular once. Not anymore. Rose took lessons when she was a kid and I learned in the '30s. Alice picked it up in the 40's before she even met us".

"Don't Jazz and Em tap?"

"No. Jazz and Em like Southern and Latin dances. They haven't gone out of style. We haven't had occasion to tap in years," Edward shrugged.

"Well, it's totally sexy. You'll have to teach me someday."

"I'd love to. I'm sure the girls would be glad to help you learn, too. The hardest part is probably choosing the right shoe. Dancing will come easily to you after the change. Hey, Em? What happened to Jazz?"

"Jasper is upstairs, removing guests from various bedrooms. Including yours," Em declared. Edward was on his feet in an instant. Emmett gave him a little push back down on the chair.

"Relax. Nothing's been disturbed. Yet." Emmett waggled his eyebrows at his brother.

"Who's my intruder. Or pair of intruders?"

"You don't want to know," said Alice, handing her taps to Em and taking back her pumps.

"Yes, I do. As long as there's no harm done, I'm not going to kill anybody. I should have locked the door. Tanya again?"

"Heck, no. After last time? No, the Denalis will never invade your space again. Tanya and Kate learned their lessons."

"Best keep the door locked, tonight. Jasper has already kicked three couples out of our rooms. Humans, at least, would have a hard time getting in if you locked up," Emmett advised.

"Now, we're getting somewhere. Who?"

"Promise you won't get mad?" Alice asked timidly.

"Alice!"

"Okay, okay," she huffed. "Renee and Phil."

Edward pinched his nose. Six people noticed and took pictures. "I really must stop doing that," he sighed. "I guess they thought their overnight stay entitled them to repeat stays," he said with an eye roll.

"It would be best if you feign ignorance, Edward," Alice advised.

"Okay, I'll let it go. It's not really a discussion I fancy having today, anyhow. Is my door locked now?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Thank Jasper for me."

"Shall do. Bella needs a rest, soon, Edward. Fetch her a drink. At 9:50, you should take her upstairs and get changed into your going away outfits." Alice winked, and walked away.

I looked at Edward. I think I may have drooled, a little. He smirked at me as his siblings disappeared into the crowd.

"Are you tired, Mrs Cullen?"

"I'm still to excited to be tired, Beautiful. But my feet hurt. I'm not used to wearing heels. Or dancing so much."

"Well, I don't see any reason why you need to keep your shoes on. Just be careful nobody dances on your toes." Edward lifted my foot into his lap and had me out of my right shoe for the second time this evening. He rubbed my rapidly swelling foot tenderly. Heaven.

"I don't know how women stood wearing these, back in the day."

"We were used to hard shoes, dear. Wearing sneakers all the time would have been gauche." He ribbed me.

"Gee, there were sneakers back then?"

"Ouch! Thanks for making me feel so young," Edward laughed under his breath and liberated my left foot, adding it to his lap, "but you're _nearly_ right. Sneakers were invented in 1917. I didn't have a pair until 1920. They weren't very durable, but they were better than hunting barefoot."

"I didn't think you had to protect your feet."

"Ever had a bison stomp on you?"

"I get your point." I discreetly moved my right foot to caress a sensitive spot.

"You keep doing that, and I'm not going to make it a whole hour and a half before liberating you from those buttons," Edward threatened. I used my foot again, and he growled a little, dazzling me with those eyes like molten gold. "Behave."

Eric was back at his table, and music resumed. Sighing with an odd mix of reluctance and smugness, my groom set my feet gently back on the floor, and pulled me up. Our wedding party members were already dancing with their loved ones. Edward manoeuvred me into waltz position. I took my hands back, and looped them around his neck. I stepped up onto his feet, as I'd done so long ago at Prom, and hid my face against his neck.

Edward sighed, and enfolded me in his arms. He rocked me gently and I felt his body warm. Part of him was _very_ glad to hold me so close. That part was squashed against me. Okay, he was 100 percent happy to have me so close. I peeked up at him from under my lashes, content, and fell into his loving eyes, that were fixed on me as usual. Edward sang along, so I sang too. He loved it whenever I sang for him, heaven knows why because I couldn't sing.

_Moon River wider than a mile,  
I'm crossing you in style someday.  
Oh, dream maker, you heart-breaker,  
Wherever you're going I'm going your way._

_Two drifters off to see the world,  
There's such a lot of world to see.  
We're after the same rainbows end,  
and waiting round the bend,  
My huckleberry friend, Moon River, and me. _

We danced a couple of more times, and then the taps on the shoulder commenced. I was passed from hand to hand until it seemed like I had danced with nearly every person there. Even Jasper danced with me. He had come so far with his self-control in the past year.

Edward had condescended to give Jess a condolence prize by accepting when she asked him to dance. After all, he said, she had abandoned her interest in him. Consequently, a couple of dances later, Mike decided to dance with me. He tried to make small talk, but he wasn't doing very well, and I was no help because all I could think about was Edward and my happy place.

Edward cut in, politely. Mike surrendered me with a small smile and moved away to find his date. Edward watched him go, smirking.

"You didn't have to rub it in that you won," I remonstrated gently.

"Oh, yes, I most certainly did. Mike is having improper thoughts, not about his date -who is only having improper thoughts about him for once- but about a married woman. Who happens to be my wife. That happens to tick me off."

"Jealous."

"Guilty. I don't like to share. Ask Mother. I have long-term issues with sharing."

"You don't have to share me. I don't like to share you, either." I twined my fingers in his hair and pulled his head down into a kiss.

"We are so perfectly matched," my husband muttered in my ear as he nuzzled it.

"That's why you love me," I sang.

"That's right, Minx. Do you have any idea how utterly, heart-breakingly beautiful you are tonight?"

"How about you tell me?" I whispered, looking coyly through my eyelashes.

"I'd rather show you. Would you care to accompany me upstairs, Mrs Cullen?"

A surge of electricity shot through me, leaving me heavy-limbed and wet.

Edward's voice was rough as he growled into my ear. "I take it that's a 'yes'." He kept my hand, but tucked my arm up under his elbow. He murmured to Alice as we passed by and she whispered something back and handed him something. We retreated quietly into the dark.

Once around the corner of the house, Edward scooped me up into his arms and ran me up to Alice's room.

"Hey, mister. Wrong room!" I giggled.

"Ssh. Jazz is still patrolling. Button hook."

"Oh."

We crept into the room and shut the door. Edward put his hands on the back of my waist, and steered me over to Alice's huge, gilt mirror.

"You see? Heart-rendingly beautiful." Edward stood behind me, looking at my eyes reflecting in the glass, and put a hand on each side of my face. "A chestnut haired beauty." He traced the heavy braids around my head, and ran his fingers lightly down the sides of my neck and down my lace sleeves.

"Slender and soft," he drawled, snaking his arms around my waist, and letting those hands wander up to my chest, where they brushed over my breasts on their way to the lacy neck of the dress. His fingers sampled the lace, and returned to torment my be-zooms. My breath picked up. My arm reached up over my head to the back of his neck, and I turned my eyes toward him a little and pressed my nose into his throat. I could still smell the shaving cream on him, besides his normal scent. I liked to tease him sometimes in private by calling him Mocha-chino. But there was sandalwood and allspice, too. In reality, he smelled better than all of that put together. Someday, I'd be able to distinguish all the ingredients that were his essence. I was looking forward to that.

"With skin of cream and roses," Edward sighed. He ran his hands down the satin front of my bodice and back up again, "and eyes like melted chocolate, huge with excitement and fringed with thick, long lashes." His hands were back on my jaw, tipping my head so he could get at my earlobe. He licked up my jugular and nuzzled my ear, and then turned his attention back to the mirror.

"And in that clingy skirt, her exquisite, curvy legs look ten miles long," he said roughly, pushing his hand down the front of my skirt to palm me through its thin fabric. I dribbled wetly onto his hand, ruining the front of the skirt. Edward purred. His other hand travelled around to iron and knead my backside.

"And her undergarments, and lack thereof, were designed to drive me mad all day, when there was no way to touch her and gain any relief from the torture." To prove it, he thrust his erection against my hip and rubbed himself back and forth. That was enough for me.

I flipped around in Edward's arms and launched myself at him. I could only get one leg around him, in the restrictive skirt. The other leg dangled. Edward leaned back a bit to support me by the butt, and rained kisses on my chest, my neck, my throat. I moaned.

"Take me to bed. Now." I demanded.

"My, my. We are in a hurry, aren't we?" he crooned.

"Yes. A big hurry. To save Alice's carpet. I'm dripping on it. Alice is going to be furious. I'm dripping on you, too. And all over this designer dress," I fussed.

"Well, we can't have that." Edward stroked the back of my neck as he set me down. "I'll take you upstairs and we'll deal with all those pesky pearl buttons. I'll play with you. But I want you to understand something, Minx. I am not going to take you here at home. There is too much risk of interruption. Besides, we are leaving for the airport in about three hours, and I will not rush through this experience.

"We are going to take it slow. I am going to drive you so mad with pleasure that you will think you are having an out of body experience. I am going to torment you until you scream for me. _La Mia Cantante,_ you _will_ scream my name. A lot. And I will not be cheated out of my grand plan. I will have you on my terms. I will not be argued with, or seduced out of it. Do you understand?"

I nodded my answer, quite incapable of speech. My brain cells had leaked out all over the carpet the moment he'd said 'play'.

"Where's your going away outfit?" Edward asked. Unfortunately, my brain had left the building.

"Um. Don't know, don't care. Why?"

"Silly Bella. Are you dazzled? You have to wear it when I take you back down." Edward opened the door to Alice's walk-in closet. He turned on the light and looked around. In a prominent position was a white garment bag, labelled 'Bella's Going Away Outfit'.

"Bless Alice. Nothing, if not thorough. That's handy. Took no time at all." Edward smiled crookedly, draped the garment bag over his arm, steered me out of the closet, killed the light and latched the door.

"Now all we need is the confounded button hook."

I walked over to the highboy and retrieved the hook. "Here," I told him.

"Excellent. We're done. Let's spruce off before some sappy date comes looking for us."

"Yeah."

"Ready to go, Mrs Cullen?"

"Uh-huh."

"Great. Monosyllables. Can you form a coherent thought?"

"Nope."

"Oh, boy. Dear, I may have overdone it on the dazzle. Oh, well. You'll be fine in a minute. Got everything? Good. I've got Alice's keys. Let's go." Edward tucked my hand in his again, and peeked out the door.

"So far so good," he murmured. "All clear." He pulled me into the hallway and quickly locked the door.

Edward tucked me under his arm and flew me upstairs. He set me carefully outside our door and told me not to move. He unlocked the door and carried in the garment bag. Then, he came back and carried me over the threshold. When he had set me down, he went back and locked the door. He turned to me with a hungry look. The good kind.

"All right, Mrs Cullen. Shall we get you out of that repressive Victorian clothing?"

"Okay," I said, a little hesitantly.

"You're not feeling shy, are you?" he said disbelievingly.

"No, not really. I'm just wondering if you know how to use that button hook."

"Sure. When I was a little kid, shoes still had buttons like these. The hook was very useful."

"So you could do your own buttons?" I smiled.

"Yeah, when I was about six." Edward turned me away from him, and applied the hook to the top button. He flipped the fabric loop off of it, and started on the next one.

"I have a hard time picturing you as a six year old."

"Oh, well, now that you're my wife, I guess you can ask Esme to dig out the baby pictures."

"Wait. No! Seriously? There are baby pictures of you?" I was way beyond excited. I started to turn and face Edward, but he put his hands on my shoulders and put me back in place. The button hook poked in and out of my buttons again.

"A few. Along with my parents' portraits and two wedding photos. There's one of me in short pants, too."

"That is so awesome. Can I see, now?"

"Most of them are in storage. And there's _something else _we're supposed to be doing right now, Minx, remember?"

"_Most_ of them?" I grinned coaxingly, distracted by the idea of Baby Edward holding a rattle.

"Oh, all right. I've got one. Let's get it over with so I can get back to dazzling you."

"Yay!" I scrambled over to the couch and sat down. Edward grabbed an ancient journal off his shelf unit and rummaged through it. He pulled out a small photo and offered it to me. Then, he sat next to me on the couch, looking a little shy.

"Oh, darling! You were so cute! Look at the ruddy cheeks! How old?"

"About two. Like the white dress?"

"Very sweet. Just look at those chubby little legs," I marvelled. "And the boots have buttons, just like you said. What colour were they?"

"I'm not sure. Probably brown."

I looked more closely at the picture. It was in sepia tone, but I could just barely tell that his eyes were light. And the hair. Well!

"Your hair is exactly the same," I smirked.

"I know," he grumbled.

"I _love_ your hair, Mr Cullen."

"Really. What else do you love about me, Mrs. Cullen?"

I took the photo and set it carefully on one of the shelves. Then I walked back over to my husband and turned my back to him. "I love how fast you can undo buttons, Mr Cullen," I flirted. In a flash, he was behind me. He made short work of the remaining buttons.

"There. All done, Minx. I didn't even break _one_." Edward was doubtless now getting a view of the cleft between my buttocks, since the buttons of the dress went so low.

"I'm proud of you, Beautiful. I love that you are gentle. I love your hands. These long fingers, that _know_ me." I caressed and kissed them. "I love your eyes, they are molten gold tonight." I ran my fingers over his brow. "I love your abs. They clench when you're feeling strong emotion. How sexy is that!" I ran my hands over them, smirking at him when they clenched. "I love your mouth. It's so expressive. And that bottom lip is just _so _kissable."

"Then kiss me, love."

I reached up and pulled Edward's head down so I could kiss him. I pushed my tongue against his upper lip and he sighed and let me enter his mouth. Our tongues met and fought for dominance. He pushed me back, swallowed and leaned in again. I drew the shape of his mouth with my tongue, and he pulled my lower lip between his and sucked it.

Meanwhile, those long, slender fingers were wandering again. Down my bare back, onto my ass. His breath hitched when he encountered the lace of the garter belt. So my man liked soft lace, did he?

"So ... where were we? Oh, yes. I was telling my beautiful bride that there was no relief from the torture of knowing she had no underwear on all day."

"Do continue."

"Mmm. Her spirit is indomitable. She runs, wild and free, through the barriers of this world." Edward pulled down the high collar of my dress, and licked my throat. "She knocks down my preconceived notions and has her way with me. She throws back her head with my name in her mouth."

"Yes. Edward. Your name. Only yours."

"She is mine, with lips swollen from kissing, and she pulls down my head and drowns me in her heady scent."

I pulled him down to me and left kisses along his jaw. He shuddered.

"And under her clothes, she keeps secrets. I will be the only man to learn them. Ever." With that, Edward slipped my gown off my shoulders to my waist, revealing my pert breasts in their lacy, white bra.

My husband moaned with desire. Yes, he definitely liked soft lace. He extricated me from the fitted lacy sleeves, and picked up my hands and placed them on his shoulders. Then, he slid his hands under the waistline of the dress, and pushed it down past my hips. The dress fluttered down and spilled onto the floor, surrounding my feet like a puddle of milk. I stood before him in my lace bra, garter belt, and white silk stockings, smouldering.

"Oh, God, Bella! How exquisite. I need your flesh on my tongue. I want to taste you, everywhere."

I motioned toward the black leather couch, and Edward pushed me back on it firmly. He started licking at my throat, and progressed down to my bra strap. At the same time, he thumbed my nipples through the lace. I moaned.

"Say my name, Bella. I want to hear my name in your mouth."

"Edward," I sighed. My eyes rolled up in my head a little. "More!"

He held my wrist over my head and licked his way down to my underarm. I was embarrassed to admit it, but I liked it. I purred a little.

"I love it when you make that sound. Only I can make you vocalize like that. Say it."

"Yes. Only you, love. Only you can bring sounds out of me."

"Make some noise for me, Bella." Edward progressed over to my tit, and suckled it through the lace. I obliged him. When the lace was thoroughly drenched, he slipped his tongue under the edge of the bra and sought out my nipple. He pulled down my bra straps and growled. Then, he took one breast in each hand, holding them up to suckle, pinch and roll the supple flesh. He drew the infinity symbol on my chest, dragging his velvet tongue back and forth over each nipple until I thought I would lose my mind. I went over the edge into bliss.

"Fuck, Edward! Oh, God!" I whimpered. I couldn't remember ever swearing like that before. Edward raised his head to grin at me saucily as I squirted my juices all over his shirt. He ran his hand over the wet linen and brought it to his face, inhaling.

"Did you just find God because of me, Bella? You'd better say your prayers, because I am taking you to Heaven tonight."

"Lower!" I snarled.

"Patience."

"Then mark me. Suck my skin 'til I bruise. Mark me as yours."

Edward snarled and crawled back up my front. He ever-so-gently turned my head and placed his mouth on my jugular behind my ear. He sucked, hard, and rubbed himself against my leg. After a few minutes of this, he knelt back and inspected my neck from different angles. His eyes were black. In a good way.

"You are the most dangerous creature, Mrs Cullen. I do believe that you have a hickey. I'm going to have to cover it with your hair. It is for my eyes only."

"Edward, you have to be the most self-controlled vampire on the planet. Now, get your mouth back on me. Lower."

Eyeing me, he applied his mouth to my inner thigh, and his hands to the task of removing my stockings. He rolled them down and off. Then, he pushed my knees farther apart and put his long hands under my thighs, pushing them up and holding them aloft. "Talk dirty to me, Isabella."

"I want your mouth on me, Edward Cullen! I want you to lap at my pussy until I cum. Until I forget my own name. I want you to swallow my jizz. I want to shower you in it. And I want your tongue and your fingers inside me. I want it now. I want it _yesterday_! Now, Edward! I've been waiting for you to touch me all day. It's too long to wait."

"_Fuck. Me_!" He murmured, so softly I wasn't sure I'd heard him. He bent his head to the task, and I bucked and came before he even touched me. He grunted loudly and put his mouth on me, licking it up. Ecstasy! I came again and again in waves, dousing him in torrents of hot jism. He moaned and purred and talked to God as he made thorough use of his tongue and hands and the faint rime of stubble on his chin. He was relentless. It was unbearably pleasurable. Over and over, I bucked and groaned and pulled his damp hair and marked him with my cum, with his name in my mouth, until finally, I had an earth-shattering orgasm and screamed for him at the top of my lungs.

I lay back on the couch, spent, with my breath heaving. I swear I had left my body at some point. I rolled onto my side and bent my legs into a loose fetal position, with my heart slamming against my ribs and my breath wheezing in and out. After several calming minutes, I chanced looking at my mate.

Edward was sitting on the floor, still in his ruined shirt and pants, staring delightedly at me like I was the best thing since sliced bread. He was a total mess, and he was as smug as the cat who ate the cream. Oh, the lion _did_ eat the cream. The evidence was everywhere. He reached out and brushed a tendril of hair off my sweaty forehead.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I think you are a sex god. I think I want to do this with you 24 hours a day. And I think all my bones have turned to jello. There is no way I can walk back downstairs tonight. You'll have to carry me around, looking like Esme's Raggedy Ann doll." I smirked at him and he smiled crookedly back.

"Well, I don't mind carrying you, but we can't go down like this. I'll go run us a quick tub." He started to stand up. I pulled him back down.

"Wait. Don't you want a turn? You spent a lot of time on me. It's not fair to you." I fretted.

Edward smoothed the hair off my face again. "Bella, we are supposed to be downstairs, and don't worry about me. You can take care of me another time. We have forever. I already came," he admitted.

I was a little surprised. Surely he needed more. "When did you cum, love?"

"Which time?" he asked shyly.

"_Which time_? What do you_ mean_, which time?!" My mind reeled.

"You are so hot, my love. And male vampires, well, um, we're not like our human counterparts. We're always ready to go."

"Yeah, but still. I don't want to neglect you," I protested.

Edward swallowed a grin. "I came four times, love. I have shot my load so often today, it's a wonder I'm still conscious."

"Vampires can't pass out."

"That's the common theory, but if _anyone_ could create an outcome that is outside of 'normal', it would be you. I feel sleepy. I don't remember _ever _feeling sleepy before. It must be whatever passes for endorphins in this body. He stretched, and got to his feet a little unsteadily.

"W-o-w!" I gaped. "Do you feel okay?"

"I feel phenomenal. Now, let's go wash so we don't blatantly advertise what we've been doing. Even the humans would smell us a mile away."

"Edward ... um ... did you like it?"

"Isabella Marie! Do I look unhappy to you?" he demanded, grinning.

I blushed and smiled, "No. You look completely satisfied, actually. And proud of yourself."

"You left out that I'm proud to be your mate, and proud of you for being such a vixen. Now, would you please see if you can locate our robes while I go fill the tub?"

"I think I can manage that."

"Tremendous." Edward opened the door, peeked out in the hall and tiptoed into the bathroom. I looked around, and found our robes neatly folded at the foot of the bed. I found my soft-sided jewelry case on the shelf and carefully pulled Grandma Marie's sapphire combs from my hair. They went in the case, along with my diamond stud earrings. My watch was already in it. I planned to leave time behind.

I slipped on my robe and picked up Edward's, and padded softly across the hall. He was lying on his back underwater with his knees sticking up, and he grinned up at me like a merman when he saw me watching.

Edward sat up and leaned his head on his forearm on the side of the tub. "Joining me?"

Edward Cullen: gravelly-voiced, naked, dripping wet, smelling of coffee, whipped cream, and my jizz. Smiling and ochre-eyed. Thank you God! "Wild horses couldn't stop me."

Edward chuckled and made room. I dropped my robe and got in. Naturally, I slipped and he had to hold me up by my ass until I got control of my feet.

"Ah, there's the girl I know and love. You've been so graceful today, I was starting to wonder if you'd been replaced by an alien."

"Tell me there aren't aliens!" I shuddered.

Edward snickered, "Not so far as we know."

I sat with my head at the opposite end of the tub, and ran my toes through the hair on his chest. "You are such a stud. I can't believe the first time you bathed with me was only three weeks ago."

"Under a towel, no less."

"You really have mastered self-control since then. You were so chicken at first. Your attitude and your black thong were quite the incompatible pair."

Something came up like a periscope out of the water. Edward rolled his eyes and I giggled evilly. "I think we will have to deal with that, Mr Cullen, or the wedding guests will be getting a show they didn't bargain on. I don't want to give them an education."

"Some of them wouldn't mind. Some of them have been checking me out all day."

"You're mine. If I caught them, I'd have to defend my turf."

Edward seemed to think that was immensely funny. "Good luck with that!" he choked. Huh. So at least one of the letches drooling over him was a vampire, I surmised.

"Well, if I can't fight them, I will just have to make sure my turf is clearly marked," I decided.

"You already marked me with your scent. It will be faint, but trust me, the vampires won't miss it."

"Then perhaps I should mark myself with yours."

"And how do you intend to do that?" Edward flirted, looking at me from under his lashes. Instead of answering, I pulled back my legs off his chest, leaned forward and slipped my hands under those divine glutes. He accommodatingly raised his hips out of the water for me. I slid my legs under his butt, and coaxed him forward a bit so that my knees were behind his back. He hovered over me, not touching.

"Let me support your weight."

'I-I don't know, Bella. I don't want to hurt you."

"Just let me try, Edward. I want to see how heavy you are."

Edward nodded and lowered himself by inches onto my legs. Truthfully, he was very heavy, but I could still wiggle my toes so I guessed it wouldn't kill me. In all honesty, I was amped.

"Mmm. Thank you, Edward." I sprinkled water on his glorious abs.

"For what?" he asked, surprised.

"For trusting me to support your body."

"Trusting you has never been the problem. Trusting myself not to _break_ you is the problem."

"I might not be able to support you for long, but I want to try. Are you comfortable with that?"

"For the moment, I'm willing to suspend my anxiety. But I could shatter your legs if I move at the wrong moment, Bella. If I remove myself, you mustn't protest."

"Deal." I retrieved the soap and reached past his hard-on to lather his shoulders, chest, and abs. I reached around his sides and palmed circles everywhere I could reach, and felt his body temperature rise. I washed his legs. Finally, I soaped those areas that nobody aside from the two of us were entitled to touch.

Edward's breath hitched and his abs clenched. His dick was twitchy. He was so aroused that it was firmly bent up to lie on his belly. I poured water over him with cupped hands, drinking in every inch of him. His wet hair was dark brown streaked with red. It hung down over his eyes, which were darkening with desire.

I decided to relieve his twitchy suffering. I tried to pull his shaft upright with difficulty. I wondered if it was like trying to steer a plane. This was harder, I imagined, especially since I was trying to hold him up at the same time, and he must have weighed 300 pounds. Edward took pity on the feeble human and pulled his dick down for me. "Don't blow a gasket, Bella," he growled.

"Oh, are you a gasket, Mr Cullen? I thought you were a vampire." I quipped. Putting my hand over his, I tickled his glans with my breath. He growled again. I moved quickly to ram him down my throat. I elicited a hiss. Success, thought I.

"Dangerous creature," Edward spit. His knees buckled and I felt his weight increase. My fingers played with his sensitive areas, tickling, pressing and kneading. I sucked him hard, for several minutes, while he shuddered and groaned. A silvery cast appeared under the skin of his phallus. Hmm. I wondered if he blushed silver. I'd have to test it sometime.

Suddenly, his weight was gone from my legs. They were, admittedly, tingling with pins and needles. Edward sat on the corner of the tub, one foot outside it on the floor, the other propped up on the far side. His chest heaved up and down and his legs quivered. After a couple of minutes, he motioned me back, accusing me of being a seductive little minx. Edward rested one hand on his thigh, and the other on the faucet. He was avoiding touching me, I knew. I went back to my work. His knuckles turned white. He talked to me, and it turned into a roar.

"Bella, look out! I'm cumming!" I backed up instantly and watched him buck and throw back his head with my name in his mouth.

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander," I informed him. He was still yelling. Totally hot. Suddenly, there was an enormous metallic wrenching noise, and I was being doused with water.

I squealed in surprise. Edward was looking at something in his hand, chagrined. He handed me the object, and reached over my head.

The flow of water ceased.

I realized that I was holding the faucet and tap. So much for that! Edward was busy pinching the water pipe flat and folding up the end as easily as if it were a piece of newspaper, so no more water could leak out.

"You okay?" he asked softly, checking the seal.

"You are completely fascinating, do you know that? Of course I'm okay. So you broke the furniture. It's not the first time. No big."

"Yeah, I guess. Better the fixtures than your head. But at this rate, I'm going to owe Carlisle and Esme a new bathroom. First somebody wrecks the toilet, now this. In the name of all that's holy, you are some minxy chick, Bella Cullen."

"I aim to please, Mr Cullen." I retrieved what I could of his splooge, and rubbed it behind my ears and down the skin of my throat.

Edward lowered himself back into the tub. "Come here, love, and let me wash you." He pulled my back against his chest and ran his bar of sandalwood soap over my front. It was so relaxing...

* * *

"Bella? Cutie-pie? It's time to wake up."

Wake up? I opened one eye and realized that I was spooned up cozily in bed with my mate.

"What's going on?" I tried to put my head together. Weren't we supposed to be somewhere?

"Bella, it's 11:30 and the wedding guests are starting to notice we're missing. It's time to get dressed and go back down."

"I fell asleep?"

"Just a little catnap. I let you sleep long enough to get all your hairpins out and take down your braids. Your hair's totally minxy," he laughed fondly.

I sat up and my hair sprang out all around me. I looked like I'd been electrocuted.

"Thanks. I think. That feels better, even if it looks ridiculous. You smell wonderful, Mocha-chino."

"Likewise, Minx. But I've been coming up against your scent all day, you know."

"Really."

"Yeah. Apparently some little vixen stole my bathrobe this morning and wore it around, resulting in my seventh involuntary climax of the mid-day."

I examined him carefully. "You weren't kidding about the passing out, were you?"

"No."

I swung my legs to the floor and retrieved the garment bag, and unzipped it. "Huh. Alice has condescended to allow me to have some underwear," I announced.

"Don't wear it on my account," Edward said, pulling on a short-sleeved dress shirt and a light sweater with new chinos.

"You'll like this pair. It's blue."

"Don't show me now, then, or we might miss the plane."

I hurried into my bra, and pulled the white linen shell and royal blue miniskirt on. I reached under the skirt, and tugged down the hem of the blouse until it was straight. I put on the woven leather belt. Then, I added the lightweight blue cardigan. "I take it we are not bound for Antarctica, Mr Cullen."

"You take it correctly." Edward put his hands over my head from behind, and fastened a heavy gold chain,sporting an oval gold medallion with a silver insignia in the middle, around my neck. I touched it admiringly, with some reverence.

"Thank you. The Cullen Crest. This is lovely and I'm honoured," I kissed Edward and narrowed my eyes. "but don't change the subject. Can I have a hint?"

"No," he chuckled.

Edward gave me the once-over and purred his approval. He took my hand and led me to the door.

"Shouldn't we tidy up before we go down?"

"No. Leave it all. I want them all to be shocked. We'll lock the door for now, and hand the key to Alice just before we leave. It's payback time." Edward pulled the door shut and locked it, smirking like a little boy.

"I love the way you think, Mr Cullen."

"That's why you married me, Minx."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Witnesses**

**Today's A/N is important. Please read it.**

**The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. All music belongs to its respective owners. I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**For those of you whom I told to expect a Jacob chapter, please know that I've been having a hard time with Jacob. He's been telling me that he's nicer than I have written him. We've been hashing it out for a week. I had to break the chapter into two parts as it was getting too long. So this is the first half, and you'll hear about Jacob in the next chapter, which I'm also posting tonight. Chapter 9 will be from Edward's pov. Then, just to be fair to Jacob, I'm writing Chapter 10 from his pov. So you get four chaps instead of two.**

**Lyrics from wwwdotlyricsdepotdotcom**

**All music belongs to its respective owners. You can find it on YouTube.**

**'Sexual Healing Extended Version', Marvin Gaye**

**'Tenderly', Rosemary Clooney**

**Bella's pov**

Edward didn't set me down when we reached the foot of the stairs. Rather, he shifted me into bridal style and demanded whether Raggedy Ann would really like to be carried for the rest of the evening. Yeah, right. In this miniskirt.

There was a snort from the corner of the living room. Jasper was sitting there, quietly, with one of his history books. He loved to write notes in the margins, pointing out mistakes and correcting them, and that was his present occupation.

There was an answering snicker from Edward. I suspected that it had something to do with something Jasper had thought about my very short skirt and my very blue undies, and the resulting view. Why did Jasper always seem to be around when I was hanging out of my clothing? At least I was _wearing_ panties this time. That still didn't stop me from blushing.

Edward set me down. Jazz set down his book and approached us. "Well, don't you two look ... casual. Have a nice time ...erm... spooning?" His eyes glinted wickedly as he walked around us, doubtless taking in both the emotional clime and our natural perfume.

Jasper completed his circuit and stuck out his hand to Edward, who took it. Jazz looked admiringly at his brother.

"Jasper, come on, this is nothing new," I pleaded. I wished somebody would stop focusing on my sex life.

"Is she for real?" Jasper gawped.

"You bet." Edward answered. "Told you. Danger magnet."

"What a corker! Bella, this may not be out of the, erm, realm of normal for you, but in case you hadn't noticed, if any other vampire on the planet touched you the way my brother does, you wouldn't survive it."

"Jazz, no offence, but sometimes you look at us like we just invented a new species," I complained.

Jasper chuckled, "Well, you're probably right, little sister. Sometimes it feels like you have turned Edward back into something that is not quite a vampire and not quite a human. So maybe you _have_ created a new species. Something a little more evolved than the other two kinds of creature."

Edward ducked his head, embarrassed. I tried to see if he turned at all silver. I couldn't tell.

"I've always thought of all of the Cullens as evolved beings," I admitted.

"Well, some of us are more evolved than others, Bella, and some of us would kill to have Edward's self control. Edward makes acting human look like a snap."

Edward ran his fingers through his hair. "Gee, Jasper. Thank you for the compliment. Oh, and thanks for guarding the bedroom for me. I'd have hated to run up and find a mess again."

"Well, we couldn't have you scrapping with the guests, Tough Guy. You'd look uppity."

Jasper walked up to me, said something to Edward in his head, and kissed me quickly on the forehead. "Thanks for making my life more pleasant, Bella. If this keeps up, Edward is soon going to discover the joys of vampire napping." Jasper turned away and I counted to 'one' before Edward had him by the arm.

"Not so fast! What do you mean, 'vampire napping'?" Edward demanded. Jasper clapped him on the arm.

"You'll see," he grinned impishly.

I looked at Edward, and he looked at me, totally awestruck. Well, well.

The front door swung open and Alice danced in. Jasper stuck out his arm and she put it around her shoulder. Alice appeared ... annoyed. Her eyes zoned black, and focused in again.

"Trust you two to spruce off during your own wedding," Alice pouted.

"Oh, boy, that's rich. _You_ sent us upstairs, and you _knew_ where we were," Edward reminded her.

"I didn't know you were planning on staying up there _all night,_" she complained. "I didn't want to interrupt and end up in your infamous chipper-shredder, did I?!"

"We weren't planning on disappearing so long. Bella fell asleep, but only long enough for me to un-braid her hair. We're planning on going back out now, to make ourselves the focus of some vicious teasing."

"You look good, Bella. Your hair suits you, worn like that. It makes you look minxy." Alice started to turn away, but a shadow passed over her eyes again, and she turned back.

"Edward? _ Why _do I see it's possible that I will find something I won't like behind your bedroom door? What are you planning?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out. I haven't quite decided yet what I'm going to do to you as payback for sharing that picture with all our wedding guests."

"I couldn't resist. You guys made one dilly-of-a-picture. And Charlie! Now, how often does something like that happen? You ought to preserve the moment for posterity. The cat's out of the bag now. Why punish me when it can't be undone?"

"Alice, have you ever heard of something called a 'consequence'?" Edward enquired, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, the consequence of Rose making a phone call was an emergency trip to Italy. But this is not the same thing at all. Bella, are you happy with the wedding?" the pixie asked tentatively. Edward rolled his eyes and gave up. He wasn't winning that war today.

"Alice, it is truly the most amazing wedding I could possibly imagine. I may even overlook it that you drove us insane for the past couple of months to make it happen. It is stunning."

"Yay! Thank you Bella! I knew you would like it," Alice clapped.

"Seriously, thanks for all your hard work. This day couldn't have been better." I hugged her.

"You're both welcome. I love you, you know." Alice held her arms out, unsure, and Edward pulled her into a hug with a sigh.

"We love you, too, brat. How are the humans faring?" he wondered.

"Oh, they think it's the cat's meow. We killed some of the overhead lights to make it more romantic for them. Doesn't do anything for us, of course. You two should go and dance, and have a snog. They'll love it."

"Now there's something that I have no problem giving you your way on, sister. Alice? It's a good thing you're cute."

"That's what everybody tells me." Alice ducked out of his way as Edward reached down to ruffle her hair. She laughed like Tinkerbell, snatched Jasper's book and set it down, and dragged Jasper out the door.

Edward and I looked at each other. "Ready to go face the family, Minx?"

"Lead on, Beautiful. I want to dance with you again."

Edward tucked my hand under his arm and led me out into the inky night. It was quite cool and I was glad of the sweater. I felt so much better, wearing my new Chucks. No more dress shoes for me for awhile.

We entered the pool of golden light seeping out of the entrance to the tent, and discovered practically everyone was dancing. Edward swept me into his arms and we joined the crowd. We went unnoticed for a couple of minutes, and then somehow, Eric was announcing our presence, and asking if we had a good time, and telling everyone to back off so they could get a look at our going away outfits.

"Alice!" we lamented together in resignation.

Once again, we were alone on the dance floor, and because the song was 'Sexual Healing', I blushed with enough heat to light up the whole yard. Edward was maddeningly smug. He was also shaking with silent mirth. He kissed me on the top of my head, and pretended he was Patrick Swayze. I whispered in his ear, "You are enjoying this, you brat."

_...Helps to relieve my mind  
Sexual healing baby, is good for me  
__Sexual healing is something that's good for me_

Whenever blue teardrops are fallin'  
_And my emotional stability is leaving me  
There is something I can do  
I can get on the telephone and call you up baby_

"Forgive me?" he chuckled into my ear, nuzzling it. "I just can't help myself, Minx. You have no idea how much I've had to put up with from my family for the past, oh, 65 years. They're all blown away."

"I think you should get a prize, Mr Cullen."

_And honey I know you'll be there to relieve me  
The love you give to me will free me  
If you don't know the thing you're dealing  
Oh I can tell you, darling, that it's sexual healing_

Get up, get up, get up, get up  
Let's make love tonight  
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up  
'Cos you do it right

"I already got first prize. But what did you have in mind?" He tucked our joined hands between our chests.

I pulled down his head and he kissed me, still giggling. Now what was not to love about that? The cameras clicked madly. I slid my free hand down and squeezed his butt. He caught his breath.

"You'd better watch what you do in front of the children, Bella. You'll have the Denalis starting an orgy."

_I want sexual healing  
Sexual healing is good for me  
Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush  
Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us_

Sexual healing, baby, it's good for me  
Sexual healing is something that's good for me  
Well, it's good for me and it's so good to me my baby, oh  


_Come take control, just grab a hold  
Of my body and mind, soon we'll be making it, honey  
I'll be feeling fine, the way you heal me  
The way you thrill me, keep me comin' to you  
For you to sexually fulfil me _

"Your father wouldn't let them have an orgy, thank God. So kiss me, oh apex predator." Edward obliged me with enthusiasm. We got lost in the music. Suddenly, he stumbled and almost fell into me. Edward stumbled? I gaped. Edward turned around, incredulous. Carlisle waggled his eyebrows at Edward, put his hand around Esme's hip, and continued his walk across the dance floor.

_You're my medicine, open up and let me in  
Darling, you're so great, I can't wait for you to operate  
I can't wait for you to operate, baby  
__I can't wait for you to operate_

"What just happened?" I demanded.

"I swear there's body snatching going on! That's the _second _time that Carlisle has totally stepped out of character today."

"What _happened_?" I asked again, frustrated.

"He just smacked me on the ass."

_And baby, when I should be asleep at night  
I stay up and read  
And baby, baby, baby, I can't help but feel uptight  
For my passion needs_

And when I get this feeling  
I want sexual healing  
When I get this feeling  
I want sexual healing

Baby, I can't stand it much longer  
It's getting stronger and stronger

I looked past Edward's arm at Carlisle. He and Esme were both giving us 'thumbs up'. I guess it was a good night to spend being red. I waved my fingers at them and put my head back on Edward's chest.

_And when I get this feeling  
I need sexual healing  
Oh, when I get this feeling  
I need sexual healing_

I gotta have sexual healing, darling  
'Cos I'm all alone  
And I need sexual healing, darling  
Till you come back home

Please don't procrastinate  
It's not good to masturbate

A deep voice cleared its throat in my ear. Edward and I opened our eyes and found Emmett between us. "Would you care to explain what happened to your bathroom, Mocha-chino? First Carlisle pulls a used red condom out of your regurgitating toilet, and now the faucet and tap are destroyed." The immortals in the vicinity turned to give their undivided attention to Edward's answer.

Edward was not exactly pleased. "The condom is not mine, Emmett. Talk to Renee. As to the rest, I slipped, _Emmy-Bear_," he said archly, "and broke the tap." Every vampire present doubled over, cracking up. The humans looked nonplussed.

Wait. Mocha-chino. _Nobody_ _knew_ I called him that.

_Ow_! I latched onto Emmett's arm, furious. "_You were listening_." I snarled under my breath, lunging at my brother-in-law's face. He recoiled.

"Uh, only to the uh, screaming parts. You, uh, weren't exactly quiet. No secrets in the family, Bella. Uh ... sorry?" My angry colour faded into a mortified one. All red, all the time: Bella Cullen.

"I forgot you could all hear," I moaned. Edward was doing his level best not to laugh.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I wasn't about to remind you. Am I in trouble?" Edward gave me puppy-dog eyes.

I waited a couple of beats, thinking about it. "Heaps," I decided. For some reason, Edward found this enormously funny.

"You can punish me later," he promised.

"I'll hold you to that, Mocha-chino. You are a very, very naughty vampire."

"Whoa. I'm sticking to my guns. Bella is going to be some scary newborn, Tough Guy. Congratulations." Emmett shook his head. Rose appeared at his side, looking very entertained. She looked from side to side, checking for eavesdroppers. Naturally, they were everywhere.

Rose leaned forward and mouthed in my ear, "I told you he'd like it better without the thong, Bella." The assembled vampire relatives clapped. The humans looked totally confused.

"My new relations are not exactly convincing the humans with their acting. They are _clapping _when we humans can't hear anything," I warned.

"It's okay. They keep thinking that we've done something funny that they missed. They aren't suspicious." Edward leaned over and kissed Rose on the cheek. "Thank you," he said.

Rosalie's bright eyes flicked from me to Edward and back again. "You're welcome. And Bella? You looked totally stunning today. And I love your hair tonight. I'll enjoy doing your hair when you live with us. But I swear you and Edward are going to be harder to live with than _we _were when we got married. You need to get busy." She grabbed Emmett away to dance.

Edward put his hand on the back of my neck, and his forehead against mine. "We'll be gone soon, dearest," he murmured in my ear. "Don't let them fluster you." Edward bent to give me soft kisses. I forgot to be cross. I forgot to be embarrassed. Hey, I forgot my name. Again.

Edward danced me around, and I kissed him fiercely until he responded in kind. The passion deepened and our personal bubble built. I couldn't have told you what music was playing, or who else was dancing. I couldn't have told you who was having a laugh at our expense. At least I knew they were laughing with us, and not at us. Edward, himself, had the occasional outbreak of the giggles and sometimes he reminded me to breathe. After awhile, I giggled with him. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em._  
_

We danced, eyes shut, and basked in the love. We never had to be parted again, I thought victoriously. How wonderful. I was going to be with this glorious creature forever. Of course, our guests had other ideas. Temporary ones.

"Edward and Bella, can we have a picture with you before the night is done? We're going home tonight," Tanya asked.

"Sure, cousin. You're heading out soon?" Edward asked.

"Yes. We want to get home before morning." Tanya smiled. "It's been lovely visiting, but we really miss being at home."

Edward leaned in to whisper quietly, "What about Eric?" Tanya's face fell a little. "We're going to keep in touch," she said. "and see if it works out."

"Oh." Edward said.

"Edward?" He smiled gently as Tanya asked a silent question.

"You'll just know," he shrugged.

"You have a common failing, cousin," claimed Eleazar.

"What's that, Eleazar?" Edward demanded. Then, he laughed as he heard the reply in his mind. Eleazar smiled at me. I frowned at Edward.

"Oh, Minx. He's just said that I want to see my single friends married off, since I'm so happy myself. You're probably right, Eleazar. Guilty." Edward beckoned his cousins to stand with us, and Tanya got Alice to take several pictures on both of their cameras. The Denalis thanked us and moved along.

"Edward?"

We turned our attention to Mr. Weber, standing with the twins and his wife. "Oh, hello. Are you guys leaving?"

"It's past the boys' bedtime, and they have soccer practise in the morning. So we're heading out, yes."

"Well, thanks for marrying us. And thank _you _for coming." Edward shook all the Webers' hands.

"It's been my pleasure, getting to know you both. I wasn't sure how you were going to fare, when I first met you. You were both so close-mouthed. And then, you got intense. It wasn't until later that I found out you were able to laugh together. And wow, you two play as hard as you work."

"We have to play hard, or we'd implode. And as to the rest, do you remember the subject matter you raised our first day?"

"It generally catches people off-guard. Helps me measure the degree of commitment."

"Well, you threw me for a loop, and Bella's so shy it's a wonder I got her back to you at all."

"Sorry, my dear girl. And you wrote me essays! I've never had a couple write essays before. I can't seem to get over it."

"We're nothing if not thorough."

"I'll say. Well, we should be off. Don't be strangers. I know Angela will be anxious to hear about your trip."

"Yeah, we'll be in touch," I said, hoping I could keep the promise at least briefly.

The Webers left, exchanging a word with Ang and Ben on their way. Edward pulled me back into his arms, and we resumed the snuggle where we left off. We swayed slowly as Rosemary Clooney crooned, breathing in and out together, pressed together as closely as possible. How could I ever have resisted dancing with this man? It was life, breathing with him.

_The evening breeze caressed the trees tenderly  
The trembling trees embraced the breeze tenderly  
Then you and I came wandering by  
And lost in a sigh were we_

_  
The shore was kissed by sea and mist tenderly  
I can't forget how two hearts met breathlessly  
Your arms opened wide and closed me inside  
You took my lips, you took my love so tenderly _

Edward stiffened, and his head came up, suddenly, as though someone had called his name. He looked momentarily distressed. Then his expression smoothed over. He was covering about something that worried him. I regarded him warily.

"What is it?" I demanded.

Edward placed his hands on my shoulders, gazed into my eyes and spoke to me carefully.

"Bella, it's Jacob. He's here."

My knees gave way.

**Review before the reception ends, and the Bride and Groom leave for their honeymoon. They're hoping to greet you.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Loyalties  
**

**Read this important a/n.**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. This chapter chiefly uses material from BD, pages 58 to 68, and also refers to other moments from the series.**

**I have changed the title to one suggested by bananacupcake09, my surrogate vamp kid. Thanks, Vamp Daughter.  
**

******If you ever doubted that I am Team Edward, you will know it now. Please, no flames. This is where I mess with canon. Just enough to make myself happy.**

******My husband, Anthony, Beta'd me on this chapter. He is Team Movie Jacob. And he really gets frustrated when he doesn't understand why Stephenie writes certain things, or how Book Jacob is different from Movie Jacob. Anthony has been invaluable on this chapter, telling me how hard Bella should be, and how Jake would feel, and how Edward and Charlie and Billy would feel.**

******And just so you know, I saw "New Moon" yesterday, and Taylor made me crush on Jacob the Movie Werewolf. What's not to love about Taylor Lautner? He's adorable. However, my canon is based mostly on Book Jacob, who is more selfish and less reliable than Taylor's version. **

******With apologies to Stephenie, I never believed that Bella would share details of her honeymoon plans with her Best Boyfriend, no matter how much she was provoked. She knew he was in love with her, for heaven's sake. She wouldn't have rubbed it in. And I never thought Edward would fail to acknowledge Bella's distress in order to maintain a charade. Nor would her injury at Jake's hands be easy to handle emotionally. Plus, I wanted Bella to be caught out, lying to Charlie. So I've reworked those ideas, outside of Stephenie's canon. **

******Hope you can stand it. Jacob will redeem himself in the future and he will earn praise. Promise. Read 'Little Angel', and you'll see that everyone reconciles and Jake ends up happy.**

******Review.**

**Bella's pov:**

_Edward stiffened, and his head came up, suddenly, as though someone had called his name. He looked momentarily distressed. Then his expression smoothed over. He was covering about something that worried him. I regarded him warily._

"_What is it?" I demanded._

_Edward placed his hands on my shoulders, gazed into my eyes and spoke to me carefully._

"_Bella, it's Jacob. He's here"_

_My knees gave way. (Chap 7, TW)_

I rallied as Edward held me up, his hands momentarily hard upon my arms. He swept me up and rushed me out of the tent. The cool air outside helped me dramatically. I heaved it into my lungs gratefully.

"Bella! Bella! Are you okay?" Edward demanded frantically. I tried to compose myself, to allay his fear.

"I'll be fine, Beautiful. Just give me a minute. It's such a shock. What are his intentions? Did he come to make trouble?"

"No, sweetheart. He came to wish you well. He wants to say goodbye."

"Where is he?" My eyes scanned the black perimeter of the forest, searching. Edward took my hand, and walked me toward the cedars. A form separated itself from the darkness. Leah.

"We're here. Just in case."

"Thank you, Leah. Thank Sam for me." We passed Leah. About ten yards out, Edward stopped. A silhouette appeared. Jacob.

Jacob: smiling and in one piece, wearing the same shirt and tie he'd worn to crash my prom. He filled out the shirt now, obviously. And the pants had to be different, since he was so much taller now than he was a year and a bit ago.

A lump came into my throat. I covered my nose and mouth with my hands. My eyes squeezed shut and welled up with tears. Edward patted me consolingly. I leaned into his side.

"Jacob." My friend. My erstwhile confidante.

"Hiya, Bells."

"Are you okay?" I examined Jake's appearance carefully. He seemed none the worse for wear. His hair was down to his shoulders.

"Sure, sure," he shrugged nonchalantly. It irritated me.

"Rosalie won't forgive me if I don't dance with her," Edward murmured, trying to be chivalrous and bow out.

"No!" I commanded him, snatching his arm. Edward looked very surprised. "You are my husband. Stay."

Edward appraised me, and shot a glance at Jacob. I turned, arms crossed, and looked at my so-called best friend.

Jacob's eyes were smouldering angrily. He wanted to be alone with me. "He doesn't need to babysit you. I wouldn't hurt you, Bella."

"Edward has a right to hear what I have to say. If you can't say what you need to in front of him, you oughtn't to be saying it at all." Edward rested one hand lightly on my arm, warning me to be calm. I drew a deep breath to steady my nerves.

"Edward said you came to make peace," I said.

"Yes. I want you to be happy, Bells."

I lost my ability to play act. Bygones _weren't_ bygones, I realized. I couldn't gloss everything over. I might never get another chance to clear the air.

"I'm glad you're okay, but if you wanted me to be happy, why did you run away, Jacob? We all worried about you for weeks. Your father? Sue? Charlie? They were really worried. So was I. Even if you _are _pretty much indestructible, you knew everyone would be upset. Why did you let us all stew?" I demanded, getting less happy and more cross by the second.

"I needed the space, Bells, to work things out in my head. To let you go. To let you be happy." Jacob's words echoed Edward's after our painful, but temporary, break up. He knew what effect his words would have. Edward grimaced and looked at the ground, his eyes troubled. That upset me even more than I already was. The last thing I wanted was to have it thrown in his face again, especially today.

"Jacob, running away solves nothing." I said coolly.

"You took _him_ back, after everything he did to you. You accepted that he left you for your benefit," Jake argued with increasing heat. Could it be that he was still passionate about me? Could it be that he hadn't let me go, no matter what his words were? I had better be clear about my decisions.

"Well, Jacob, I am sorry to say that you have just summed up the difference between you and Edward. When he left, he was misguidedly attempting to protect me. He denied his needs and thought of mine. When you left, you did it to lick your wounds.

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you again. You matter to me. I love you, as a _friend_. But I'm _in love _with _Edward_, Jake. I've been in love with Edward since the first moment I saw him. I've never felt the same way about you. I'm really sorry, but that's the truth." Edward pulled me a little closer to his side, and he released the breath he had been holding.

"I used you as a crutch. It was cruel and selfish. All I wanted was your friendship I should never have led you on, but I was so broken that I used you like a bandage. Had I given myself to you, I would have been _settling _for you, and nobody should _ever_ do that to anyone."

"I would have been happy with that, Bella. I would have been satisfied to get any attention from you. To spend my life making you happy." Jake's voice trembled a little. I felt like such a bitch.

"The fact that you would have settled for a 'less than best' relationship is a compliment, but it also shows that you don't truly understand. When Edward left me, it was like he died. Like I died. My whole being, my whole body and soul, cried out for him. If you had respected me, then when I took him back, you should have bowed out. And you should have listened when I told you my needs, instead of trying to tell me what to think and feel."

"You make me sound like a jerk. I wanted you. When you responded to me, I got desperate to make you love me, to choose me." Jake's eyes flickered to Edward and back to mine. He lowered his eyes sadly. "I came here to let you go, to be mature."

"Jake, don't you see? I _never _could have been happy with you. Despite how good, and kind, and loyal you are, it would not have been _enough._ You shared my interests, but not my values or hopes. You were never my soul mate. That would have made you sad over time. I'm really, really sorry Jake, but it was just not meant to be.

"You're young, Jake, only 17. You will find someone who will adore you, like you should be adored, when it's time. Until then, stay home with your family, and share your feelings with them. Billy is a good person. So is Sam. They can help you. Don't isolate yourself. I want you to be happy."

"I'll try to be happy, Bella. I can't make any promises. Can we still be friends?" His eyes were welling. God, I felt so awful.

"I'd like to be. It depends on whether you can accept Edward and me as mates, I guess. Edward has a soul, no matter what you think, and your prejudices are very hurtful. Especially the name-calling. If you want to be friends with me, then Edward is part of the package."

Jacob shot a look at Edward. I couldn't quite tell what it meant, but Edward was not looking any more cheerful.

"I don't want to argue with you, Bella. I want to be friends, but I don't know if I can. Your mate and I were physically designed to hate each other to the point of murder."

"That's untrue, Jacob. I've told you before, I feel no animosity toward you. I admire your virtues and I'd like to be friends. I know you worry about Bella's welfare as much as I do," Edward put in.

"Sure, You're going to stop her heart and make her bloodthirsty. That really sounds like you're looking out for her needs."

I answered before Edward could. "But that's exactly what I need you to recognize, Jake. I _need_ to be with Edward. Nothing else matters. Nothing."

Edward added his reply, "Jacob, please try to understand. I love Bella. Bella is my _mate_. I want her with me forever. If you had a soul mate, you would want to spend forever with her, too."

"Bella _is_ my soul mate. I want her with me. We would have been happy, if she'd never met you," Jake spit.

I interjected again. "But I _did _meet Edward, Jake. I did. I met him on the _same day _I met you. _He _is my soul mate. And I want to spend forever with him."

Jacob's face crumpled and the brimming tears fell. "I guess that's it then. I'm left with nobody. Like either of you so-called _friends_ are ever gonna help me with _that!" _he wallowed_. _Then, he turned to snarl at Edward again. "You had better not let anything happen to my girl, or I will hunt you down and destroy you."

"I'll take care of her, Jacob. You don't know me, but I'd never hurt her. I would fight off any beast in this world that tried to harm her." Edward said succinctly. There was a threat buried in it, I thought.

Jacob nodded and gulped. "Can I at least have a goodbye hug, Bella?

"Of course, Jacob. I wish you happiness. I know you'll find it." I crossed the couple of yards that separated Jake from Edward and me. The breeze gusted behind me, blowing my scent toward him.

Jacob's eyes flashed fire, and in a millisecond, his hands held my upper arms in a fierce grip. Jekyll was now Hyde. Oh, no. My scent. Edward's scent. And something else, emanating from Jacob. Alcohol.

"What have you done! I can _smell_ that you've _been_ with him. Are you insane?!." Jacob punctuated his words by shaking me. For the first time, I was afraid of him.

"Edward! He's been drinking!" I cried.

"I only had three beers. I'm not drunk, Bella. But I wonder if you are!" Jake snarled.

"Jacob! Stop! You're hurting her. Let go." Edward ordered.

"You are an abomination. And you _dared _to touch her! To _claim_ her! But worse than that, _worse_ than making her one of you, you are going to _break her to pieces_ while she's still human and she is going to die." Jacob was shouting now. He started to shake.

"You are going to break her and kill her yourself if you don't calm down. Think of Emily!" Edward said forcefully.

"Jacob, Edward loves me. He won't hurt me," I said, trying to convince him.

"You're stupid, Bella. Why did you choose him over me? He's going to _kill_ you! Why? _Why_ couldn't you love_ me_ instead of _him_?

Edward held his hands out, trying to placate Jacob. "I would never hurt Bella. Never. I've touched her many times. Look at her! She's not injured. But if you manhandle her like that, _you_ will hurt her, Jacob. Calm down. Let her go! I don't want to fight you."

"Hah! You're _nothing_ but a liar. You said you'd change her and keep her forever. But no Cold One has ever fucked a human and had the human walk away to talk about the experience. And that's what you're planning on doing, isn't it? You're going to use her and throw her away like garbage. You're going to take my sweet girl and violate her and leave her dead. And you'll move on, and she will be _dead_. You fucking bastard!" Jacob's powerful hands got tighter and tighter, until he made me cry out.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to hurt you. You're coming with me now. This is suicide. What he's promising, it's never been done."

"I have done a lot of things that no others of my kind can do, Jacob. I won't fail."

"You're a liar, Cold One. And when you fail, your entire coven will die."

I whimpered in pain and Edward eyed me desperately. "Jacob! Let Bella go right now. You're going to break her arms. Explain that to your pack." Edward gently put his hands over Jacob's, attempting to loosen his fingers from their terrible grip.

I found myself on the ground with the air knocked out of my lungs. "Don't you touch me!" Jacob spit. "I am going to kill you, you lying bastard!" Jacob roared and phased, and circled back, growling. I hurtled into Edward's arms, sobbing. My innards had totally liquified. I stood with my back to Edward's abdomen, arms thrown out to defend him. He cradled me against him, terrified for me. There was no time to run.

Seth, Sam and Leah appeared and formed a loose, human circle around us. The russet wolf bellowed with rage and bared his teeth. He circled, looking for a weakness. There was a rush of wind, and Edward's siblings joined the circle.

Edward shouted, "Sam, get him under control. He'll break the treaty. I don't want to hurt him. He's only a kid." Jacob bellowed, insulted. As he lunged, the pack phased.

"No!" Edward screamed, pushing me to the ground and covering me with his body. Jacob sailed over us, and our circle of protectors caught him and wrestled him back. The vampires let go, as Jacob was obviously not averse to using his teeth on them, and let the pack take control. The wolves fought like demons, fur flying. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice crouched in front of us, hissing.

Sam, Seth and Leah endangered themselves by coming between Jacob's teeth and our bodies. They pushed the enraged wolf back, again and again, forcing him back while I cringed under Edward's sheltering form.

"JACOB!" A new voice bellowed at the wolf. This time, Jacob listened. He froze, then submitted to his pack mates.

Billy Black was cradled in Carlisle's arms, glaring at his son. Carlisle looked stunned. Sue stood beside them, her fist in front of her mouth, weeping.

"Jacob Black! How could you? You could have killed Bella. _ Bella_, Jacob! You get home right now. Sam, watch him. Set the pack on guard until we decide what to do. I have to talk to the Cullens. Make a decision." Billy looked old.

Edward lifted me into his arms, and walked back toward the house with Carlisle, Billy, and Sue. Seth caught up and loped alongside us, whining.

Edward moaned. "It's my fault. I should have listened to you, Bella. I shouldn't have sent Jacob the invitation. I thought he could handle it. I thought he should have the opportunity to offer you his blessing. I ..."

"Edward, it isn't your fault. You've been nothing but patient with him. Jacob lost his temper. Jacob decided not to let Bella follow through on her decision. You are not responsible for that," Billy said brokenly.

"You told me he was volatile. You always told me young werewolves were unstable," I reminded Edward.

"Bella, look at Seth. He's one of the youngest, and he's stable. I told you ages ago, I was prejudiced. I hope I know better now. Had I not trusted Jacob, I would never have given him the invitation. We provoked him. We didn't mean to, but that's how he saw it. It was too much for him, seeing and smelling us like this. I don't really blame him. He has no idea how to handle his distress."

"He's a danger now. We will abide by your wishes, in obedience to the treaty." Billy gulped. Carlisle sighed and shook his head.

"What!? _NO_! I refuse to condone it. Absolutely not, Billy. It is not going to happen. He's not a bad boy." Edward snarled vehemently.

What ... was Billy thinking? No. "The pack thinks Jacob should be taken out? No. They can't," I wailed.

Edward shushed me and kissed my tears away. "Billy, that is _not _our wish. Seth, you _must _tell Sam immediately." Seth nodded. Message sent.

Sue opened the front door to the empty house and Carlisle carried Billy in. Edward followed carrying me, and Seth brought up the rear. Sue exited the house. Seth ran upstairs. Amazing. He could climb them in wolf form, I noted passively.

"Jacob would have backed off a long time ago, had there been consequences for his actions, but softhearted people have excused him from paying for poor behaviour. That includes me. So now, there must be a consequence. He must pay." Billy sighed. Carlisle set Billy down on one of the couches and said he was going to get me some painkillers.

"Discipline, Billy, not punishment," Edward stated. He set me on the other couch, and started pulling off my sweater. I shuddered.

"Fine. Discipline. And some way to make reparation."

"You have Healing Circles?" Edward looked at the angry red marks on my arms. He sat beside me and put his cold hands around them. It was soothing.

"Yes."

The door flew open and my father barged in like a steamroller. Sue trailed in behind him. "What the Hell happened?" he demanded. Seth came running downstairs, wearing a pair of Edward's sweat pants, his face streaked with tears. Edward's siblings and Esme came through the front door after Sue.

"Sue said Bella's hurt. Did Edward do it? I'm going to kill you if you hurt her!"

Edward pinched his nose. "Oh, God. Not two of her men in one night," he moaned.

"Jacob showed up and tried to start a fight with Edward. Jake ... he ... _hurt_ Bella," Billy said sadly.

Charlie spun around, gaping at us. I wondered how I looked, tear-stained and leaning into Edward, with him pressing his cold fingers against my arms. Carlisle re-entered the room with some pills and a glass of water, and gave an apologetic look to Charlie. Edward removed his hands so I could take the water and pills. Charlie gasped.

"Jacob did that? _Jacob_? I'm going to haul him in for assault. I can't believe it. _Jacob_." Charlie shook his head and paced back and forth, staring at me.

"Dad, I don't want him arrested. It would ruin his life. He's not a bad kid, he's just a hot-head who needs to learn coping skills. It's not as bad as it looks, seriously." At least physically. A big tear leaked out of each of my eyes. Edward moved me onto his lap and tut-tutted and rocked me, kissing the tears away.

Billy addressed me. "Bella, you're too kind. I haven't been the kind of father I should have been. Ever since my wife was killed in the car crash, Jake and I have been trying to fill the void. Jake thinks you're like his mother. He told me so."

Edward resumed his conversation with Billy. "I want him in a Healing Circle. Starting tomorrow. I want him counselled, and I want some reality jammed down his stubborn throat. We're going to write and tell him we're sorry for his suffering, and that we won't hold a grudge, but his antagonistic and abusive behaviour must stop. You will read it in front of the ... _group_ of his friends and family, in the morning, after you tell him how close he came to starting something regrettable. I want him to write a letter of apology to Bella and me by the time we get back to Forks."

"That's generous, Edward. Is there anything else you want?" Billy asked, hanging his head.

"Hah! You shouldn't phrase it like that. At the moment, I want to break his face. But that would only make matters worse. I want peace with your people. Just try and get him to realize that Bella only loves him as a friend, and if he continues to try and interfere with our relationship, she won't love him for it. Billy, I have tried to get along with him for Bella's sake, but he just won't stop being hateful. We want him to move on and be happy."

"Edward, Bella, are you sure? Those marks, well they're ... terrible," Charlie said.

"Charlie, Jacob has protected Bella for me more than once. I owed him. But, Billy? The debt is paid. If he ever hurts her again I will personally put an end to him. Regardless of consequence. Understand?"

"Edward, canthe threats," Charlie advised.

"It's not a threat, Dad, it's a promise. If Jacob does not control his ... urges from now on, he will have me to deal with." I shuddered and drew in a deep breath.

"Edward." Carlisle remonstrated quietly.

Edward ignored him, and turned my face up in his hand. "Bella? Talk."

"It- it, it's just that, it was ... so ... unexpected. It wasn't like James. It wasn't like anything I've ever experienced. Because I trusted him. I _trusted_ him. He hurt me. It hurts. It really hurts." I sobbed and turned my head into Edward's neck. He rocked me a little faster and patted me consolingly.

"Back up. Who's James?" Charlie demanded.

"A guy Bella met in Phoenix. He didn't show Bella proper respect. I dealt with him. He won't be back." Edward continued to pat me as I snivelled.

"How come I never heard about him?" Charlie seethed.

"I didn't want you to worry. And he won't be back, Dad. I haven't had any trouble from him in over a year."

"Wait. Phoenix. A year ago? When Bella was injured?" The Cullens breathed a collective sigh. Wow. I had really let the cat out of the bag. Edward sucked in air, doubtless cursing under his breath.

"Charlie. It was James. He pushed Bella down the stairs." Edward lied.

"My God! You kept this from me? From Renee? How _could_ you! Where is the son of a bitch?" Charlie paced and ranted.

"He's dead, Charlie." Carlisle said curtly.

"How?" Charlie snarled.

"We set a private detective on him. He found out that James killed another girl. There was a shoot-out with the cops, and he was killed. Jasper can show you our copy of the report. Tomorrow." Carlisle frowned at the floor.

Charlie fell into a chair, reeling. Nobody could look him in the eye. "And you didn't think I should know?"

"As Bella's physician, I was bound to keep her confidences, and she made Edward and Alice swear to honour her wishes."

"Bella. You didn't trust me." Charlie's voice cracked.

Shit! "I trusted you, Dad, but the P.I. found dirt on James and within a very short time he was dead. I was coping. Yes, I was frightened, but James couldn't ever threaten me or hurt me again. I knew how worried you and Mom would be about me. I didn't think I could take it. I needed to live like everything was normal. You know how Mom gets. And Edward was already acting as worried as six people. You ever wonder why he was so overbearingly protective? That's why. James."

"I wish you had told me, Bells. There are so many things you've kept secret."

"It's how I cope, Charlie. I pulled out my brave hat, and didn't let such things stop me from living. I won't say the whole situation didn't contribute to Edward leaving me, and to my resulting breakdown, but we hashed it out when we got back together. Lots of counselling, for both of us. I'm over it. The nightmares are gone. But I'm sorry I kept you in the dark. It was wrong. Please forgive me. I love you so much. But I'm fine. Seriously. It's not like it was a bloodbath or anything."

Emmett coughed into his hand "hhh-bullshit!"

Carlisle shushed Emmett. "I think we could all use a drink. Drinks, anyone? Esme? Can you get us all a drink, sweetheart?"

Charlie shook his head. "This is a nightmare, Bella. I feel like I don't even know you."

Esme handed Charlie and Billy a glass of Johnny Walker Blue Label. She returned with more, to serve everyone.

"None for you, Bella. Not while you're on that medicine," Carlisle warned.

I pulled myself together. "You know me, Dad. You know what I value. I don't like being a burden, and I don't like being treated like a basket case. Everything in my life is good now, I swear. No point crying over spilt milk."

"Edward, this really clears up the picture for me. I used to wonder about Bella's nightmares. I wondered if you had hurt her before you left. I got the right reason for the nightmares, and the wrong guy. You've obviously been wonderful with Bella."

"Thanks Charlie. That's better than I deserve. I'm sorry I kept everything from you."

"Come on, Beautiful. You and Charlie can't help it if I'm sneaky."

"I didn't exactly encourage your confidences, but that's already water under the bridge. You spank her for me, if she ever keeps secrets again." Charlie joked. At least, I think he was joking.

"Well, I was planning on doing that anyway," Edward replied.

"Too much information. May I have another one of these, Esme?" Charlie passed back his glass. The other humans in the room were quick to copy him. "I can't afford this good stuff on my salary."

"I'll give you a bottle to take home, Charlie. Jasper? Will you drive Charlie and Sue home tonight, since you don't drink?" Esme asked.

Jasper bowed slightly. "I'd be pleased, whatever time you want, Charlie, Sue. I don't sleep much. It would be no problem."

Seth started to sob. "You've been through so much, and now Jacob spoiled your wedding," he cried. I put out my free arm and beckoned him closer. I had to be strong.

"No, no, honey. Don't worry. He couldn't spoil this day. This has been the best day of my life," I patted Seth's back reassuringly as he hugged me and Edward. Edward stroked Seth's hair.

"Well, I'd like to tear a strip off that dog," Rosalie growled.

"He's _not _a _fuckin'_ dog!" Billy grumbled under his breath. Everyone pretended not to hear.

Emmett drew in a big breath to cough again. Esme yelled, "Emmett!" and drew her hand across her neck in a cutting motion.

"That won't help anything. You'd only feel guilty afterwards. He can't unravel his feelings, Rose. He's overwhelmed and he needs help." Edward reminded her.

"Edward is right, Rosalie. This is the Christian way to handle it. No revenge, _understood _children? No grudges, either." Carlisle crossed his arms. Esme put her hand on him.

"We'll keep the _faith_, Carlisle, even if we don't like it," Emmett growled, staring at Billy.

"That's what I want, Em. I don't want any fighting. Don't let anyone get hurt just because an impulsive kid had a tantrum," I told him, sitting up.

"Okay, Bella, I promise." Em groaned with an eye roll.

"Jazz?"

"Yes, I promise, too." Jazz sighed, shaking his head.

I eyed Charlie. "Dad? This needs to stay private. Inside the family. I want Jake to have a decent shot at getting a hold on himself."

"Alright, Bells. But if he doesn't change his behaviour, I reserve the right to put a restraining order out on him."

"I don't think you'll have to do it, Dad. He's probably regretting his meltdown already. Like Edward said, he's a good kid, and he loves me, even if it's not in an acceptable way. Holding a grudge won't help him. What time is it?" I sighed.

Edward checked his watch. "It's a quarter to one. We have to leave in about 45 minutes if we want to make the plane."

"Then let's not waste any more of this day. Our guests will be wondering what's become of us. I want to dance with you, Beautiful."

Edward looked at Carlisle, who shrugged and nodded his approval.

"Okay my love. Dancing it is."

Edward helped me to slip my cardigan back on. My arms throbbed. Alice came over with a wash cloth and cleaned my face. It was lovely and cold.

Edward slipped his arm around me, and I walked almost steadily to the door. Jasper held it open for me, looking like he wanted to go and kill something furry, and followed us out. Emmett swung Billy into his arms, suggesting they go and find his wheelchair.

All the Cullens, and Billy, Sue, Seth and Charlie, made a little parade out to the tent. I watched my loved ones put on smiles like masks, and did my best to make mine genuine. Our guests were waiting.

**Review. And sign the Guest Book before the reception ends.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Trust**

**Nothing belongs to me. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. This work is a tribute to her enormous talent. Stephenie invents worlds we'd like to see. Material is paraphrased or quoted from BD, Chapter 4.  
**

**'Everything I Do, I Do it for You', by Bryan Adams, belongs to its respective owners. Lyrics from wwwdotlyrics007dotcom.**

**With special thanks and credit to my surrogate Vampire Daughter, bananacupcake, who pointed out some things I decided to clarify, and who helped to define the importance of Esme to Edward. I added sparkly bits to this chappie thanks to you, kid. Young people are so brilliant these days.**

**Speaking of which, you can find 2005 slang at, wwwdotalphadictionarydotcom/slang/2005.**

**This chapter is connected to a conversation Bella had with Alice on the morning of the wedding (Prenuptual Posturing, Chap 22).**

**Patience, readers, you will hear from Jake in the next chapter. He's been escorted back to LaPush.**

**Edward's pov:**

I felt sick.

I pulled Bella to the door, prepared to paste on a smile and return to the marquis. Jasper and Alice passed us. Jazz turned back to me, put his hand on my chest, and thought at speed. _Talk to Bella, Edward. Now._ I let my family file by us, including Charlie and the Clearwaters.

Carlisle and Esme were the last to pass Bella and me.

Bella reached out tentatively and touched Carlisle's sleeve. He drew in close to us.

"Carlisle? I'm so sorry. I almost blew the Secret. I talked about James. I don't know what came over me. Please, please forgive me," Bella said shakily. Carlisle put his hands under Bella's chin and tipped her head up so she would look in his eyes.

"No harm done, my child. We just needed to do a little fast thinking. All of us have slips. Even me. You're not to worry about it. I'm actually rather glad that Charlie knows part of your struggles. He's your father, and I can't imagine not knowing what was going on in my daughter's life. The Bible says all things happen for a reason. So don't fret. Have a little faith, and spend your energy being joyful today. You'll never fully comprehend how much you mean to us. You aren't in trouble." Carlisle kissed Bella on the forehead, and walked out the door to meet Esme.

Bella put her hand over her mouth and choked on a sob. Oh, boy. I carried her back to the couch.

"Hush! Hush, love. It will be fine, I promise. Jacob will be fine." I rocked her again, kissing down the side of her jaw.

Bella put her head up, and stared at me, open-mouthed. "It's not Jake I'm worried about, Edward. It's you." I was so surprised, I almost keeled over.

"Me?!" I asked.

"You. I know he upset you. I know you'll be doubting yourself now. And it's just unbearable, when everything's been going so beautifully. When I've seen you blossom, and laugh, and trust yourself. I don't want to go back to seeing you question everything you do, and whether you deserve what you've been given. I couldn't stand it, Edward."

"Bella ..."

"I couldn't stand it. And it would be my fault, for not putting Jake in his place hard enough, months ago."

"Bella, I-"

"Don't. _Don't_, Edward. You told me you don't like it when I excuse you when you're bad. Well, what I did was bad, and I need that acknowledged. By you. By my mate."

I looked at Bella. She was serious. I sighed. Bella was right, but opening my mouth to criticize my angel was next to impossible.

"It wasn't ... very nice," I admitted grudgingly.

"No."

"And it ... hurt me."

"I know. It was wrong of me to spend time with him. And now, he has turned out to be unstable."

I was about to defend Jacob Black. I must be a sappy date. "Bella, Jacob is _young_. Much less mature than you were at his age. I know how 17 year old bodies work, trust me. But I have over 80 years experience in this body, so I can usually control my impulses. Frankly, it is essential to everyone's welfare that I control myself. You've helped me be more spontaneous, but it's foreign to me.

"Jacob, on the other hand, is impulsive. And I never said anything to you, in case you were offended, but Jacob is ... somewhat emotionally damaged. He lost his mother when he was very young. Before puberty. Boys learn how to treat women from interacting with their mothers. I have always felt sorry for Jacob, because he didn't have that loving female influence when he needed it most.

"Soon after my mother was lost to me, I got Esme, who nurtured me in my mother's place. I still ... _miss_ ... my first mother. And I was Jacob's age when she died. I had her during my formative years. Jacob, well, he missed out on that. And on top of _that_, Billy broke his back in the car crash, and Jacob had to start doing things to take care of him. Like a parent. Jacob's sisters were old enough to avoid being home, where the loss of their mother was felt most keenly. So there was nobody to really nurture Jacob.

"Jacob has faults, like everyone, but he has strengths too. He's kind and well-meaning, as you said, and nurturing, and he was protective so I felt safe sending you to visit him. But he doesn't always have the social tools to achieve his ideals, Bella. He sometimes uses manipulation and force to get his way. That's one reason why I worried about your attachment to him."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. My loyalty to you should have made me stay away from him."

"Yes, but Bella, _I _didn't stop you from spending time with your friend. And I owed him big time for taking care of you when I failed to do so. So it's not all your fault. I didn't ... value ... myself enough to stop you. I was afraid you'd pick him over me, and my reason for living would be gone. My love of life would evaporate again. So I didn't stop you. And at times, like tonight, I failed to step in soon enough to prevent a tragedy."

"Whatever do you mean?"

Everything came pouring out. "Tonight, I saw Jacob losing it, and I was afraid to intervene. I didn't know what would happen if I touched him. I thought if I tried to remove you from his grasp, he might phase and seriously injure you. I thought he might attack me, and that you might get trapped in the middle. I thought you might get mad at him, or mad at me, or protective of me, or protective of him, and you'd be hurt.

"I couldn't know what I would provoke. So I let the argument go on too long, and then I let him hurt you. I couldn't get him to rein in his temper, but at least when I touched him he let you go. But he _might_ have released you faster if I had touched him earlier. Instead, I stood by, and let him hurt you.

"I _let _Jacob hurt you. Right in front of me." The pain of it burst out of me.

And suddenly, I was clinging to Bella, sobbing, and she was clinging to me, and she was crying too. Crying my tears for me. Allowing me to share my pain, and not forcing me to man up and keep it in. After a couple of minutes, Bella pushed up on my face, so I raised my eyes to hers.

"Darling, we have two problems. The first one, we've talked about before. You can't protect me from everything. Without pain, we'd take joy for granted. Now I love that you are strong enough to save me most of the time. But, Edward, you aren't perfect, and neither am I. I've said it before, but I want to remind you that you are _Edward_, not God. We make mistakes, and sometimes we fail. The second problem upsets me more.

"Edward. You didn't trust me to love you best. Even with everything we've been through. Even though I married you, you still don't. I have given you insufficient reason to trust that. Yet, you settled for any love I gave you because you love me so much. You are _never_ going to settle for anything again. Trust me: I chose you. You were my first, best, and only choice. I will always choose you. And you _will_ honour my choice by acknowledging that you are worthy of my adoration.

"One more thing: you must always share your feelings with me. There is to be no more covering up. Now, tell me who I am, and tell me who you are."

I gulped. "You ... are my beloved wife. And you adore me, whether I succeed or fail. And I ... I have earned your love. And ... I ... I ... deserve you." Bella wiped under my eyes, as though she were taking away tears. She nodded vigorously at me, lips trembling.

"Yes, my love. Yes. And you are my beloved husband. And you adore me whether I succeed or fail. And I have earned your love. And I ... I deserve it."

"Yes, Bella. Yes." I kissed Bella's tears away. I felt like my chest expanded. The constricting fear was gone. "Carlisle would say, 'Perfect love casts out fear.'"

"Then, I think we are on the road to perfection. Thank you, Mr. Cullen."

"Thank you, Mrs Cullen."

"Edward? Talking to me? That was brave. I admire that."

"Thank you." I rubbed my hands over my face and cleared my throat. "Now, I think we should quickly write that letter to Jacob, and get back out to our party."

"You write it, Edward. You know what to say, and you can write it fast. Then, you can read it to me, and I'll see whether there's anything to change or add, and I'll sign it."

I pulled a piece of paper from Esme's desk, and quickly wrote the letter. Bella read it, and asked to add two sentences. She said nothing I wrote needed changing, I had worded things just right. I put the letter in an envelope, and Bella addressed it to Jacob, and sealed it.

I opened the door for Bella, and found Jazz sitting on the porch steps, looking at the stars. He stretched and turned to regard us.

"Well done, young ones," he said softly. "Now, you are One. That's what marriage is about. Not the promises you make, the promises you keep. Catch on?"

I stared down, open-mouthed with awe. "This is why you and Alice are so close that you almost read each others' minds? Because you ..."

"Make ourselves vulnerable. Yes. Love is all about risk, brother. Risk, and trust. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And your very lives are in each others' hands. Take care of each other."

"Thank you, Jasper." I said.

Jasper stood up and clapped me on the arm, and then, he pulled Bella's face down and kissed her on the head. "You're the best thing that happened to this coven since Alice and I joined it," he said. "You make life here better for everyone. But I'll be glad when you're turned and I don't feel like I might kill you every five minutes. Turn her soon, Edward."

"Uh, ...thanks? Jazz," Bella said.

"S'alright sister. Now Edward, there's someone else here tonight who is suffering."

"Billy," I stated.

"Billy. Go and talk to Billy, Edward, and give him some hope."

I escorted Bella back to the marquis, which was emanating light and laughter. The young people were line dancing to some country song. All was cheerful, except for the corner where Billy sat with Seth. Seth had liberated one of my t-shirts from my room. I was surprised he could tolerate my scent. All the other wolves complained about us.

Billy was dejected. Bella and I pulled up chairs, and I offered Billy my hand. I didn't expect him to take it, but he did. He didn't even shudder. I put my other hand over it.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It's my fault. I guess I didn't raise him right."

"Aw, Billy, if it's anyone's fault it's mine and Bella's. We should have sorted this out a long time ago. Now just you listen. Seth, you are going to give a message to Sam from me. Jacob is not to be harmed in any way. Make sure he understands that _that _is the Cullens' edict. I want mercy for the young wolf. But Sam _should_ forbid him to run away, or this plan won't work.

"Jacob needs help to learn social skills and coping skills, and you're going to get him that help, and we are going to keep the pack accountable. Jacob is a good kid, Billy, and he's gone a little nuts, that's all. He made a mistake. Happens to all of us. Luckily, no serious damage has been done. So you make sure Sam knows all this, Seth. And Billy? No hard feelings." Seth ran off, presumably to phase and deliver his message.

Billy blinked his eyes repeatedly, trying to be tough. "I was afraid you'd show no mercy. I thought you'd take my boy away from me. I told you we'd honour the treaty by acceding to your wishes and enforcing your rights. I said it to protect the Quileutes and the Cullens from a bloodbath. But I didn't want to lose my son. He's my son. My only son." Billy's face crumpled, and he sniffled quietly.

"I know that, Billy. I know you love your son. Jacob is not incorrigible. He deserves a fresh start. A good life. Let's make sure he gets it, okay?" I patted Billy on the shoulder. Then, I drew the letter out of my pocket and put it on the table in front of Billy.

Billy drew a big breath in, and released it. "You're a good ... person, Edward Cullen. Bella was right. I don't understand. You don't fit any tale we've been taught. You act like you have a soul."

"I don't know for sure that I have one, but I like to think that I do. I like to think that what I _do _is more important than what I _am_."

"The Creator will value that. About the treaty, Edward. We know you plan to break it."

"Reluctantly, Billy. But yes, if I must."

"We will find a way to keep the truce, Edward, no matter what concessions we have to make. You have shown us mercy, so we will return the favour."

My head bowed as I realized the gift I was to be given. I would bite and turn Bella, and there would be no war. My voice was husky as I thanked Billy. Seth came back in the tent, eyes shining.

"Sam says 'okay', Edward. And Jake's behaving himself. Sam wants me to be at his place tonight so the pack can get together in the morning. I'm so tired I'll probably fall out on Emily's rug. Leah is picking me and Billy up in a little while, okay?"

"Fine, Seth. You were indispensable here today, you know. A big part of making this day happy for Bella and me."

"Hooyah. Thanks, Edward. It was a totally shiznit party. And my gifts? They must-a cost a grip. You really shouldn't have done it.

"Well, pretty soon you have to pick up a job so you have your own mail. The girls like guys with scrilla, you know, even though that's not what's really important."

"I'm not looking for a shorty yet, bro. Don't jump off the couch."

"Yeah, you take your time kid. But hone that talent now."

"Okay. Hey, you think we can have a brodown when you get back?"

"Sure, kid."

"Coolio. Oh, here comes Leah." Seth bounded up to Leah, and ran off, presumably to retrieve his gifts.

I looked around the table. Bella, Billy and Sue were looking at me like I had six heads.

"What? So I know the slang. Awful, isn't it?"

"I dunno, I've never heard you conversate with your bromance like that, Edward. It's just ... surreal," Bella said.

"Can we talk normally now?" I huffed.

Bella snickered. "Sure. How long 'til we have to leave?"

I checked my watch. "About 15 minutes."

"So where's my dance, Mocha-chino?"

"What would you like to dance to, Minx? I'll make a request. Last dance, probably."

"Surprise me."

I pondered a million choices as I walked over to Eric. I thanked him for doing a great job, and asked for more Bryan Adams. A better song, this time. Then, I went over to Bella and extended my hand. She got up and took it, and I swung her out to the middle of the floor.

"Is it wrong of me to be turned on because you displayed compassion, Mr. Cullen?"

"Nothing that turns you on to me could possibly be wrong, Mrs. Cullen."

_Look into my eyes - you will see  
What you mean to me  
__Search your heart - search your soul  
And when you find me there you'll search no more_

_Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for  
__You know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you_

_Look into your heart - you will find  
There's nothin' there to hide  
Take me as I am - take my life  
I would give it all - I would sacrifice_

_Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for  
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more _  
_Ya know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you_

_There's no love - like your love  
And no other - could give more love  
There's nowhere - unless you're there  
All the time - all the way_

_Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more  
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you  
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you_

_Ya know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you _

By a couple of lines into the song, Bella was kissing me again. Grr. And soon, we would be en route to our honeymoon. And everything was going to be good, I was certain of it. I fell into Bella's heartbeat. We pretty much stopped dancing and snogged. I explored Bella's mouth with my own. My hard on was back. I didn't care. Other guys dancing around us had the same problem, and they weren't worrying about it. Personally, I was going to suspend my worry for the next couple of days. Days with new boundaries. Days where carefully constructed barriers would be knocked down.

I was just considering whether one more dance would be feasible, when a certain irritating pixie got in my way.

"It's time," Alice declared. I ignored her. I kissed Bella harder, and enjoyed feeling her heart rate pick up. Bella's scent deepened. _I am the man_, I thought.

Alice stepped right up into my face. "Do you want to miss your plane?!" she asked angrily. "I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon, camped out in the airport waiting for another flight."

I turned my head slightly, growling a soft warning. "Go away, Alice." I resumed kissing my wife. Bella was as engrossed in the kiss as I was.

"So help me, Edward, I'll tell her where you're taking her."

I froze, and glared at Alice.

"Do you know you're awfully irritating for someone so short?"

"Come on. If you don't move it now, you will miss your plane. And then, your first time will be in a seedy motel room next to the airport."

I pinched my nose, then shrugged. "Fine! We'll say goodbye now," I barked.

Esme came over, holding hands with Renee, their menfolk tagging along behind. The mothers were soggy again. Bella was making promises to call, and trying not to get soggy too. Renee expressed an interest in knowing where I was taking her daughter, but I wouldn't spoil the surprise. Alice promised that she'd tell Renee where we were going, the minute we left. Bella looked a little miffed. Too bad, I chuckled to myself. For once, I would have my way.

We said goodbye to the 40-odd individuals who were left, and got kissed by Ang and all the siblings and parents . Except Charlie. He was hiding out in the living room with red eyes. I sent Bella in to say goodbye to him. I hoped we would see him again. A couple of minutes later, they came outside and Charlie hugged me and wished us a good trip. I thanked him again for giving me his daughter.

I kissed Bella on the porch steps. Then, the crowd surrounded us and hit us with birdseed as we made a dash for the car. I heard Bella spit some out. Emmett had pinged it off my back and hit her squarely in the face. I glared at him, and he guffawed. Bella needed protection from this lot.

I threw Bella, squealing, over my shoulder, realized too late that I was putting the goods on display, and deposited her in the flower-covered Guardian. God help Alice if the paint was damaged. The car was on loan. Oh, hell. Why was I worrying about this now? No reason to fret.

I walked around the back of the car to reach the driver's side, and nearly tripped over a pile of Manolo shoes, tied to the bumper. At least Alice provided pairs, I reasoned. Whoever saw the shoes abandoned in the airport parking lot would be able to steal them and put them to use. Oh, but they'd probably be ruined, being dragged along the road.

Why was I worrying about this crap?

Bella rolled down the window and waved to everyone standing on and around the porch. "I'll call," she promised the parents. "Love you! Bye everyone!" she waved happily.

There were answering waves and whistles and shouted goodbyes as I pulled out and down the drive.

"I suggest you try to have a rest, Mrs Cullen, because you might not be getting much sleep during the next 16 hours. Your blanket and pillow are in the back."

"What would I do without you, Mocha-chino?" Bella said, yawning and stretching languorously.

"I don't know, my love. Let's keep it that way."

"You're so thoughtful."

"Because I love you, Minx."

"That's why we're here, Beautiful."

**Wave goodbye to Bedward: Review. We're visiting Jake's head next. Then, stick around the Cullens' place to see how they, ahem, clean up after the party. Ooh, yeah. Grr.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: A Letter to Jacob**

**All belongs to Stephenie.**

August 13, 2005

Dear Jacob,

_We have hurt you, in so many ways, so many times._

Sorry. Truly.

_We provoked you, and you hurt us, but it was an accident._

Forgive us.

Forgive yourself.

_We know your heart is broken._

Forgive us.

_We know you're mad at yourself._

Forgive yourself.

_We know you didn't mean to hurt_.

Accept help.

_We are sorry it's hard now. It will get better._

Be patient.

_We know you are passionate._

Channel it.

_We know you are strong._

Act wisely.

_We know you are a nurturer._

Love those who love you.

_We have faith in your goodness._

Accept friendship.

_Choose light and life._

Smile.

_Love will come to you._

Let it.

_We will listen when you want to talk._

Take peace.

_We will be here when you're ready._

Bella and Edward.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Mercy**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie, except the quote from Shakespeare, which belongs to its respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended. I own nothing, please don't sue.**

**If you missed reading the letter, go back to Chap 10 before you read this.**

**Google the Shakespeare and you'll find endless copies of it.**

**Reviews are love, and I haven't heard from a lot of you, yet. I know you've got me on your Author and Story lists, but I want to know why. It's important to my development as a writer to get your feedback. So review, please, or pm me.**

_The quality of mercy is not strain'd,  
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven  
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:  
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.  
'T'is mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes  
The throned monarch better than his crown;  
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,  
The attribute to awe and majesty,  
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;  
But mercy is above this sceptred sway,  
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,  
It is an attribute to God himself;  
And earthly power doth then show likest God's,  
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore [...]_ _Though justice be thy plea, consider this,  
That in the course of justice none of us  
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;  
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render  
The deeds of mercy. _

_William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice", Act 4 scene 1_

**Jacob's pov**

Frantic. Agony and torment. Hatred and jealously and loneliness. Self-pity, confusion, bitterness, shame and loss. I didn't know how to breathe. How to live. How to cope. How to get any help to dig my way out of this. Suicide was looking good. But I might not see my mother again. Better not.

Sam let me suffer all night. I heard him. I heard him talk to Seth. Seth wanted to know if Sam was planning on telling me the Cullens' decision. Sam answered, "Let him stew."

And he had let me stew all night, sitting in my own sour sweat. The sour stench of fear.

I sat on my bedroom floor, stewing. Scared. Alone. I had lost my temper, just as I'd always feared I would. I had phased next to Bella. Next to the Cold One. Bloodsucking leech! And Bella, who spent her days with his kind, without fear, was now badly frightened of me. If she'd ever had _any_ kind of interest in me, it would be gone now.

The clock ticked by and I wondered how it was going to be. The leeches would get their way. I would be deemed a danger to the tribe and to the treaty. They would take me down. The stinking leeches would be happy. I wondered if Bella would care. I wondered if she ever _had _cared, or if the whole friendship had been a scam.

For sure, she had used me to get close to him, her demon _husband_. And she'd used me when he'd left her that time. Maybe she was a demon, too. A wolf in sheep's clothing. Bitch.

No, no, she wasn't. She couldn't be. She was such a great girl. He had hypnotized and corrupted her. It wasn't her fault. If I could only get her away and safe.

How could I still care about her, after everything that happened? But you can't choose who you love.

So how come I had to love her? She was brave and cute. She wasn't scared of me. She accepted me despite who I was, just like she accepted him. Team Switzerland, she'd said. Before.

I terrified her. She was actually afraid for herself, for once. And for him. Bitch. I sighed. No, not a bitch. You can't help who you love. Even if what you love isn't good for you.

I bruised her arms. I phased too close to her. I could have killed her. Not on purpose, but by accident. I was right to tell her to stay away from me. I should have stayed away from her. I was a monster, not fit to be with a woman. Look at Emily. Like anybody could avoid staring at her. How could I want to put Bella at risk? I'd just proven I couldn't handle my feelings.

And Bella would never leave him. Certainly not now. The prick had never hurt her, and I, The Great Defender, had. Well, I sure did dig my own grave. Stupid ass. You're too young to die. Especially for a girl who was a complete idiot.

Even my father had abandoned me. Not a word, all night. He put the tribe before me. And here I'd been counting on him to be in my corner.

"Jacob Black! How could you? You could have killed Bella. _ Bella_, Jacob! You get home right now." His words kept ringing in my ears. There was no relief. He was ashamed of me.

I was numb. I was paralysed by fear and indecision and confusion. And I couldn't run to clear my head. Sam had seen to that. He had forbidden me to run before we'd even cleared the Cullens' property. Not that I'd been in any frame of mind to do anything but follow orders at that point. And then, he'd forbidden me to leave my room.

5 am... I stared at the clock radio... 5:15.

The door to the house creaked open, and Sam walked in. Billy was in the kitchen. I listened carefully.

"Hey, Billy. How are you holding up?"

"Best as can be expected. You got the Cullens' demands, then?"

"Yeah. Seth relayed the message last night. Whole pack knows." Sam cleared his throat.

Shit.

"Edward Cullen is a good, uh, person."

Traitor. Billy'd gone over to the Dark Side.

"Apparently we misjudged them. Gonna take some getting used to, trusting Cold Ones, no matter how different they are from the rest."

"Yeah, but they are different. Who thought they would ever have cared about having a soul? But they do. Edward said so."

"Really? Well, nothing is what it seems around here," Sam sighed.

"Edward left this for Jake."

I heard the sound of paper tearing and paper unfolding. A letter. Addressed to me. And they were reading it. Bastards.

"Wow. He'd better have this."

Yes, I couldn't wait to see what my Cold rival had written. Probably gloating. Probably calling me every bad name in the book. And I'd walked into the trap. I'd made my bed and would have to lie in it. Fuck.

"What if he tears it up?"

"You're right. Good thinking. I'll take it now and scan it, and then I'll come back."

"That's _my_ letter, you bastards!" I bellowed.

There was an uncomfortable silence, followed by a sigh from both men. Then, the front door squeaked open and Sam was gone. With my letter. Prick.

At 5:30. Sam was back, and Billy's chair was in motion. They opened my door and stood outside it.

"Come to serve the Cold Ones, traitors?" I sneered. "Come to deliver my death sentence now?"

"We shouldn't have been prejudiced. Take it. Read it. We'll deal with you later." Sam handed me the letter, in its torn envelope. I snatched it.

"Thanks for siding with them over me, Great Leader. Old Man. Guess I knew nobody loved me. Well, you can all go to Hell."

"Jacob, you are my only son. I will always love you. Now shut your mouth and read what the Cullens had to say. We can talk later." Billy wheeled back out to the kitchen.

Sam stopped before leaving. "Remember, you're to stay in your room 'til we call for you."

"Coming for me with a mob at High Noon?"

"Hardly. But you _are _going to meet with the pack. There has to be a reckoning."

"Fuck you. Fuck all of you."

"Read the letter, Jacob."

"Don't you worry, Sam. I will. I can't _wait_ to hear what they have to say."

Sam shut me back in and left the house. I could hear Billy sniffling in the other room. Crocodile.

"Don't I even get to use the can?!" I bellowed.

"Read the letter first, Jacob," Billy sobbed. Asshole.

I stared at the envelope, seeing my name in Bella's writing, more worried to see what it said than I would like to admit. Well, waiting wasn't going to change anything. I pulled it out. Fancy cream-coloured paper, with square, masculine writing in a black fountain pen. Looked like a damn greeting card. He had to be gloating this morning, off on his honeymoon with my Bella, ruining everything. Fucker.

I read it.

I didn't get it.

I read it again.

Impossible.

I read it a third time.

I roared with rage. It couldn't be. It _couldn't _be! They were laughing at me, I knew it. It was a setup. They were on the good side of the pack, now. They were trusted. And I was out. I was the villain. God damn me!

I crushed the letter and hurled it across the room, screaming. Then, I tore apart everything I could grasp. I smashed my belongings. The books. The football trophies. The radio. I smashed the desk and chair. I ripped the bedding to shreds. I tore up the carpet. I tore the pillow into bits and threw around the stuffing. I hurled the mattress across the room and I pulverized the bed frame into tiny little pieces. I phased and rammed myself against the walls.

I couldn't touch the door. Sam had seen to that. I couldn't leave the room. But I could ruin it. I could destroy things instead of people. I crossed the room, and something fell on the floor. I stepped on it, and a prickle of pain went through my forefoot. I looked down. It was the photo that stood on my bedside table. The one of me and my mom. I had smashed it, and the picture was ruined.

I phased back to human, heartbroken, and picked up the splintered frame. I took the photo out of it and tried to piece it together, ignoring the glass bits in my hand. It was no good. The tear was right through the middle of her face. It was no good. Fuck. Damn it to Hell. Why couldn't I do anything right? It was their fault. The Cullens.

I sat on the floor in my skin, my revolting, sour skin, and I bawled. I bawled and I yelled and I wished for my mother. I cursed the Creator. I screamed about the unfairness of it all. I wished for death. I begged for relief. Somebody save me from this torment.

I screamed myself out. It took hours. Afterwards, I lay down on the floor, and stared at the door, unblinking. I shut my eyes, lying there, wishing. Wishing there was a way to turn back the clock. Knowing there wasn't. Knowing this wasn't some nightmare I could wake up from. Knowing that I had given away my power of choice. Others would be making decisions for me now.

All because I had interfered in the life of a stupid girl. You dumb fuck, Jacob.

I lay on the floor, staring blindly at the door. Staring at the crumpled piece of paper on the floor nearby.

I had almost started a war. And the Cold Ones and the wannabe Cold One had forgiven me.

The pack would take me out. I had endangered the tribe. At least I could go to my death forgiven. If I didn't land in Hell, maybe I would see my mother. If I sucked it up and walked to my death bravely, maybe I would die well and end up in Heaven with her. So, I'd tell them all I was sorry, and hope for peace.

At some point, Billy knocked and asked to come in. When I didn't answer, he invited himself in. His eyes took in the destruction, and he couldn't get past the door for mess, but he said nothing. He took in my form, huddled on the floor, eyes unseeing on the photograph, and he sighed.

"Well, Jake. I see you're missing Mom. I miss her too."

"I ruined the picture. I've ruined everything." My throat was stripped raw and blistered from screaming.

"Sue has a copy of it. We can replace it. We can't replace you, boy."

"And they're going to kill me, aren't they? I've really fucked everything up."

"There's always hope, Jake. Don't give up."

"I'm sorry, Dad."

"I know, son. Come to me. I love you."

I hurled myself across the room, and put my arms awkwardly around my Dad's middle, crying into his lap. He shushed me and stroked my matted hair, until I cried myself out.

"I want my Mom."

"Me too, Jake. But she's watching. She'll watch over you. She won't leave you unguarded, son. Her last thoughts were of you. She didn't want to leave you, you know. So don't fret. Be brave."

The front door squeaked open, and I flinched.

"Time to clean yourself up," Sam ordered, not making any comment about my destroyed room. "We're going to my place. Meeting the pack and the elders there. Go and shower. Be presentable."

I obeyed. But what do you wear to your own funeral? The best thing you have. Wait. Oh, I'd phased last night and ruined my best clothes. Shoes were gone, too.

I emptied my overfull bladder. I showered and got the knots out of my head, trying to stop quaking. It would be quick. They wouldn't let me suffer. I would have to thank them for that. It would be quick and fairly painless.

There was no more delaying. I decided to wear my black shorts, and let my tatoo show. I'd show them I was still one of them. Show them I honoured their decision. Show them I was putting the tribe first.

When I left the bedroom, I found out Billy and Sam were outside. I approached the door hesitantly.

"Alice Cullen stopped by with this, early this morning. She said they wanted to take care of restoring the damage." Sam handed Billy a cheque.

"Holy. I could remodel the whole house with this. I'll have to call and thank her."

"She said it's the least they could do."

Yeah, because Billy wouldn't want my room to look anything like my room, when I wasn't coming back to it. Nice of the Cold Ones to help him adjust. Oh, well. What did it matter? If it was a comfort to Billy, I shouldn't complain, even if I did mistrust their motives. No point in stirring the pot. I heaved a huge breath into my lungs, and it shuddered out.

Billy reached out a hand for me, and I took it. Sam moved back to wheel Billy's chair the short distance to the other house. My legs were shaking so badly, I could barely take steps forward.

Emily invited me in, her sad face and scars reminding me of what happened to wolf girls. Maybe Bella was better off, I thought. The pack was waiting in the kitchen. The chiefs were there, too, except Sue. I wondered where she was.

I took my place in the middle of the circle.

"Got anything to say, before we tell you what the Cullens decided?" Sam asked.

"I just wanted to say sorry. I don't know what came over me. It was wrong to lose my temper, and wrong to try and control Bella. I didn't know what else to do. I was so worried about her. But it's no excuse. I'm bad. I endangered everyone. Everything. I will submit to your judgement. I ask for forgiveness."

Sam nodded, seeming to approve of me. It lifted my heart a little. I could do this. Go out with honour.

Sam spoke, eyes still fixed on mine. "Seth? Tell Jacob what Edward decided." I braced myself. Seth: Mascot to a blood drinker. I turned like a rabbit in front of a snake to hear my fate.

Seth stood at attention, and spoke up clearly. "Here are the words of Edward Cullen, a trustworthy Cold One who honours the Treaty and offers friendship to the Quileutes:

"'Jacob is not to be harmed in any way. Make sure he understands that _that _is the Cullens' edict. I want mercy for the young wolf. But Sam _should_ forbid him to run away, or this plan won't work.. I want him in a Healing Circle. Starting tomorrow. I want him counselled, and I want some reality jammed down his stubborn throat.

"'We're going to write and tell him we're sorry for his suffering, and that we won't hold a grudge, but his antagonistic and abusive behaviour must stop. You will read it in front of the pack in the morning, after you tell him how close he came to starting something regrettable.

"'I want him to write a letter of apology to Bella and me by the time we get back to Forks.

"'Jacob needs help to learn social skills and coping skills, and you're going to get him that help, and we are going to keep the pack accountable.

"'Jacob is a good kid, and he's gone a little nuts, that's all. Jacob has protected Bella for me more than once. I owed him. But the debt is paid. If he ever hurts her again I will personally put an end to him. Regardless of consequence.'"

I fell down on my knees. It could not be true. I had been shown mercy. With conditions. And the terms were fair. Sam took out a copy of the letter, and read it aloud. Then, he handed out copies to each member of the pack, and my father.

I had been spared by my deadly enemy. Whatever composure I had left was shattered. I put my head on the floor, trying not to pass out. The pack filed out around me, wordless. Sam put something in my hand. The original letter. I gripped it. It was holding me to the earth. I gripped it. How could it be? I sucked in a lungful of air. I let it out. I sucked in more air. It tasted pure and clean. I could breathe again. Because of the vampire I hated.

I sat up. Was the letter a trick? I was free, but at what cost? What should I do with my freedom?

What if they meant it? Bella didn't love me the way I wanted her to. And she wanted to be one of them. But they had given me my life. I couldn't believe it. I sat on Emily's linoleum floor, and I smoothed out the letter. I smoothed it out on the floor, between my knees, and I read it. It wasn't logical. It wasn't what I expected. They didn't gloat. They didn't they punish me. There was nothing hateful in it. It said I had value. There was no _sense _to it. I read the letter again, trying to decipher their intentions.

After a while, I decided I wasn't going to understand it right away. I folded it, carefully, and kept it in my hand. I walked out the front door of Sam and Emily's house, down the front stoop, and off toward the beach. There was nobody around. I had the whole place to myself. It was sunny and warm. A good time to go sit on my favourite driftwood log. The one where I'd sat so often, with Bella.

Time to think. Sort things out.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Reclaiming the House**

**CAUTION: Contains a Graphic Lemon that would have Edward clutching his head and yelling. Nobody wants to think about their parents, you know...**

**This chapter's material is kinky, but there will be no torture, objectification, degradation or use of force. In other words, these will be acts of consent between respectful adults who are in love.**

**The lemons in my works will always be loving and there will be a deep emotional connection between the monogamous participants. No acts, no matter how 'hard', will take place that the recipient would find demeaning, scary or uncomfortable. **

**I will place a bolded asterisk before the place where the lemon begins. Anyone who does not want to read it should stop reading at that point.**

**I reserve the right to make fun of, or sources of embarrassment out of, the Denalis.**

**Carlisle and Esme have been married a long time so they would like novelty. And Carlisle was celibate for a lot longer than Edward, in case anybody didn't notice:D**

**_Ahem_. Vampires are very ... um, sanitary. They bathe fastidiously, they don't eliminate, and they don't have germs to share. They also don't damage easily. Please do not assume the same thing applies to other sentient creatures. Humans have stringent health and safety requirements. Take care of your body. You only get one.**

**Now that I've been kind enough to let you hear Jacob have his tantrum, I'm going back to where we left off at the end of Chapter 9. Haven't you always wondered what happened at the house after Edward and Bella left? Well, I did:)**

**All belongs to Stephenie. I'm just playing a very naughty game with her people, and I'll give them back later. **

**Oh, and the Muppets belong to Jim Henson's heirs and their respective owners. If you don't know who the Muppets are, go to You Tube and search " The Muppets-Bohemian Rhapsody" on xDnamemendi's channel. She has been kind enough to list all the puppets' names in order of appearance. Told you my taste was eclectic, right?**

**Esme's pov:**

**August 13, 1:30 am**

"Goodbye!" I shouted at Bella as Edward manoeuvred the Guardian down our drive. There were cars parked all the way to the end of our private road, which was a first for our family. The guests for the graduation party had not brought nearly so many vehicles.

Carlisle and I waved and he whistled as the newlyweds pulled out. I barely caught Edward's amused eye roll. It made Carlisle chuckle as they drove away. Bella looked so happy. What a gratifying day.

"Well my lovely, the last chick has left the nest," Carlisle said, kissing my cheek.

"Thank goodness. Weren't they wonderful?" It warmed me right through.

"They certainly were that. They made quite an impression on Billy, too," my husband smirked.

"They made quite the impression on everyone. Even your workmates." I eyed him teasingly. "That slide show? Alice had better watch her step. Doesn't matter if they're thrilled with the wedding. Edward won't overlook any slight to their privacy."

"Edward may have to adjust to a lack of privacy, considering his siblings' proclivities. Thank God you decided to fix up that old cottage for them."

"I like peace. We won't start transferring their possessions until Monday, okay? We need to accomplish some chores before that."

"I'll say. What's on the agenda for tonight, Peach?" Carlisle's hand crept down to squeeze my backside, and stayed to explore the swishy fabric of my long skirt. I gave him a coy look.

"Maybe if you're well-behaved tonight, Dr Cullen, I'll take control of you." Well, I had his undivided attention, that was for sure.

"Define good behaviour, madame."

"After we see everyone off, you and I need to secure the booze and box up the leftover food. I promised Bella the food wouldn't go to waste. Em and Rose can double check all the guests are sober to drive home, and then they can take the food to the women's shelter in Seattle tonight. Jasper needs to drive Sue and Billy. Perhaps Alice will go with him. Everything else can probably wait for tomorrow. Will you talk to Jasper in the morning about falsifying a police report about James, and planting it in the FBI database? "

"Of course. Your list doesn't sound so bad. What are you doing with the flowers?"

"A lot of them will get sent home with guests. The rest can go to the old folks' home."

"Sounds lovely. Who's doing the delivery?"

"I thought you and I could drop in later tomorrow morning."

"Is it just my imagination, or are you trying to get our kids out of the house tonight, Peach?"

"Well, I've managed to set one couple a task, and another couple is getting on a plane. I'm hoping the third couple gets a psychic hint."

"Mmm. Sounds like a romantic playtime is on the agenda."

"I certainly hope so."

"I could really use a nap, Esme."

"Would you mind, terribly, waiting just a couple of days? Getting you to the point of napping could be a little ... conspicuous."

"I bet Edward will get a nap soon." Carlisle's eyes glinted wickedly. He didn't feel the need to protect Edward's modesty anymore. Edward had Bella, so expressing manly feelings around him was now fair game. I was enjoying this new, playful side of my mate.

"That should scare them both. Did anyone warn them?"

"Heck no. Where would the fun be in that?"

"Sometimes I'd like to be a fly on the wall."

Carlisle pretended to pout. His eyes were dancing, which spoiled the effect he was going for. "So no nap for me tonight."

"Aw. Poor baby. May I remind you females never get to nap?"

"It's not like we haven't tried to find the solution to that, love. Females don't react like males. I wish I could help."

"You aren't worrying are you? I actually don't mind missing out on sleep, not that vampire 'naps' really qualify as sleep. They aren't like sleep at all. Trust me."

"I know. But they are so refreshing. I'm sorry."

"There never used to be enough 'me' time when I was human, and now there's always enough time and energy to accomplish what I'd like to."

"Well, I'm glad. I won't bother feeling guilty, then. Cleaning tomorrow?"

"Yes. I don't figure we'll hear from the newlyweds until the day after that. They're probably going to be too busy for the first while."

Carlisle laughed quietly. "I think it will be amazing if Edward doesn't join the Mile High Club."

"He's probably already in it. They'll be on the plane, now. Who would have thought reticent little Bella would turn dominant?"

"Just wait 'til she's turned. He might take over. It's always the quiet ones, Peach."

"You ought to know, Doctor Teeth."

I only called him that as an invitation to certain activities. It was funny how the nickname started. There used to be a Muppet with that name back in the 70's. The family used to like to watch it sometimes because of the good guest stars, and somehow we all ended up dressed as Muppets one Halloween. Alice's idea, of course. She was Animal. Carlisle was speechless when he saw his glam costume: a gold tooth, red fuzzy wig and beard, top hat and stripey outfit. Not as speechless as Jasper, who was a horrified Kermit to Rose's Piggy.

Mine wasn't so bad. I was Janice. Emmett was Fozzie Bear (so naturally he didn't mind) and Edward was Rowlf the Dog. We were in Saskatchewan at the time. We ended up at the community dance, which was a fundraiser for the hospital. We were a big hit. And Edward played the dilapidated upright piano in costume, with the tips of his fingers poking out through his furry brown mittens and a shiny black nose stuck to his face.

Improvisational jazz, I recalled fondly, much like the character played in the show. Somewhere in the attic, there was a photo. It was probably the last time Edward had admitted to liking dogs. He certainly didn't like them any longer. I'd have to show Bella. She needed ammunition to deal with Edward's perfectionism.

"Ooh. Don't call me that unless you mean it." Carlisle nuzzled my neck, bringing my focus back to the present.

"I believe I do," I fluttered my eyelashes coyly.

"Mmm. Then maybe we'd better get the show on the road," Carlisle said smoothly.

Charlie walked up to us, scratching the back of his neck. "Uh, Esme? I was wondering whether Jasper could drive me and Sue home now. It was a great wedding, but tonight was kinda tough on us both."

"Why certainly, Charlie. We understand. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Esme. Edward will take good care of my daughter. He's proven that. So I feel okay, letting Bells go. It's natural that she grow up. And Edward's a great kid.

"It was sure hard watching Bella hurt, though, especially at Jake's hands. But she'll be fine. She's a trooper.

"I'm more worried about Jake. And Sue. She was so upset. I'm gonna try and convince her to stay at my place for company. Her kids aren't home and I don't think she should be by herself. She'll fret. I'll offer her a chat over some cocoa. Then I'll put her up in Bella's room."

Charlie Swan? Monosyllable Man, offering Sue a _chat_? There must be something there. I avoided raising my eyebrows with difficulty.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, Charlie. You're a good man."

"I'm so sorry that everything became so stressful tonight, Charlie. I hope you forgive me for not sharing Bella's secrets." Carlisle said, shaking hands.

"No hard feelings, Carlisle. I know you were prevented by your position."

"Thanks, Charlie. Jasper, there you are! Would you please take Charlie and Sue home now?"

"Sure Dad. No problem. Charlie? Sue? I'll take you in the Vanquish, and Lis can follow behind in the Porsche and drive me home."

"You're sure it's no trouble, Jasper?"

"None at all, honest." Charlie drew Sue out of the crowd of guests, issued his invitation, which was accepted, and said their farewells. He tucked Sue's hand under his arm and escorted her back toward us. Definitely something there. How sweet. Carlisle and I exchanged a knowing smile.

Alice ran up with a large flower arrangement, which she pressed into Sue's hands. Sue ducked her head shyly, thanked us, and sniffed the flowers. Charlie took the flowers from her, and they strolled down the drive, accompanied by Alice and Jasper.

Jasper started discussing the fine points of bagging deer with Charlie. He had definitely made progress. Carlisle read my mind.

"What's with Jasper, coping so well with the temptation of humans?" he wondered.

"He really likes Bella so he's trying harder. Since he just hunted last night, everything should be fine."

"Be nice if we could integrate him more."

"Yes. He's always wanted that."

"I used to be afraid he'd cheat on our diet." Carlisle gazed down the drive at Jasper and the others.

"He would never have disappointed Alice that way."

"Thank God for Alice."

"For infinite reasons," I agreed.

Carlisle wandered over to Rosalie and murmured into her ear. I went inside and brought out some of the flower arrangements in a box. When I came back outside, some of the guests were preparing to leave and some of Carlisle's nursing staff had already left with their mates. I said goodnight to Dr. And Mrs Gerandy, and gave her a small vase of flowers.

Carlisle was saying goodnight to the Chief of Staff. Perkins. He presented the man's wife with flowers as well. They were new to Forks, and expressed a wish to get closer to our family. I guess we made a good impression.

Rosalie and Em were way down the drive, herding Bella's young people toward their cars with a flashlight. Alice's fairy lights weren't quite bright enough to help humans unlock their vehicles.

"Goodnight, Esme. Goodnight, Carlisle."

"Oh, goodnight Angela. And you, Ben. I hope you both enjoyed yourselves today."

"It was a spectacular day, Esme. I'm so glad for Bella and Edward. They're perfect together," Angela gushed.

"That, they are. I was happy to meet your parents and brothers today, dear. I think I'll have to get to know your mother better. We seem to have a lot in common."

"I daresay she'd really like that, Esme. But if you're not careful, she'll have you volunteering in the Sunday nursery or something."

"Well, I don't know if I can handle that. But maybe the kitchen."

"Be careful what you say, or it may be used against you." Angela grinned with a raised brow.

"I'll keep that in mind. Lovely to see you again, Ben."

"Thanks for having me. I enjoyed being here early, and spending time with Edward and his brothers. Terrific wedding. I bet Seth will make a great video. I'd love to see it sometime."

"I'm sure Edward will be chomping at the bit to share it," I chuckled.

"These are for you, Angela. Do you need an escort to your car?" Carlisle handed a huge flower arrangement to Ben.

"Uh, no, we'll be okay. We'll take our time. No reason to rush."

"Okay, goodnight kids."

"Thanks for everything, Esme," Angela smiled.

"Keep in touch."

"Okay." Angela put her hand on Ben's arm, which was too occupied with the big container of flowers to be any use at hugging her. They walked carefully down the dark drive, chatting contentedly. Nice kids.

"Is that everyone?" I whispered to Carlisle, copping a feel. His breath hitched.

"Eric's still packing up."

"Well, let's go see if we can help him."

"No need. Rose is already on the job. She and Em must have slipped back through the trees. Em's got the speakers, see?"

"Great. Let's go see if we can start boxing up the food." I took Carlisle's hand, and we retrieved a bunch of plastic containers from the fridge, and a huge bag of buns, and took it all in a pair of boxes out to the snack table in the marquis. We added the leftover squares and snacks to the boxes. I put the partial tier of the wedding cake in a cardboard cake box, which would have to be carried separately. Then, Carlisle and I made a trip to the M3, and stowed all the food away. The cake wouldn't fit in the tiny trunk, so I put it on the floor of the back seat.

"All set kids?" Carlisle asked as Rose and Em returned, minus Eric.

"Yes, the weirdo has left." Rose announced.

"That's not very nice, Rose," I admonished her.

"Trust me, he _is _weird," Emmett said with arched brows. "Food all set to go? We'll take it now."

"Yes, thank you Emmett. We'll pack up the booze. Then there won't be much left to do except put the vehicles away and secure the house. We'll clean up tomorrow."

"You'd better take in the tablecloths and garbage unless you want to attract wildlife. Maybe we should leave them out. Easy pickings," Emmett advised.

"Thank you, Emmett. I don't need rental items destroyed. And thanks for doing this task. Bella will be pleased. We'll see you when you get back."

"Okay, Mom. Don't wait up." Emmett leered. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Okay. Goodnight kids."

We watched the M3 pull out. Carlisle turned to me, snuggling up. "What do you think the chances are that I can ravish you in the kitchen before Alice and Jasper get back?"

"Slim to none. I just heard the Porsche pull in."

"_Grr!_ Perdition!"

"Doctor, I am going to punish you for that language. Now help me clean up the laundry, and the bar."

"Yes, Milady."

"Hurry."

"Yes, Milady."

In minutes, the chores were complete, and Carlisle and I were heading up to our secret lair, hidden between our walk in closet and Carlisle's office. It wasn't totally secret, because Edward and Alice _knew_, of course, but nobody except Carlisle and I knew how to get in. The room was nothing fancy or sinister: just an area that could be staged for various games. But Edward had threatened to pour bleach in his head when he first found out about it, so we tried to use it when he wasn't home.

And I had a new toy to try, that I thought was going to be a resounding success. I snickered to myself. How I would love to manage to surprise Carlisle. It didn't happen as often as I could wish. After all, being a doctor, my husband found out about a lot of things that most people would never encounter.

*****

I popped the hidden catch and flipped on the light. I threw a waterproof sheet and a clean towel down over the custom designed bed, which had a reinforced steel frame and a leather-bound mattress. I prepared my sterile instruments and props. Not that germs could really hurt us, but we liked the antiseptic scent. Then I opened my costume trunk and took a long look, trying to decide.

I pulled my black merry widow with the red accents from the trunk, and found my leather cat mask and black silk stockings and knee-high spiked heel boots. Then I made myself comfortable, and waited, planning. Carlisle had been much to stressed lately. He needed to hand control over to me for an hour or two.

Part of my brain registered Jasper and Alice leaving the house. Bless Alice.

I heard the latch click, and Dr Sexy was before me, dressed in the black leather pants and biker boots I'd left out for him on our bed. No shirt, and his own leather mask. Totally hot.

Apparently, he liked the look of me, too, because his scent instantly changed and a dark shadow misted up behind the gold of his eyes.

"Well, well, what have we here?" I crooned. "A very, very naughty fellow with a dirty mouth. I think you need to be taught a lesson."

"Yes, Milady." Wow, was he ever turned on. Black eyes. Bingo.

"I think you deserve punishment for that nasty swearing."

"Yes, Milady."

"I think I will have to whip you with my crop."

"Yes, Milady." Mmm. Definitely turned on. I stepped behind Carlisle and pushed him roughly down on the bed with my foot. He landed on all fours. I spanked him with my palm, hard, through the leather britches. He moaned a little, with anticipation.

"You're going to get whipped, naughty boy."

"Yes, Milady."

"And you're going to like it, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"And then, we're going to try something new."

"Okay."

"What did you say?"

"I mean, yes, Milady."

"Take down your pants." He complied in a hurry. And heaven help me, he had tied up his equipment with a studded leather cock and ball ring. I stroked it with my crop, and he arched and shuddered. I ran the crop around the vee of his loins, and tickled his privates with it, until he was whimpering with anticipation and his legs were quivering.

"Your attire pleases me." I brought down the crop on his buttocks. _Crack._

"Thank you, Milady."

"You're not counting! Your job is to count the strikes!" _Crack._

"Sorry, Milady. One, two!"

"But even if you did please me, you need to follow the rules, and you broke them." _Crack._

"Three. Sorry Milady."

"You used an obscenity. For that, you must receive a chastisement." _Crack_.

"Four." I couldn't hear any stress in his voice. Perhaps a harder strike was warranted. _Crack_.

"Five." _Crack._

"_Ow. Six! Red!_" He cringed a little. Damn, inflicting pain wasn't supposed to be part of the game.

I dropped the crop and ran my hand over the silvery welt I'd accidentally created. Curse me if I hadn't left an abrasion. Within a few seconds, it began to heal. I relaxed. Carlisle wasn't complaining. His eyes were sparkling in response to my fretting. I kissed the welt better and continued.

"Clothes off." Carlisle kicked off the boots and slipped out of the leather pants, staring submissively at the floor.

"Lie on your back, with your feet on the floor." When my mate complied, I surveyed him from above, and reached down to caress his ribs and tweak his nipples.

"You will pleasure me."

"Oh, yes, Milady." A small growl escaped him. His black eyes burned.

"And you will do exactly as I say. You will not speak unless I tell you to. You may nod or shake your head." He nodded vehemently.

I straddled his torso and put one of my boots on the bed, leaving my other foot on the floor. "Stroke me." Carlisle began caressing my privates, running flat thumbs across either side of my clit, kneading my inner thighs with his hands, and stroking back and forth down my underwear.

"More." He pulled the offending garment gently out of the way and continued his teasing. When I was open and aching for him, I gave more orders. "Penetrate me. Find my gee." My mate thrust two fingers into me and found my g-spot. He thrust and curled his fingers, driving me mad with desire.

"Harder!" I rested my hands on his chest and bucked wildly until my climax. I soaked him.

"I will mark you as mine," I snarled, rubbing my jism all over his abdomen. He was so hard, his dick was curled up on his belly past his navel. Well, it had been a while since we'd had the leisure to play this game. Too many nosey house guests.

"Do you like it when I cum on you, you horny Englishman?"

He nodded urgently.

"Do you like submitting to me?"

Yes, again.

"You have pleased me. I am going to try something new. You are free to speak at will."

"Thank you, Milady."

I fetched my new set of toys. A leather case zippered shut down the middle. I opened it. A series of fine, graduated surgical steel rods about 12 inches long, with a slight curve at each rounded end, were revealed, laid out neatly on black velvet.

Carlisle observed the rods with clinical interest. "Milady, what are those?"

"Those, my sub, are Urethral Sounds." A drop of pre-cum oozed out of the end of his dick.

"How do they work?" he asked, intrigued.

"One is lubricated, and inserted into the penis until the end gently touches the prostate. It tickles."

"Yellow." My mate looked at the device with a hint of trepidation. Time to slow down and reassure him.

"It must be inserted with extreme care and your participation will be mandatory."

"Yes, Milady."

I fetched a sterile plastic medicine syringe that I had filled with lubricant, and pumped a small amount slowly into his urethra. I took the smallest rod, lubricated it, and poised it at his tip.

"Green." Carlisle took hold of his dick and held it still. I slowly inserted the rod, until it was about 7 inches inside him, producing a shocked groan. Then, he took over, fishing it inside a few more inches until it touched his prostate. By pressing down the length of his main vein, I could feel the end of the sound. Strange, and fascinating. The sensations drew a guttural sound from my mate.

Carlisle began slowly sliding the sound back and forth and around. I played with his privates and squeezed his thighs and admired him. Carlisle was glorious. After several minutes, his breathing grew ragged. His black eyes fell on me lustily.

I pinched my fingers around the sound and began to draw it out, slowly. My mate slid it the rest of the way out, and dropped it on the sheet.

"Take me!" I demanded. Carlisle lifted me into the air and pushed me up to the wall, and slammed into me. He licked and sucked at my earlobe greedily. One of his arms supported my weight, and the other braced us against the reinforced concrete wall. I wrapped my arms and legs tightly around my mate, feeling powerful. Only I could please him. I was thankful every day that he chose me. He banged me hard, until our moans turned into guttural screams and snarls. We climaxed together, as he held me up against the wall. He held me there, for several moments, after, as we panted and kissed. Then he lowered me gently to the floor.

My husband slipped off his mask and mine, and smirked slyly at me.

"Have you been listening to Tanya again?"

"No, I found those on my own when I was looking online for something else."

"Mmm. So what _were_ you looking for, you vixen?"

"We'll discuss that another day. You liked it?"

"It's ... different, but yes, I liked it. A lot. But it requires some care."

"Yes, and some disinfecting."

"It's not likely to infect a vampire with anything, love."

"I'm not taking any chances with you, Carlisle. You're too valuable. We're supposed to sterilize these with rubbing alcohol."

"Whatever makes you comfortable. Thanks for the game, Esme. I needed it, after everything that's happened this month. I love you."

"My pleasure, love. When the chores are done, we'll get you that nap. I think all the kids will take a few days holiday after they hear from their brother, and we'll have the house all to ourselves. We're all frazzled."

"The stress is over, thank goodness." he sighed, sated for the time being.

"What could be more stressful than planning a wedding?" I shrugged.

"Planning a wedding with Alice in charge?"

"Touché."

We smiled and kissed each other affectionately.

**Have I shocked you? I posted a poll about this lemon for a week, but nobody participated. Not _one_ out of 200+ people who read my profile. I can't identify you through a poll, you know. Your answer is anonymous. So, I asked you, but nobody replied. Review or pm, but please be respectful. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Comfort Zone, Part I**

**Both halves will be posted at the same time.**

**This chapter rated M for mature content.**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. I'm just playing naughty games with her people. I own nothing.**

**A lot of people have me on their Favourite Authors list. Nominations for the Eddies and Bellies close December 10th. Would you consider me? Nominate your favourite authors, please:)**

**Sue's pov:**

I sat in the back of the Bond car with Charlie, feeling a little uncomfortable. Jasper Cullen, unlike his younger brother, gave off an aura of danger. Jasper did not, however, behave in any way that validated my anxiety. He chattered with Charlie about hunting, and smiled genuine smiles with his gleaming white teeth.

Almost as if he knew what I was thinking, the Cold One smiled wryly in the rear view mirror at me. His strange yellow eyes were amused, but kind. For some reason, I felt calmer. More peaceful. Charlie Swan had hold of my hand and that was making everything tolerable. I had wanted him to make a move. Well, you know what they say about weddings.

A fresh wave of nerves hit me and then Jasper smiled gently. The sense of calm flooded me again. Could he have anything to do with that? He was now talking to Charlie about his marriage to Alice. His affection seemed genuine. Perhaps the Cullens were trustworthy after all.

I relaxed into the buttery, grey leather seat, put my free hand around Charlie's bicep and rested my head against his shoulder. Charlie glanced down at me, a little surprised. Then he went back to talking to Jasper. It was more talking than I'd ever heard from him, and I'd known him through Harry for over 22 years.

In what seemed like no time at all, we were parked in front of Charlie's house. The three of us got out of the car and stood together under the porch light. Jasper passed Charlie the keys to Edward's car. Alice bounced out of her yellow Porsche and locked her arms around her mate. She had changed out of the old-fashioned dress. Gosh, she was tiny. Even I was bigger than her, and that was saying something.

It was a little chilly after the warmth of the car. I shivered, and Charlie let go of my hand and put his arm around me. I leaned into his side. Alice seemed to find this wonderful. She beamed at me. Charlie often spoke fondly of his daughter's best friend. I guess they had a mutual admiration society. At least there was no reason for me to be jealous. Alice was obviously completely dedicated to Jasper. And was_ that_ ever mutual! He was gazing down at her tenderly, hooked on every word she said.

Wouldn't I love it if Charlie were to look at me that way. I suddenly felt turned on. I peeked up shyly at Charlie and my heart hitched. Charlie was looking down at me, and his look _was_ tender. I gave him a shy smile.

The Cold Ones seemed to be paying more attention than was warranted, but I suppose that was useful. Nobody had to tell them to get lost. Little Alice said hurriedly, "It's getting late. We should get home before Esme starts fretting. You know how mothers are. You can be married over 50 years, and they still want to know where you are at night.

"It's been lovely meeting you, Sue. I hope we'll be seeing you often." Alice offered her hand to me. I took it warily, and murmured my thanks. Alice beamed again in response. She jumped up to kiss Charlie on the cheek.

"Be good," she warned him with a mock frown. I could see his blush, even in the dim light. Charlie muttered something about how Alice should follow her own advice, and shook hands with Jasper. The Cold Ones got into their Porsche and waved goodbye. We stood on the front steps, watching as the car disappeared quietly into the pitch.

Charlie turned his attention back to me, looking a little awkward. Then he took out his key and held the door for me so I could go in the house. It was quite dark, and Charlie reached past me to turn on the hall light. In doing so, he brushed against my chest. I felt a little flustered. Charlie took my light jacket, and then steered me by the elbow into his sitting room. He turned on a couple of lamps, which lent a golden glow to the room. Charlie excused himself to set the kettle on.

When he returned, Charlie had lost his jacket, tie and shoes. He sat in the armchair across from me. I was a little disappointed. I had hoped that he would join me on the loveseat. He stuck one foot up in the chair and rested his elbow on it, as was his normal inclination. It was unconsciously sexy.

"Uh, Sue, I want you to know that you mean a lot to me, and I'm glad you return my interest. I don't want to rush things. I think we should take this slow. Make sure we do things right."

I didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved. "Thank you, Charlie. That means a lot to me."

"I loved your husband. He was a great friend. A good father and a good man."

"He was. I loved him too, Charlie. But I think he'd be happy to know that I'm with you."

"I hope so, Sue. I think so, too."

"So why did you ask me to stay, Charlie, if you are planning on being a gentleman?"

"I just thought it would be good for both of us to have company after the drama tonight. That's all," he shrugged.

"Well, you could come and sit with me," I offered, patting the cushion next to me. Charlie got up and sat beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I leaned toward him a little. He smelled so good. Masculine. His cologne was musky. I felt myself warm.

"You must be hurting over Jacob," he surmised.

"Yes, and no," I admitted. "This was not unexpected. I'm just glad he didn't do anything worse."

"I never saw it coming. I trusted the kid," Charlie grimaced.

"Well, he has a very open face. He wears his heart on his sleeve. It makes people trust him. And Jake's not really a bad boy. He has a lot of good qualities. Paul, for example, is a lot harder to handle. But Jake needs attention, and guidance. If he applies himself and owns his faults, I'm sure things will work out fine for him."

"I'll trust your judgement. I felt like getting my rifle when I saw those marks on Bella."

"Yes, it was shocking. But Bella will be fine. Edward will be there for her."

"Yeah. Funny how much I like him now. Despite all the trauma he's been through, he turned out great. Says a lot about his parents. You're a good parent, Sue. I admire the way you're raising Seth and Leah."

"Seth is easy. We've always been close. He has a sunny disposition. Leah used to be like that, but since Sam dumped her, she's had a lot of issues. I'd like to shoot _him_ sometimes."

"I bet. But Leah listens to you. She'll come around eventually."

"I hope so. He really broke her heart."

"Harry would be proud of you."

"Yes. I miss him. I knew him all my life. But he wouldn't want me to cry over him forever, Charlie."

"I agree."

"Charlie? Would you kiss me again?"

Charlie didn't bother to answer me. He leaned in slowly and pressed his lips softly to mine. I had never kissed anybody with facial hair before. His moustache tickled. I liked it.

I wound my hands around the back of Charlie's neck and sighed with satisfaction. I opened my lips, inviting him in. His tongue explored me tentatively. He ran it smoothly over the fronts of my teeth, and curled it inward, seeking mine. He tasted so good. He was all man.

I revelled in the kiss. It was melting me, but Charlie was being nothing but patient. Finally, he pulled back and looked at me with smoky eyes. He wanted me. I felt so happy. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, and sighed.

"I should finish making that hot chocolate," he said huskily.

"Okay." He slid off the loveseat, leaving my arms empty. I wanted them full again. Full of Charlie.

A couple of minutes later, he came back, carrying two steaming mugs of cocoa. After handing me one, he pulled the coffee table a little closer, and rejoined me on the loveseat.

"Marshmallows, Charlie? You're spoiling me."

"Aw, well, Bella would never drink it without them. It's kinda become a habit," he smiled. He bent his leg and rested it on the seat between us. This displayed his crotch to advantage. I tried to keep my eyes up and center.

"Do you remember the day we all went on that picnic, and Harry fell in the Sol Duc?" Charlie asked, sipping his cocoa.

"Ah, who could forget. He was madder than a wet hen." I giggled.

"And twice as loud. I don't think I ever heard him curse, before or since." Charlie chuckled fondly.

"Not as funny as the time your car broke down."

"Not everyone is a mechanical genius, dear_._"

"Not everyone drives old beaters, either, _dear_."

"Guilty. Maybe Edward'll let me keep the Vanquish."

"Good luck with that. Speaking of Edward and funny, would you care to explain the compromising picture in the slide show?" I teased.

"Uh, another time. There's been enough stress today. It really wasn't funny at the time. I did some things I'm not proud of." Charlie was blushing. Holy cow.

"Charlie Swan! Did you pull your gun on him?!"

He scratched his head, looking anywhere but at me. I gaped at him.

"You did, didn't you!" I accused, grinning.

"Yeah, and I was wrong. And I regret it. I'll tell you another time. Sue? You're my best friend."

"Yeah, likewise Charlie."

"So, time for a change of subject."

We exchanged a few lighthearted stories. Being with Charlie made me feel good. Complete. We chatted and laughed and drank another cup of cocoa.

"Oh, gosh, Sue! Look at the time. We should turn in. I'll give you a track suit, okay? And you can have Bella's room."

"Okay, Charlie, thanks." He took my hand again and led me upstairs, and then showed me Bella's room. He walked over and flipped on the light near the bed. I was a little surprised. There was a hodgepodge of mismatched furniture and the bed had a purple coverlet. The room didn't have much of Bella's personality. Except, perhaps, for the photo of her and Edward that was shoved into the frame of the little print hanging over her headboard. I looked around curiously. The room was strangely lacking personality. Of course, she'd have moved her possessions out, I remembered.

Charlie appeared, hesitating in the doorway with a folded sweatsuit and clean towels. I thanked him, and gave him a quick kiss goodnight. He muttered shyly, wished me a good night, and shut me in. I stood, linen and clothes in hand, and looked at the shut door.

I walked over and dumped my stuff at the foot of the bed, and opened Bella's closet. Plenty of empty hangers greeted me. I undressed carefully and hung up my good clothes. Then, I pulled on Charlie's navy blue sweatsuit. The pants were so huge that I didn't think I could sleep in them. I took them back off, and folded them up.

I pulled down the bedding to air it. The sheets were crumpled, and there were telltale stains on them. I rolled my eyes. Trust Charlie to give me a bed that had been used. Men. They never thought of such things. I wondered if he knew that his new son-in-law had been in this bed. Probably not. Well, I wouldn't enlighten him. I wouldn't ask for fresh bedding that would have to be explained. I would sleep between the top sheet and the coverlet, I decided. Somehow I'd get the sheets washed when Charlie wasn't around. Maybe Monday, when he was back at work.

I arranged the sheets, and crawled in. The bed smelled of Bella and Edward. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was disconcerting. I envied their bond. I didn't feel as weary as I should. I was comfortable, but sleep eluded me. My mind wouldn't rest. I was thinking about Jacob, and Billy, and the treaty, and Bella, and Edward's promise, and my kids. And Charlie.

Finally, I couldn't stand the longing. I got up, and padded down the hall. I tapped on Charlie's door.

"Come in," he called softly.

"Charlie? I can't sleep. Can I have a cuddle?"

"That'd be nice. Come on."

I crossed the room quickly. Charlie made room for me, extending his arms so I could spoon with him. He pulled his blankets up over me. It was soothing and warm, and his hot breath tickled the back of my neck. I listened to Charlie breathing. I was hyper-aware of him. Soon, his breaths became regular and he started to snore softly. How was I ever going to sleep? Ah, well. There were more important things than sleeping. I curled into him contentedly, enjoying the intimacy. And drifted off smiling.

The next thing I knew, the curtain was being pulled back and hot sun poured down on me through the window. Charlie walked around the bed. He was wearing a black track suit that didn't leave much to the imagination. I supposed he had one in every colour. I hoped so. He was carrying a breakfast tray with scrambled eggs and toast and coffee on it.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," he teased, his eyes crinkling. I sat up a little awkwardly, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

"Oh, Charlie. What time is it?" I yawned, stretching.

"A little after 10am."

"Have you been up long?"

"A couple of hours. Never fails. I have a day off and I can't sleep in. Here, sit up and let me give you this."

"You didn't have to cook for me, Charlie."

"I wanted to, dear."

I looked at the tray a bit apprehensively. Geez, the toast wasn't even burnt. And the eggs smelled good.

"Holy cow, Charlie. This actually looks edible," I kidded him. He waited expectantly, and I tasted everything.

"What's the verdict?"

"It's good. I'm proud of you. Thank you, love."

Had I just called him 'love'? I looked down, blushing. Charlie tipped up my chin, searching my eyes. Then, he kissed me lightly.

"You are welcome, sweetheart. I would be happy to do this every day."

"That might require some explaining to the kids," I said tentatively.

"They'd best get used to me. 'Cause I'm going to be around. A lot."

"I'd like that. Love."

"Me too. Love." And just like that, I belonged to Charlie Swan. He brought up his mug of coffee, and sat on the end of the bed while I ate. And we talked about the past, and we talked about the present, and we dreamed about the future.

When I had eaten every bite, Charlie took the tray. I thought I had best make a trip to the bathroom. I tossed back the covers to get up, remembering belatedly that I hadn't worn pants to bed. Charlie's face flushed, and his eyes drank me in. I forgot to be embarrassed.

"You are a fine looking woman, Sue. For somebody so small, you sure have long legs." I felt a thrill.

"I'm glad you find me attractive, Charlie. I thought you'd never kiss me."

"I couldn't resist. And I won't be acting like a gentleman much longer if you keep sitting there, looking at me like that."

"Maybe I don't want you to be a gentleman." I blushed hotly and peeked up at him.

"Perhaps you would join me in the shower, then, sweetheart?"

"Can I have a minute alone in there first?"

"Oh! Of course. Excuse me." Charlie ducked out of the room, quickly.

I padded softly to the bathroom, locked the door, and made use of it. Then I started the hot water and slipped out of Charlie's shirt and my underwear. I unlocked the door.

I stepped under the water and let it saturate my hair. I faced the wall and shut my eyes as I heard the door open and the plastic curtain swish, and then Charlie stepped into the tub. I heard him catch his breath, and then he ran his hands down my arms. He leaned away from me, then pressed up against my back and put his arms around me.

I could feel the coarse hair of his chest against my back. He was nothing like Harry. Except they were both wonderful men.

Charlie ran a bar of soap soothingly over my skin. He picked up my curtain of wet hair, and lifted it over my shoulder out of his way. Then, he set his mouth down on my shoulder, his breath coming hot and fast against my skin, and watched me as his hands explored.

**Well, what do you think?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Comfort Zone, Part II**

**Please nb- Chapter 13 (Part I) posted at the same time.**

**Rated M for a hard, mainstream lemon and bad language.**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. I'm just really, really naughty when I borrow her people. I'll give them back when they're sated, honest. Which won't be for a few pages yet.**

**Charlie's pov:**

I heard the water turn on, and hesitated outside the door. I had wanted this for a long time, I admitted. I wanted Sue to be more than my female best friend. I wanted her never to leave. I wanted to play football with Seth and kick the ass of the next guy who tried to hurt Leah. I wanted to wake up with Sue every day. And I'd even learn to cook if it pleased her.

I was in love with Harry's widow. And he'd be up there, giving me his blessing. 'Cause he'd know we were perfectly suited. We both liked a quiet life. We loved visiting with family at home. Not interested in travel or novelty. In other words, homebodies, both of us. I didn't think Sue would take much convincing to move into a permanent arrangement. And that's what I wanted.

I pushed open the bathroom door and was enveloped by steam. I brushed the shower curtain aside, and stepped in behind her. Even from the back, Sue was lovely. Her copper skin glistened with drops of water, and her glossy black hair fell in a straight sheet down her back. My breath caught as I stepped up behind her, and I pressed her close to me as I looked for the soap.

She was so shy, she didn't turn to look at me. But she leaned back against me, and let me support her while I washed her. I ran the soap over her front, glad I could please her at last. I knelt down behind her and washed her legs, and I stood back up and washed her back. I rinsed her, and grabbed Bella's girly shampoo. I put my hands on that beautiful head of hair, and I lathered it up. Sue sighed. She was happy. I carefully manoeuvred her under the spill of water, and combed out the foam with my fingers.

Sue turned to face me with her head bowed. She put her arms around me and rested her head on my chest. She seemed so small but she was one of the strongest women I knew. I lifted her chin and she met my eyes.

"Will you stay with me forever?" I asked her softly.

"Yes, Charlie. Yes, I will. I won't ever leave you."

"Promise me."

"I promise. Now what on earth are we going to tell my kids?"

"Well, I think we should probably give them some time to get used to the idea. It's not every couple who starts talking about forever on the first date," I rolled my eyes in a fashion worthy of Edward.

"It's not every couple that knows each other more than half their lives before starting to date," Sue pointed out.

"I think this qualifies as more than a first date, Sue."

"Well, you finally made your intentions clear, handsome."

"Aw, don't call me that, dear. You're the attractive half of this partnership. We're like Beauty and the Beast." I objected.

"That's not true, love. I find you very attractive," Sue protested.

"You're a little biased," I blushed.

"You're all man, Charlie. Attractive inside and out. I'm honoured to be with you."

"That's only 'cause you love me," I stated.

"What's not to love, Charlie?"

"I think you're saying my lines, sweetheart."

"You're wasting time. Kiss me, you fool." Sue pulled my head down and moaned into my mouth. Her hands ran through my chest hair and crept around to my back and my butt. God help me, she felt so good. I crushed her to me, and kneaded her ass. She threaded her hands into my hair and pulled it. Time to get out.

I lifted Sue out of the tub and secured a towel for her. I wrapped a smaller towel over her hair. I stroked her beautiful head. I was dripping on the floor. I reached a towel for myself and tied it around my waist. I dried my lover's body. I kissed her everywhere as my hands wandered. Her full, womanly breasts were flushed with desire, and her soft abdomen bore witness to her motherhood. While I worked, she ran her hands over me. My cheekbones, my whiskers and the hair on my chest all commanded Sue's gentle attention. When she was dry, I picked her up and took her to my bed.

I laid her down, pulling the towel open. "God, you are so beautiful. I want you so much." My cock was throbbing. I was burning with need.

"I want you too, Charlie. Make love with me."

I suddenly remembered something.

"Aw, shit!" I sat back and scratched my head, deflating.

"What's the matter?" Sue asked in confusion, sitting up.

"I don't suppose you have any protection, do you?" Crap, I was a jackass.

"No, I'm afraid not. It's been a long time since Harry and I, well..." she blushed.

"Been a hell of a lot longer since Renee and I did this," I admitted.

"So we're a little rusty."

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." And about to be a lot frustrated.

"Charlie, I don't want to wait."

"You could get pregnant."

Sue hesitated, then just blurted it out. "If I did, would that be so bad?"

I reeled. I had only _just_ told her I wanted her. We had only made a promise to stick together forever a few minutes ago. And now, she was asking about a kid, when we hadn't even told the existing ones that we were together?

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I shouldn't have brought it up. There's enough new stuff to deal with at present without discussing a baby. Please forget I said it." Sue hung her head, chagrined.

A baby.

"No, it's okay. Probably a good thing to think about, before we go any further. Just something I hadn't thought about. I didn't do the best job with Bella, not that she hasn't turned out great. But it was hard going for awhile when she came here. I let Renee and Phil do the lion's share when she was growing up. Are you seriously telling me you want a kid? That you think I'd be a good father the second time around?" I rubbed the back of my neck.

"You didn't have much of a chance with Bella, Charlie. I saw what you were like with her when she was four. You were great with her. Really involved. Then she left Forks and you lost heart. But you're great with Seth. I think you'd be great with a baby."

I pondered it. "I'm almost 41 years old, Sue."

"Harry was 38 when we had Seth. Harry wasn't in as good shape as you, though."

"How old are you, Sue?"

"I'm 38. Leah is nearly 20, you know, and Seth is turning 15 soon."

"What would they make of it?"

"I find it hard to believe that Leah would have anything positive to say about us, regardless. She's in a bad place right now. Seth loves you, Charlie. He'd be happy to have you around every day. A step-sibling might cause some friction at some point, but I have ... something to admit." Sue peeked up at me with a guilty look. It was so cute that I couldn't be worried about what she was gonna say.

"Spill," I smirked.

"Seth is the one who got me thinking about the whole thing. He wanted to know if I thought we'd get married someday and provide him with a baby brother."

I laughed in spite of myself. "He said that? Edward once said Seth was a cheeky little bastard, and I agree with my new son-in-law. Talk about _us _jumping the gun!"

"He loves you, Charlie. Probably everything is a lot easier for him to accept than it would be for most kids, because you were his friend first and nobody has forced you down his throat."

"Let me think for a minute, Sue." A _minute_? _Where _did all this quick decision-making come from? It used to take me weeks to decide what to do. Now, I was cranking out life-altering decisions like spit. Where did the Charlie Swan I knew disappear to?

Still ... a baby. I could picture it. Me, holding a little baby in my callused hands. Teaching the little rug rat to fish, with Seth along for the ride. Taking him to kindergarten for the first time, while seeing Seth off to college. A baby with Sue's silky skin and hair, hopefully looking like Sue and not too much like me.

"You know, one time together could determine our future. Could make it too late to change our minds. Making a decision like this, this fast, doesn't seem very responsible," I warned.

"I can't imagine wanting to change my mind, Charlie. If you need time to make up your mind, I'll wait. But I couldn't regret it if I were to get pregnant today. I could never regret having your child."

"If we make a baby, I would expect you to tough out any problems. No divorce."

"Was that your way of asking me to marry you?" Sue fluttered her lashes at me.

"Are you always this impulsive?" I demanded.

"I'm never impulsive actually. You've bewitched me. So how 'bout it? You already said you wanted me around forever. Will you marry me?" she grinned.

"_I'm_ supposed to ask."

"Chauvinist. Maybe I shouldn't ask you, after all."

"Now wait a minute, missy I-"

"What, are you _arguing_ with me? Little confused? Need another minute?" Sue was definitely laughing at me. Women were dangerous. I spluttered and blew like a fish out of water. She started to giggle.

"Didn't this start with a question about condoms?" I asked weakly.

"Yes. Maybe we should put all these ideas on hold. Why don't you run down to the corner store and buy some?" Her eyes glinted wickedly.

I sat on the bed like a statue, flabberghasted.

"Charlie?"

"Gimme that minute, okay?"

"I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel forced. I'll wait for everything. Waiting will make things sweeter." Sue lowered her doe-like eyes and traced patterns on the bed clothes.

"It wouldn't make waiting for a decision about a baby sweeter. That would be hard. Especially if you wanted one and I dithered. Now hush up while I think things out." I growled.

"Can I rub your back while you think?"

"That'd be awesome." I stretched out on my stomach and quietly adjusted myself. Sue ran gentle fingers down my back. It was soothing.

"Have you thought this through?" I asked a little gruffly. "We're talking about a human life here, sweetheart."

"Actually, I've been daydreaming about it for a long time."

"Really? You've known you wanted me for a long time?"

Sue chuckled. "Charlie! How many men do you think I cook and clean for, exactly? If I knew how to flirt, I'd have thrown myself at you months ago."

"Probably just as well that you didn't. I'm an antisocial old man and I needed time to get accustomed to having you around."

Sue laughed. As she leaned over my back, her hair brushed my skin. My cock started to harden again.

"Think you're gonna be able to tolerate me hanging around, Chief?" Sue laughed.

"You have made yourself indispensable, Ms Tribal Elder. Crap! Two chiefs in one house. How are we gonna manage?" The mind boggled.

"I think we'll do just fine." Sue dropped a kiss between my shoulder blades. Her breasts brushed my back. I wondered if she had any idea how that affected me.

I got back to thinking.

A baby. With russet skin and curly black hair, and laughing eyes. In the radiant, nurturing stability of Sue's arms. An irresistible picture. And Sue wearing my ring, lying beside me every morning, eating with me every night. Watching football in the evening. Entertaining all our kids. Going for walks at the Port. Whew. I would be nuts to turn that down.

I rolled over and took her by the upper arms. "Yes." I said decidedly.

"Yes, what?" Sue said, unsure of my meaning.

"Yes. Yes, I will marry you. And yes, I want your baby. And yes, I think we're both insane."

"Oh, Charlie. Are you sure? You don't have to do it if you feel rushed." Her bottom lip trembled. I kissed it.

"I would be crazy to say no. I want you with me for the rest of my life. I want to wake up with you every day. I want to enjoy the simple joys of life with you. And the picture of that baby just pretty much seals the deal."

"Honest?"

"Honest. Now where were we before all that irritating talk about condoms?"

"Um, I think I just said to you, 'make love to me, I want you'."

"I want you, too, sweetheart. Now that we have our entire future planned, can we get back to it?"

"You betcha. Come here and kiss me, handsome."

I obliged, placing butterfly kisses on those full lips of hers. Her responses became more insistent until finally she thrust her tongue into my mouth. She wrapped her legs around me and pulled me down tight to her body. She was determined to rush and I was determined not to. I drew back and smirked at her.

"Slow down, you demanding wench," I commanded.

"Ooh. Yes, sir." Sue arched a sarcastic brow and reached down to grip my swollen cock. It probably inflated to twice its normal erect size, instantly. _Oh, I am in so much trouble with this woman._

I sucked one of her nipples into my mouth and played with it. So good. She arched her back and moaned. Yes, I was definitely in trouble. I was a goner. I sucked her other nipple, delighting in the sensation. I'd fantasized about having her for so long. She ground herself against me. I placed kisses down her torso, stopping to lick the flesh below her belly button, and looked up to gauge her reaction. Ah. Impatient and lusty. What a surprise.

I parted her legs and got a shock. Sue had one of those silver rings through her clit. It was incredibly sexy. I lunged down with my mouth. I put my tongue on her clit and lapped the piercing with long strokes. I wrapped my lips around it and tugged it gently, making her whimper.

"Yeah, you want that, don't you? Tell me you like it. Show me." I put my tongue back to work. I was careful not to scratch her tender flesh with my whiskers. Soon, Sue was bucking and writhing under me. She fisted my hair.

"I want more, Charlie! Put your tongue in me!" Sue rubbed her clit.

"Yeah, sweetie. Rub yourself. Show me what you like." I growled.

"Oh, yeah. More. Lap at me. Yes, Charlie, yes. I've been waiting so long. Put your tongue back in. More, Charlie. I want _more_."

I slid my tongue up and down her pussy until she grabbed my head and lifted it.

"I want your cock, Charlie. I want you now. I've waited so long. Don't make me wait any longer," Sue insisted.

"You are in such a hurry," I teased, preparing to make her wait.

"I don't _want_ to slow down. Love me slowly _next time_. Put your cock in me _now_!" she said roughly. I levered myself up face to face and she tangled herself around me. I stared into her eyes as I pushed in. _Oh, God._

"You're tight as a virgin!" I barked, shuddering protectively to a stop.

"I told you, I'm rusty. You don't use it, you lose it," she snarled.

I brushed hair back off her forehead. "Darling? You haven't lost anything. You are totally hot. I love how you are clenched around me. Ungh. I can feel your insides stroking me. That is so hot. I want to bury myself in you over and over."

"Come on, Charlie. Love me. I'm ready for it. Come on, now. Faster. Oh, that's right lover. Take me. Make me yours."

"Ugh, you are, ugh, mine!" I cradled her in my arms and rolled over onto my back, then pushed her up and held her by her ribs. She rocked against me. "Ride me!" I demanded. "Ride me 'til you cum."

Sue did as I commanded, her breasts bouncing as she levered herself up and down, her head thrown back in ecstasy as I thumbed her clit. I watched my shaft advance and retreat within my lover's body.

"Cum for me, Sue. Let me watch you. Come on, let's see you cum." I commanded. Sue immediately whimpered and I felt her spasm around me. I moaned gutturally. Then, I was joining her with a blinding orgasm.

"I'm cumming with you, sweetheart. I'm cumming too!" I yelled. I pulled her hips down hard on mine and pushed as deeply as I could into her heated body, locking us together. I strained into her as I squirted my load into her depths.

Sue shook back her hair, lifting it with her hands, and collapsed onto my chest. I held her close as we panted together. I was still joined with her. Her vagina twitched and clenched around me. I held her still, my fingers whispering over her back, as our breaths quieted, and my shaft eventually softened enough for my cock to slide out. Sue fidgeted and straightened her legs, and we lay in each others' arms, resting.

An hour later, I loved her again. We took our time.

It was after two in the afternoon when the phone rang. Sue sat up as fast as if someone had pulled a gun on her.

"Oh, shit! I never called home!" Sue said, jumping out of bed in a panic.

"It's alright. I'll deal with it." I claimed. "I suppose you should go run us a quick tub."

"Okay. If it's Leah, watch out for her teeth." Sue slinked off toward the bathroom. I admired the rear view. She had a great ass.

I rushed down, naked, to the kitchen to get the phone, hoping nobody would come to the door. I caught it on the 12th ring.

"Hello? Swan residence." Luck was with me. It wasn't Leah, It was Seth.

"Hi, Charlie. Do you know where my Mom is? I stayed at Sam's all night, but I got home half an hour ago and nobody's heard from her since last night." Seth sounded very worried.

"It's okay kid. Everything's fine. Your mother is here with me."

"Was she upset about Jake? Is she really alright?"

"She's fine. Honest."

"What time did she get there? Nobody's seen or heard from her since the reception. I've been calling around. And Leah isn't home. She stayed out all night. It's a good thing I have my own key."

This was not a conversation I wanted to have over the phone.

"Yeah, I'm glad you had it with you. Um, Seth? Your Mom was ... here. All night. With ... me." There was a beat of silence.

"Holy cat crap! Are you serious?!"

"Uh, yeah. Seth? I ... love your Mom."

There was a ruckus on the other end of the line. Apparently, Seth was jumping up and down with joy.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! You really love my Mom, Charlie?" he bellowed. I held the phone away from my ear.

"Yeah, kid. You're stuck with me. How 'bout I take us all out for supper tonight, to discuss things?"

"Leah too?"

"If she'd like. I know she won't be as effected by our decisions as you are. She's welcome, but not essential. But I think _you_ should be a part of what we decide."

"Bouya! That's totally obese. I get a stepdad. Are you gonna have more kids?"

"Uh, maybe. Can we discuss this in person?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Charlie. Can we go to the Lodge?"

"I don't think I want to be overheard. Grapevine's too healthy here. And Seth, don't tell everybody, okay? Let your mom and me decide how to tell people."

"Why?"

"Just to be sensitive to other people's feelings. Billy might have my hide. And Leah? She scares me. How 'bout we go back to the Port again? Eat in somewhere."

"Coolio. You're gonna flex Edward's tricked-out ride, right?"

"Sure, kid."

"Shiznit. I'm so there. I can't believe my mother's your shorty. Leah's gonna hurl. She's such an idiot-stick. I hope she keeps her big mouth shut. Mom must be so happy. If Leah doesn't like it, she should keep her paws out of your lunch. I wish she'd get her nugget sorted out."

"Uh, yeah ..." I hoped I understood what he was saying, 'cause I wouldn't remember it to ask Sue.

"What's your best spitball for getting home?"

"Huh?" I'd have to take a lesson in talking to excited teens. He never talked in this foreign language unless he was super excited.

"Ahem. What time do you think you'll get here?" Seth said slowly and clearly.

"Oh, uh, sometime later this afternoon. Maybe around four."

"Coolio. I'll be waiting. And I'll try to talk to Leah so she doesn't lose her nugget in public. She's somewhere in the heazy."

"Great, kid." Crap, I needed a translator.

"Charlie?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"Thanks for taking us on."

"It's my honour, Seth. I love you guys."

"Love you too, Charlie. Holy! This is the phattest day I've had in a long time."

"Thanks, Seth."

"No problemo, Charlie. See you in a bit."

"Okay, bye."

I went upstairs and slipped into the tub behind Sue.

"Well?" she said nervously.

"Well, I talked to Seth, who doesn't speak American when he's happy. He said we were obese and you were short, and he said I should flex my muscles and this was a fat day, whatever that means. He said he'd talk to Leah and gave his opinion that she would lose her balls and that she shouldn't eat lunch with us if she doesn't like it. He asked me to throw a spitball and then he said he was glad you were happy. And he loves me and wants me for his stepdad. And he ran around screaming 'oh my god' a lot. I told him we'd pick him up, and Leah if she wants to be included, at 3pm to go out for dinner and a chat somewhere at the Port."

Sue looked at me like I wasn't making any sense. Then she leaned back against my chest. "Oh, that sounds like it went well, Charlie."

"Yeah. I think so, dear." I said smugly. I scooped up some water over her boobs, and she relaxed against my chest, with her eyes closed. Coolio.

**Nominations for the Eddies and Bellies close December 10th. Please remember your favourite authors. And please review:)**


	15. Chapter 14B

**As a special favour to those who became totally lost when Seth stopped "speaking American" in Chapter 14, I present the translation:**

**Seth**: "Outstanding! That's totally excellent. I get a stepdad. Are you gonna have more kids?"

**Charlie:** "Uh, maybe. Can we discuss this in person?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Charlie. Can we go to the Lodge?"

"I don't think I want to be overheard. Gossip's too healthy here. And Seth, don't tell everybody, okay? Let your mom and me decide how to tell people."

"Why?"

"Just to be sensitive to other people's feelings. Billy might have my hide. And Leah? She scares me. How 'bout we go back to the Port again? Eat in somewhere."

"That's totally cool. You're going to show off Edward's fancy car, right?"

"Sure, kid."

"Excellent. I'm so excited that all my energy will be focused on being with you. I can't believe my mother's your girlfriend. Leah's going to vomit. She's such a socially brainless person. I hope she keeps her big mouth shut. Mom must be so happy. If Leah doesn't like it, she should not interfere. I wish she'd get her problems fixed."

"Uh, yeah ..." I hoped I understood what he was saying, 'cause I wouldn't remember it to ask Sue.

"What's your best time estimate for getting home?"

{"Huh?" I'd have to take a lesson in talking to excited teens. He never talked in this foreign language unless he was super excited.}

"Ahem. What time do you think you'll get here?" Seth said slowly and clearly.

"Oh, uh, sometime later this afternoon. Maybe around four."

"That's cool. I'll be waiting. And I'll try to talk to Leah so she doesn't go crazy in public. She's somewhere in the neighbourhood."

{"Great, kid." Crap, I needed a translator.}

"Charlie?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"Thanks for taking us on."

"It's my honour, Seth. I love you guys."

"Love you too, Charlie. Holy! This is the most rewarding day I've had in a long time."

"Thanks, Seth."

"You're welcome, Charlie. See you in a bit."

"Okay, bye."

**Now go back a chapter and read Charlie's interpretation of the slang. He got it so wrong! LOL.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Carpenter's Lady**

**WARNING: This chapter refers to details from the sexual assault of Rosalie. I will place double asterisks and a note before and after the paragraphs about the assault. The rest of the chapter will be a lot fluffier and parts are important to the future story.**

**Caution: Lemon. Em and Rose are getting busy. Isn't everyone? Well, you know what they say about weddings:D**

**I've said it before and I'll say it again. Why? Because I mother everyone. So sue me. Vampires are extremely hygienic, clean creatures. They are not vulnerable to disease or infection. Humans are another story. Take care of your body. You only get one.**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. No copyright infringement is intended. The Twilight Lexicon was consulted for biographical details.**

**All music belongs to its respective owners. **

**'If I Were a Carpenter' by Bobby Darin, written by Tim Hardin**

**'(You Have) Stolen (My Heart)' by Dashboard Confessional**

**I am making up a set of playlists to go with my stories. As of December 7th/09, you can find the music from 'Prenuptual Posturing' and 'Toasty Warm' on my playlist on You Tube: wwwdotyoutubedotcom/jmollytwilight **

**Not a fancy channel yet, but give me time: I just have to learn how to do it:D Please visit and leave a note. **

**Don't miss my parody, 'Foreseen Events', which is a Christmas present for you. **

**Reviews left here would be a nice Christmas gift:) When I'm happy I type faster. Which means I might be able to deliver at least part of the honeymoon to you by New Year's. Now wouldn't you like that for a pre-midnight kiss?**

**I'm posting 3 chapters today. This is the first. Don't miss any:) Told ya I'd be done this fic by Christmas. Bedward will be calling home soon.**

**Rosalie's pov: **

I was happy. I had smiled, leaving the shelter. I knew the women inside. Knew their fear, anyways. I had only experienced it once, on the day of my death. It was an experience I never would repeat. Royce certainly hadn't had another chance. Not to hurt anyone else, and not to reform himself. And I got to go home with Emmett, who treated me like gold.

I hadn't been so happy in a long time. My Em was a big marshmallow. I was glad every day that I'd begged Carlisle to turn him. An existence without my big ol' bear would have been torture. Everything was cold and grey before I found him.

I was, strangely enough, thrilled for Bella. What a marvellous wedding. I would have to plan another one for myself soon, if Alice planned to do that good of a job putting them together.

We climbed into my M3, and Em turned on the satellite radio and took my hand. I was about to praise him just for being himself, when a certain song came on the radio. It was a beautiful song, by one of my favourite artists, Bobby Darin. Traditionally, it ripped my heart to pieces. Em grimaced over at me and moved to shut it off. But it had been so long since I'd heard Bobby Darin. I took my hand off the wheel quickly and stilled my husband's fingers.

"No, Em. Leave it. We so rarely hear Bobby's music anymore. I know you love this song, and I can handle it. It's been such a happy day. I laced my fingers with Em's, and he sat back quietly.

"You sure, Rose? I don't mind turning it off, if you want me to."

"Em? I'd best start trying to get over it. No use pining for something impossible. I have so many other things to be thankful for." We listened to the song as we drove back toward home.

_If I were a carpenter  
And you were a lady,  
Would you marry me anyway?  
Would you have my baby?_

_  
_"We could always adopt. I've suggested it before," he coaxed.

"It wouldn't be right, Em," I said softly. "Let's not discuss it now. I haven't heard Bobby Darin in such a long time. Em lapsed into silence.

_  
If a tinker were my trade  
would you still find me,  
Carrying the pots I made,  
Following behind me._

Save my love through loneliness,  
Save my love for sorrow,  
I'm given you my only-ness,  
Come give your tomorrow.

If I worked my hands in wood,  
Would you still love me?  
Answer me babe, "Yes I would,  
I'll put you above me."

If I were a miller  
at a mill wheel grinding,  
would you miss your color box,  
and your soft shoe shining?

If I were a carpenter  
and you were a lady,  
Would you marry me anyway?  
Would you have my baby?  
Would you marry anyway?  
Would you have my baby? 

Emmett eyed me a bit warily, but tried to pretend he wasn't worried about me. "You really loved his music. We ought to get some of it to listen to regularly. Wonder why we never did?"

"I dunno. I should get Jasper to load up some songs on my iPod. Bobby was such a talented entertainer. Such a sense of humour. You know, I heard that Sammy Davis Jr said Bobby was the only act he never wanted to follow."

"The man could spellbind an audience. That's for sure." Em smiled as he reminisced.

"Shame he died so young. Where was Carlisle when Bobby needed him?" I asked archly.

Emmett was taken aback. He'd never heard me talk about wanting someone to be a vampire, even in jest.

"It's alright, Em. I'm not going to burst into tears. Not today."

"You're glad for Edward," Em appraised.

"I'm glad about a lot of things, Em. I wish I'd said so sooner."

"Well, tell me now," he demanded, eyes crinkling at the corners a bit. He turned off the radio.

"Bella and I still don't have the easiest relationship. First, I messed it up at the beginning, by not accepting her, and then I goofed, telling her I wanted her to stay human. And I was wrong, Em. Bella should be a vampire. I'm glad Edward is changing her."

Emmett gaped at me. "Who are you, and what have you done with my wife?"

I laughed a little. "Stop."

"What brought this on?"

"Carlisle said something. And I realized it was true. Plus, I had sort of an epiphany of my own."

"Okay. Bring it. What did Carlisle say?"

"He was talking to Esme about Bella. He said Edward and Bella would not be able to love each other thoroughly unless they were equals."

"Well, there's always been a risk that he'd squash her into soup."

"Em! That's not what Carlisle meant. He meant spiritually. Emotionally."

"I'll give you that, but it would put a heck of an emotional and spiritual damper on things if he hurt her. He worries all the time about failing to be gentle. And Edward can't let go and enjoy. Not with her being so fragile. I don't know how they're going to cope."

"They'll cope. Edward is such an overachiever." I rolled my eyes.

"He told me and Jazz that he bruised her last night." Em looked at me anxiously.

"I saw."

"You _saw_ the bruise?" Emmett gawped.

"Yes. It's not pretty. The funny thing is, Bella totally brushed it off. She wouldn't even let Esme fetch Carlisle to take a look at it."

"She'd hardly want her father-in-law examining her butt, Rose."

******

**Skip this part if reading about assault upsets you. Resume after the second warning.**

******

"Emmett, when I was ...murdered, Carlisle saw a lot more than my butt. Edward did too, for that matter." Emmett remained carefully neutral, but he was listening attentively. I hardly ever talked about that night. He knew the gist of the matter, but I rarely gave details.

"The men tore me, Em. Badly. So badly, Carlisle didn't think the change would fix the damage. So he put in a few stitches before I could freeze over. There was no morphine. Edward had to hold me down. And, like, I _really_ wanted my legs held open and more pain in the wazoo. It's no wonder I couldn't get along with Edward. And later, when I was burning, they had to wash blood off me."

"Blood? It was that brutal, Rose?"

I pulled the car over onto the shoulder. Em was getting alarmed. I shut my eyes, and swallowed, pushing down the useless panic and turning it into fury.

"They bit me. All over." I opened my eyes to measure my mate's reaction. His face was crumpled.

"I'm so sorry Rose. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"What could you have done, Em? I took my revenge. They were dead. I had a couple of years to revel in that. Then, I found you. And I didn't want your pity or your worry. I knew the instant I saw you that you were meant for me. I bonded right then and there. And I didn't want my past trauma to be the elephant in the room."

"But ... you let me be rough with you. You even let me bite you." Em said in confusion.

"Emmett, what happened to me was not my fault. I always knew where to put the blame. I never wanted you to treat me like damaged goods. And you never have. So don't start coddling me now, or I'll be sorry I told you. I only shared this with you so you'd see why I thought Bella shouldn't have been so squeamish about such a small thing as having Carlisle see her backside."

"But how do you get past it?" Em wasn't going to let the subject drop.

"There are times I wish I hadn't tried to remember. It was all so murky at first. I should have let the memories die. But I didn't listen to Edward. I obsessed over them, in my wish for revenge. And I got my revenge. But I could have just let those memories go, and my existence would have been a lot happier. It was foolish."

"Well, I wish I'd been around to help you kill them." Emmett was seething.

"It didn't erase the consequences. I became a vampire, and I took my pain out on Carlisle. It wasn't his fault, he was only trying to help me. It was Royce's fault. And now, I have to remember everything I did. Edward was right. He was an ... experienced killer. I should have listened to him."

"No use crying over spilled milk, darlin'. And as to Edward, thank God he reformed. He'd have been a really lethal traditionalist. But I still don't understand how you can be so passionate. So free with me."

******

**Resume reading here:**

**

"I loved you, Emmett Wallace McCarty Cullen. I bonded. I gave you all of me. I chose to meld with you and become one. That's why I changed my mind about Bella. When I thought it through, I realized what everyone else already knew."

"Which is?"

"They bonded the minute their eyes met in that cafeteria. She bonded with him, even though she was human. I was under the mistaken impression that Bella had a choice. She really didn't."

"Are you claiming that our mate bonds are merely physiological?" Emmett frowned at me.

"Not at all. Rather, that the emotions are heightened for us, and we exult when we meet our true loves, and we would be shattered without them. I realized it when Bella chased Edward to Italy. The mate bond was, and is, just as powerful for her as it is for me. Bella has to be with Edward. She was emotionally, spiritually and physically designed that way. And neither one of them could bear life alone."

"Awesome epiphany, Rose. You gonna be friends, now?"

"Yes, Emmett. No more problems from the bitchy sister-in-law."

"You'd better talk to her about it, honey. Make sure there are no hard feelings."

"I'll tell her. But I think she already knows. She's been quite responsive to my friendly overtures."

"I'm glad. I like her."

"I know. So do I. Especially since she decided to be assertive. No more cow-towing little lamb."

"That's for sure. She's really grown a set."

"She decided what she wanted. And she decided it was okay to demand her own needs be met. I admire that."

"Tell Bella that, too, Rose."

"Yeah. I already told Edward that I was glad for both of them."

"When?"

"While he was dancing with me tonight. And you should have seen the look he gave me. He was so pleased. I think I can be friends with him, now."

"Well, I couldn't be happier, honey."

"Thanks, Em. And that's not all that I'm happy about."

"Do tell."

"Not that it's news, but I wanted to remind you that I adore you."

"Yeah, I love you too, Rosie."

"Em. I want to make it clear, so look me in the eye, handsome. I'm glad I asked Carlisle to save you. I'm glad I resisted my nature and carried you safely home. I don't regret it. You have been the perfect mate for me. You are the perfect lover and friend. You keep me honest. And I get to keep you forever. And I cannot regret being a vampire anymore, because I get to stand beside you. Always."

Emmett swallowed. I hadn't realized that my bitterness had left him insecure. It shocked me. Emmett always seemed so sunny to me. The love of my life had hidden his fears from me. I was ashamed.

"That is the kind of statement that just begs to be rewarded with a kiss," he said haltingly, his voice stopped with tears. I couldn't acknowledge them. He would be embarrassed.

"I was hoping for more than a kiss, Mr Universe," I flirted, determined to make everything up to him.

"Then you shall have all of me, honey," he promised. Emmett turned the radio back on and leaned over to kiss me. He brushed his lips over my face, whispering my name over and over. Dashboard Confessional's 'Stolen' flowed melodically out of the radio. How appropos. I _had _stolen his heart. Literally and figuratively.

I flicked my tongue against my mate's and he groaned. I made a circuit of his teeth, curling my tongue and not going too deep, playing tag with his tongue. Meanwhile, my left hand crept down to massage the vee of his jeans. I rubbed him hard. His penis was striving for freedom. Em was so big. It was always a surprise, touching him and finding him snorting at the gate. Like opening a gift and finding out it's the very thing you wanted.

And oh, boy, was he wanted. His hands were under my shirt, pinching my nipples 'til I thought I'd die of it. Em rapidly divested me of my clothing. Good thing we'd changed before going to the shelter or that designer dress would be toast. My bra was now in little tiny pieces, and the shirt was ripped from bottom to top. I bared my teeth and growled. My lips pouted out. But how could I be mad at him? He was such an animal.

"Emmy, you ruined my clothes."

"Yeah. Grr."

"Are you going to finish the job?"

"With pleasure, honey." Emmett grabbed hold of the back of my jeans and in a fraction of a second, I was naked in sneakers. In a dark BMW. On the highway. Ginchy. But a little payback was in order. I grasped Em's collar and firmly tore his shirt from his body. His muscles rippled and he growled. His hands smoothed the skin on my ribs, and then Emmett brought my face to his.

Somehow, I scrambled over the shift onto his lap. It was no small feat, even with all the times we'd made love in the car. After all, he was 6'5" and I was 5'9". But the confined space just made it more fun. I scratched my fingernails down his back and applied my mouth to his neck. I felt his warm breath on my collarbone as he grabbed my ass and crushed me to his chest. His mouth was everywhere. I shuddered with anticipation. I was trying to dry hump him through his khakis. Not enough bodily contact. Bye, bye, khakis.

"Aw, hon', I liked those ones."

"Are you complaining, Emmett?" I growled dangerously.

"No. No, ma'am."

"Good."

I slid down Emmett's legs until I was impossibly mashed between him and the dash, sitting on the floor of the car. I actually loved the position. It made me feel like Em was protecting me when I squashed up between his legs.

I inspected Em's underwear, "I like this new style, Em." The boxers weren't loose. They were form-fitting and silky. They had a pocket fly. And they were white. Emmy looked so good in white.

"Glad you like them, darling. Can I take that to mean that they are supposed to survive this encounter?"

"For now, anyway, dear. My apologies, in advance, should they not."

"Ooh. Does that mean there's a chance they might come in contact with, say, your teeth?"

"Is that what my Emmy wants?" I blinked up innocently.

"You know what I want, Rose. Now don't tease." Emmett smirked, then turned tender. "It's been hard, looking at you all evening in that sensational dress. Dancing with you, all smooshed up together, and no way to go and have a private time."

"It just makes it sweeter, Em."

"That it does, hon. Now, what might I guess you're going to do to put my shorts at risk?"

"Oh, we are impatient tonight, aren't we?"

"Yeah. Grr."

"I think your shorts are more at risk of being torn by your own enormous dick than they are from my teeth." I traced my index finger over the outline of his penis. I paid particular attention to the glans. Em was getting a little twitchy.

"Why don't you release me and conserve underwear? Our kind seem to go through a lot of it. That's why I so rarely wear any." Emmett started stroking my hair. He loved to do that.

"Aw. And here I thought you didn't wear it so I could fantasize about you all day," I smiled.

"Well, that's an added benefit. Do you fantasize a lot when we're apart at school?"

"All the time. You look so scrumptious when you walk down the hall. Your ass is such eye candy."

"So what have you fantasized about lately?" he asked shyly. He was always a little shy about asking.

"How about sneaking into the dugout and having sex on a bench?"

"There's one heck of a risk of interruption, hon."

"It's only a fantasy, Emmett. We don't have to do it for real," I stated. "What about the guys' locker room showers? Can't you see me, showing some attention to your penis, before some jock could come in the room?"

"Mmm. That sounds pretty good, Rose. But my penis would like some attention now."

"Is that so?"

"Rose!"

I laughed, "Okay, mountain man. I'm sorry. I just can't resist."

"Try."

I giggled. Then, I brushed my lips and nose along his inner thighs. His muscles rippled. I moved in and ran my nose over his privates, pushing up his scrotum and rubbing against his length. He smelled so good, warm and musky. I huffed my breath on him. He stroked my hair some more.

I ran my closed lips along Em's shaft, pausing occasionally to bury my face against his balls. The smell was divine, like maple wood on the fire, mixed with vanilla and cinnamon. A large wet spot was forming on his underwear.

"Come on," Em urged.

I opened my mouth and drooled along his length, I covered my teeth with my lips, and nipped him down his shaft and back again. I put his glans, still ensconced in the shorts, in my mouth and compressed it gently. I moved my mouth down to his balls and drooled and rubbed my cheeks all over them. Soon, Em's silk underwear was saturated with my drool and his lubrication. The silk was now translucent and I could see every line of him. I knelt back up and regarded my mate seductively.

I took my index finger and poked it into the pocket fly. Moaning, I replaced my finger with my tongue. Em shivered and gasped as my tongue explored everything it could reach inside the pants. He stroked my hair as I pleasured him. I ran my tongue around teasingly. My mate was so tasty.

Hooking my finger into the fly, I liberated Em's monstrous cock from the confines of his pants and took him deeply into my mouth. There was no way I would ever be able to take all of him this way. I wrapped both hands around the rest of his shaft and squeezed him as I sucked greedily. Em watched me lustfully as I bobbed on him. "Yeah. Take me in, honey. You like it, don't you? Take me deep, Rosalie. Harder. Oh, it's so good," he moaned.

It was a good time to tease. I pulled Em's underwear down and he helped me to get it off of him. Then, I grabbed Em's legs and pushed them up until his feet were on the dash, and I pulled them apart so I had room to work. I sucked his balls into my mouth, very gently pulling them away from his body. I ran my tongue across his scrotum, kneading one testicle and pushing it back so the other would come forward. I showed it some attention, too.

Em loved tea-cupping, and I found it fascinating. I never would have thought that a guy would like his sensitive parts treated this way. But it required care, and he was starting to buck. I released his nuts from my mouth, and moved my attention to his perineum.

My mate was practically incoherent with excitement by this point. But I wasn't finished with him. I appraised him silently while he begged me with his eyes. Then, I lunged down and penetrated him with my tongue. This elicited a high -pitched growl. I thrust my tongue in and out of him, taking breaks to swirl it around his perineum. Em was a goner. Totally.

Enough waiting. I pushed down his legs, levered myself off the floor and prepared to mount him. Suddenly, I was airborne. Apparently, we were going to make use of the back seat. My back came down hard on the cush... wait. What was that under me?

"Em, wait a sec. There's something weird under me." And it smelled strangely of people food. What the heck? Em knelt back and pulled me up.

"Oh, what the hell?" I demanded hotly. "I am gonna kill Esme." My backside was liberally coated with Bella's chocolate cake. Em reached behind me and shaved a huge handful off my back. He showed it to me.

"My car?!" I yelled. My mate started to giggle.

"It's not funny, Emmett!" I snarled.

"Oh, yeah, sweetheart. It's funny." Em took the cake and smeared it on my boobs.

"Emmett! Now I reek of human food. Ew!"

"Yeah, you look kinda ginchy though," he smirked.

I scooted back and sat up. Hey, that felt different.

"Em, would it be really sick if I said that the food felt kinda ... good?" I asked tentatively.

"Honey, you're sitting in a box of wedding cake."

"Yeah. I kinda like it."

"Then let's get out of the car and fool around with it. We don't want to wreck the leather any worse than it already is."

"Okay."

"You go wait in the trees over there, and I'll hide the car."

"Okay." I exited the car rapidly and ducked into the woods. Five minutes later, Em joined me, carting the smushed box of cake. He presented it with a flourish. I looked at him a little shyly. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

"Come on, Rosie. I know you want to get messy. You gonna splodge for me, lady?" Em took the cake and set it on a huge redwood stump. He peeled back the ruined box, revealing a whole lot of icky looking goo. I hated to admit that I was turned on.

"I never knew there was a name for this, Em," I said, a little warily.

"Sweetheart, there is a name for everything."

I looked hesitantly at the cake. This was definitely kinky.

"Come on, baby. It'll be fun. Just go for it. We'll get you all clean before we go home. Come on. Let's do it." Emmett steered me back and sat me down on the cake.

It felt amazing.

Emmett growled as I wiggled my butt into the cake. His eyes smouldered. I started rocking and grinding myself into the mess. "Yeah. Come on, Rose. That's it. Just let go and have fun." My mountain man grabbed my hips and watched me squirm in the mess.

"Yeah." Emmett reached between my legs and thumbed my clit. He stroked me, making more mess than ever. Then, He scooped up a handful of icing and started to paint me with it, all over. My breasts, neck and face were soon smeared with chocolate finger streaks. Em reached down and stole another handful, and decorated my hair. I decided I'd forgive him. I needed a bath anyway. I jiggled my clit as I writhed on the table-like stump. Em whispered his admiration and encouragement.

The only thing wrong with being painted with cake was that there was soon very little cake to splodge in. I looked under me, a little disappointed that there was not an endless supply. There was, however, something else to writhe against.

I pulled Emmett toward me and ran goopy fingers over those glorious abs. I rubbed my boobs against his stomach. Soon, Em was also a chocolate covered vampire. Ginchy. I pulled him down for a kiss, delighting in the dance of tongues, grinding myself against his body. Em groaned and trembled. How lovely he was when he made himself vulnerable. There was nobody in the world better than Emmett Wallace McCarty Cullen.

Growling, my mate pushed me down against the stump, hard. I raised both my legs and rested my knees against my chest. Em pushed my ankles up so that my straight legs were nearly parallel to my shoulders. Vampires could be quite flexible. And we never got tired. Maybe I shouldn't hate what I was. It sometimes came in very useful.

Emmett stroked himself, then thrust deeply into me, holding my legs. He set up a rhythm while I muttered and whimpered encouragement to him. He watched himself retreat and advance in and out of me. We were both getting covered in goo.

With a hiss, Emmett flipped me over and arranged me doggie style. Again, he pushed deeply into me. I moaned. However, I was a little high for practicality. Em dragged me off the stump and bent me over, facing away from him. I braced my hands against the tree. Em thrust into me again, grunting.

He was now striking my g-spot at the perfect angle. My eyes rolled back in my head as he banged me, hard. Em held my hips against him, preventing me from bucking forward. He slammed into me over and over, making my icing-coated hair slap against my face. I made guttural noises and sang his name over and over.

A rumble started to build deep in my chest, that answered his dominant growling. "Harder, Emmett! Fuck me with that cake-covered monstrosity. Faster! Deeper! Emmett!"

As I screamed my lungs out, Emmett collapsed onto me with a powerful roar, emptying himself into me as I joined him in climax. His arm snaked around me and we half-fell against the stump, our breaths sawing out and in roughly, in harmony.

Em shifted his weight onto one knee so I was no longer pinned. I slid down the side of the stump and flipped over to sit, leaning against it. Emmett's tender eyes drank me in, as I sprawled there, panting. "You are one ginchy chick, Rosalie Lillian," he murmured amidst soft kisses. He was trying to avoid licking the cake.

"Well, that was new," I remarked.

"We are going to have to buy cake on a regular basis," Em declared.

"I'm up for that, Big Bear. But how are we going to get clean? We can't go home like this." I indicated our encrusted bodies. The goo was starting to dry onto our skin, and I had no idea how we were going to get it off.

"Are you up for a race to the hot spring? The one you girls kept secret from us?" Em suggested with a smirk.

"You're on, Emmy. Last one there's a rotten egg!" I jumped up, already running, and laughed as I heard him far behind, yelling, "No fair! You're cheating!"

"You'll have to catch me and punish me then. Won't you?" I shrieked. Life with Emmett? It was a dance of joy.

**Review. Then join Em for the next chapter. If you review, you will receive a private copy of Edward and Bella's voicemail message.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Em's Happy Dance**

**Caution: Lemons**

**The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just messing with Em and Rose for the fun of it. I'll give them back when, um, they're finished. If they're ever finished.**

**Music belongs to its respective owners, and can be found on my channel: wwwdotyoutube/jmollytwilight/**

**Playlist:**

**'I Melt' by Rascal Flatts **

**'Bridge Over Troubled Water', Elvis Presley's version**

"**A Midsummer Night's Dream,"ACT 3 scene 2, Puck's First Soliloquy, by William Shakespeare, belongs to its respective owners. It can be found easily by Googling it. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**This is the 2****nd**** of three chapters I'm posting today. Don't miss any:)**

**Review, and I'll send you a personal copy of Edward and Bella's voicemail message. Review anyway. It makes me write faster.**

**Emmett's pov:**

Rose shrieked as I chased her, laughing, deeper into the rainforest. She was such a cheater. It was tremendous, hearing her laugh. She'd been too stressed lately to play with me. I was glad Edward and Bella were en route. Everyone would get a holiday now.

We ran like the wind toward the Sol Duc. It was wonderfully liberating, whipping through the trees without a stitch of clothing. The moonlight caught Rose's nude figure as she sped along in front of me. I launched myself up, silently, into a great oak, somersaulting over its branches to land silently in front of my lady.

I hid behind a giant redwood and jumped out at her, yelling 'boo'. She screamed, throwing her arms in the air, which made her tits jiggle adorably, and ran around me, attempting to escape again. I caught up to her and gathered her into my embrace, swinging her in a circle. Damn if she wasn't still wearing the white running shoes. Ginchy woman.

I released my mate, and she laughed a giddy kiss into my mouth. I started to deepen it. Oh, crap! She was tickling me in a sensitive spot. I flinched. "You cheater! Stop trying to put one over on me and race fair!"

"Where's the fun in that. Come on, Emmett. You're not gonna let a girl beat you, are you?" Rose was backing up, getting closer and closer to the spring. I loved what her tits did when she hopped backward.

"It depends what the victor gets when they win," I admitted, brow arched.

"How 'bout a week in the country of their choice?" Rose suggested.

"Oh, now you're really fighting for keeps, honey. No cheating. Got it?"

"Whatever." Rose spun on her heel and disappeared into the night. Shit.

"Come back here, you rascal!" I demanded, picking up the pace.

I ran as fast as I could, realizing as I did so that it was a lost cause. Rose was too far ahead of me. Oh, well. A week's holiday anywhere with Rose would be a good thing. I slowed my pace, listening. I couldn't hear the tomato. Where the heck did she go?

I stepped into the little patch of forest that was home to the spring. Wait. The spring was empty. Where the heck was Rose? I looked around, using all my senses. All was quiet.

I stepped to the end of the spring, peering into it. Surely, she wasn't hiding under the water. I crept closer, frowning.

With a shriek of laughter, Rosalie landed on my back, and we tumbled head first into the spring. She sat on my back and rode me like a cowgirl as I tried to right myself. I came up spluttering with indignation.

"You little brat. I oughta spank you."

"Ooh. You big, bad vampire." My wife grinned irrepressibly. I was thrilled to see her so happy.

"Naughty girl. Your shoes are wet. Who wins?" I mock-frowned.

"We both do."

"Okay. Uh ... Greece?"

"Spain."

"Morocco."

"Ooh. Ginchy, Emmett. We haven't been there before."

"Morocco it is." I combed my fingers through Rose's hair, loosening the debris in it. We ran our palms down each others' skin, erasing the trails left by the cake. Beads of water shimmered on Rose's skin as the moon shone down upon us. The spring water was beautifully hot, enfolding us in its buoyant embrace.

I pulled Rose's grinning face up to kiss me. She bit my lip and sucked on it. How glad I was, that she took a shine to me all those years ago. My human life had never been this good. And when Rose was happy, it was just cause for dancing. I held her in my arms and danced her around in the water, humming Elvis tunes as she kissed me.

"Happy, Em?"

"You got that right, darling. I'm so honoured to be your man. I still don't understand why you picked me."

"I just wanted you, Em. Simple as that."

"I love you, Rosie."

"You'd better. I love you more."

"Tease. That's impossible."

"Okay, okay. It's a tie."

"Just as it should be, partner." I pushed Rose gently to the side of the spring, and kissed her affectionately down the side of her neck. She tipped her head and I sucked on the union of her throat and shoulder. There was an old scar there from my teeth. I explored it with my tongue. Rose ran her arms lightly down my back, and onto my ass. She massaged my skin. I crushed her closer and ground myself against her.

Rose sat on the edge of the spring and wrapped her legs around me. I lifted her and turned, so that I was sitting on the ground and she was on my lap. I brushed my lips over hers and she granted me entrance. I slipped into her vagina. I was home. I brushed back her golden hair, darkened with water, and scented of incense, sweet-grass and lemon. Rose held me tighter, deepened the kiss, and moved in synchronicity with me. I loved her gently. We took our time. There was nothing but her. We loved with our eyes locked. I was such a lucky sap.

Rose's back arched and she came for me, purring. I kept up my rhythm. I stood up, with her arms and legs melded to me, sheathed in her body. Complete in her embrace. I basked in her love. Beautiful Rosalie. The angel who wanted me. The refined lady, who married a carpenter. And she loved me. Completely. How lucky was that?

The moon came out from behind a cloud, rendering our forms blue. I smoothed my hands over my wife's iridescent skin, marvelling that she belonged to me. Our pace accelerated. Rosalie let go of my neck and allowed her body to fall back in a graceful arch. She put her hands to the ground, maintaining a bridge, while I pushed deeply into her and gave up torrents of jism. My mate followed me in orgasm. Then she did a graceful handstand and vaulted to standing. I swept her up and pulled her back down into the hot water.

"Emmett, you are so beautiful. You are exactly what I need."

I stopped, stunned. "Boy, you sure do know exactly what to say tonight, don't you? You're gonna make me cry, Rosie," I half-joked.

"There'd be nothing wrong with that, Em."

I was embarrassed. "Well, I know that, honey, but this is not the best time for tears," I smiled.

"Then tell me why you love being married to me, Emmett. Tell me."

"Man, you are reflective tonight. Wedding put a bee in your bonnet, huh? Don't you know?"

"I want you to say it. I'm so spoiled and temperamental sometimes. I don't know how you put up with me."

"You are adorable when you're cross. Which doesn't mean I wouldn't rather you were never cross with me." I eyed her meaningfully, and she smiled a little tight smile.

I evaluated Rose's demeanour. She seriously wanted some reassurance. Well, so did I. Best way to get some was to give it. "I love you when you're like this, with your limbs languid and your eyes on mine. I love watching you hunt, whether it's for dinner or a new outfit at the mall. I love you hand in hand with Alice, chattering about girlie stuff. I love you sprawled out on our bed, relaxing together. I love you playing video games with me. I love working on cars with you. I love you dancing to something ginchy. 'Course, you can make anything look ginchy. I love you when you do something surprising. I love you when you sit on my lap to watch a video. I love you when your laughter suddenly sparkles and your eyes light up the room. I love you when you go out in public with me. I even love you when you smack me upside the head."

Rose laughed. "Oh, Em. I'm sorry. I just can't help myself sometimes."

"Why do you love me, Rose?"

"What's not to love, Big Bear?"

"Come on! Share. I told you mine, now you tell me yours."

"Oh, alright. I love you when you say something direct, that nobody else has the guts to. I love your sunny disposition. I love your humour. I love the way you make love to me, like I'm the only thing in the world. I love you when we're sharing music, and you sing Elvis songs to me. I love that you accept me when I'm not behaving well. I love you when we're in the tub and you wash me. I love the way your body responds to mine. I love your laugh. I love it when you allow me to take care of you, and accept my affection. I love it when you read aloud to me. I love watching you work with your hands, making amazing things out of some old dead piece of wood. I love how you love and protect our family. I love it when you already know what I need, without me telling you. And I love how you make me feel about myself."

"Heaven help me, Rosalie. I think we should get married again, and have another honeymoon."

"Let's just skip to the honeymoon for now, Big Bear. The family's frazzled enough already."

"Okay. For now."

"Em? Will you let your hair grow? Longer hair for men is coming back into style. I love your curls."

"Sure, honey. If you like my curls, I'll wear my hair longer for you."

"Thank you, Emmett."

"Anything for you, love."

"Anything?"

"Darn tootin'. What do you want?" I laughed.

"Recite Puck to me? Again?"

"Oh. It's been a long time. I would love to recite Puck to you. That's a great idea."

"Really?"

"Really." I cleared my throat theatrically. Rose perked up and grinned excitedly at me.

" '_My mistress with a monster is in love.  
Near to her close and consecrated bower,  
While she was in her dull and sleeping hour,  
A crew of patches, rude mechanicals,  
That work for bread upon Athenian stalls,  
Were met together to rehearse a play  
Intended for great Theseus' nuptial day.  
The shallowest thickskin of that barren sort  
Who Pyramus presented in their sport,  
Forsook his scene and enter'd in a brake;  
When I did him at this advantage take,  
An ass's nowl I fixed on his head;  
Anon, his Thisbe must be answered,  
And forth my mimic comes. When they him spy,  
As wild geese that the creeping fowler eye,  
Or russet-pated choughs, many in sort,  
Rising and cawing at the gun's report,  
Sever themselves and madly sweep the sky,  
So at his sight away his fellows fly:  
And at our stamp here, o'er and o'er one falls;  
He murder cries, and help from Athens calls.  
Their sense thus weak, lost with their fears, thus strong,  
Made senseless things begin to do them wrong;  
For briers and thorns at their apparel snatch;  
Some sleeves, some hats: from yielders all things catch.  
I led them on in this distracted fear,  
And left sweet Pyramus translated there:  
When in that moment,--so it came to pass,--  
Titania wak'd, and straightway lov'd an ass.'"_

Rosalie chuckled and clapped. I snuck a boo at her from under my lashes, and found her beaming at me. I beamed back. "Well, lovely Titania, did you like that?"

"Yes, thank you Em. Does that make you the ass?"

"Invariably. That's what everybody thinks of me, anyway." I smirked. "Don't worry about it. I don't. I know they all love me, even if they think I'm a hick. I can't help it if I like to say what I mean."

"You're not a hick, Emmett. They don't think that. Sometimes they just wish you were a little more tactful. Just watch your step with Bella when she gets back from the honeymoon. If she's a vampire when she gets home, she'll kick your behind if you tease her, and if she's not, Edward will do it for you."

"I've already been warned," I grinned. "Might be worth the pain just to get the reaction."

"You are a troublemaker, Emmy."

"But I'm cute. Good thing, huh?"

"Definitely. I suppose they're over Mexico by now." Rose's look was far away.

"Maybe. Did they take a connecting flight?"

"No. Edward said Bella sleeps well on planes, and he figured she'd be okay as long as they got up and walked around a little. Are you ready to walk back to the car?"

"Okay."

"Awfully long flight for a human," Rose worried, getting out of the water and wringing out her hair.

"Awfully long flight for a couple of horny virgins," I corrected her. "I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't make it to the island."

"Oh, there's no way he'll take her on the spur of the moment. He's had 90 years to think about this. Mr Perfectionist will want things 'just so'."

"Well, Mrs _Carpe Diem_ will want his thing as soon as possible," I leered.

"She won't win this one, Em. He's too stubborn."

"Your joshing me, right? All Bella ever has had to do is crook her little finger at him and he's come running."

"Not on this, Em. Edward won't budge. Trust me."

"Look, honey. The only barrier that's been left between them is a couple of inches inside her. They were almost united already."

"Em, it doesn't matter."

"Care to join a bet?"

"Oh, you and Jazz are _not _betting on this!"

"Nope."

"Good."

"Jazz, Carlisle, Esme, Tanya, Kate, Carmen, Eleazar and I are betting on this," I corrected.

"And who is on what side?" Rose demanded.

"Jazz, Eleazar, and Carlisle are on your side. Esme, Tanya, Kate and Carmen on mine."

"I'm the only odd man out? Fine! I'm betting he waits to have intercourse with her until they get to the island."

"Four against five. Good game."

"You are incorrigible, Emmett!

"But you love me anyway, sexy."

The sun was rising as we reached the short. Rose pulled our spare duds out of the trunk and we dressed hurriedly. "Time to go home and watch the fireworks," I chuckled.

"What do you mean, Em?"

"Rose, you did not see Edward's bathroom last night. It was a sight to behold. Water everywhere, unmentionable substances ... dripping, broken fixtures and tiles, and the smell? Holy Hannah."

"You're kidding!"

"No ma'am. And nobody has looked in the bedroom yet. I wanna be there for the show."

"Well, we'd better hurry then, Big Bear. Alice is gonna have a cow if that dress is in shreds." I flipped a Cd into the player and we listened to Elvis sing "Bridge Over Troubled Water".

"Em? Thanks for being my bridge."

"Rosalie? i wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for a terrific night. I loved dancing with you at the wedding. And I loved _loving_ you a lot more. And I loved our talk."

"Right back atcha, Emmy Bear. Now let's hurry before all the good seats are taken." Rose grinned, started the car and eased us back onto the highway. Then, she floored it back toward home.

**Reviews make me write faster:D Just click the little green button. Go on, you know you want to.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: Eye to Eye**

**All belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. Alice and Jasper are just too cool to leave in the crayon box. I want to colour outside the lines with them. Then, I'll put them back. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Jasper's slang can be found on alphadictionarydotcom/slang/1860s and 1870s**

**'The Enigma Variations: Nimrod', by Sir Edward Elgar, can be found on my playlist, youtubedotcom/jmollytwilight/ All music belongs to its respective owners.**

**This is the third chapter I'm posting today. Don't miss the other two.**

**Don't forget to read my parody, "Foreseen Events". It's your Christmas present.**

**Review. It makes me write faster, and I'm having trouble keeping my promise to finish this fic by Christmas:) Bella and Edward have left a voicemail for their callers. Review, and I'll let you read the message.**

**Jasper's pov:**

No sooner had we lit out in the Porsche than my mate squealed and demanded that I chew the rag.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale!" she said in a muddle of amusement and incredulity.

"Yes'm?"

"Tell me, you did not just put the dazzle on Charlie and Sue."

"Okay, Lis. I won't tell you."

"You are a very naughty vampire."

"Yes'm." I smirked crookedly. I popped one of my Cds into the player. Elgar. 'Nimrod'. Definitely an enigma.

"Explain yourself. There's a very good chance Bella's going to get a brother out of this."

"Oh? Good."

"Jazz!"

"Look, Alice. It's not like I made something out-a thin air. I wasn't monkeying, honest. I didn't change Charlie into a masher. I've got a nose for romance. I just gave them a little push, that's all."

"Jazz!"

"I promise you Lis, those two are mates. And they're both too introverted to get anywhere on their own before reaching old age. Everybody would be thanking me for it, if they knew. Please, let's not scrap about it."

"They're mates, huh?"

"Yeah. A real corker of a pair. Everything lines up."

"Oh." Lis' eyes zoned out for a second.

"You're right, Jazzy. They're going to be very happy together. But I don't know why, I can see Sue being immortal someday."

"What, a werewolf?"

"No. One of us."

"That just doesn't sound right, Lis. Is Charlie gonna plunk her or something?"

"I can't see him with the gun, Jazz. And she's still with him afterward."

"Well, strange possibilities like that are the reason humans weren't meant to run around with us."

"I guess not. But apparently they're going to be together."

"Don't tell Bella anything," I cautioned Lis.

"Why not?" she demanded.

"It's not your place. It's Charlie's. Catch on? He should be the one to tell his daughter what's going on in his life."

"Oh. Okay. They're kind of cute together."

"Yes, ma'am."

"She's nice looking."

"That she is. And she's a homebody. Just what Charlie needs."

"Bella will be able to stop worrying about him starving to death without her."

"Yeah, it should take a load of worry off her."

"How were they doing emotionally today, Jazz?"

"Bella and Edward? Aside from being wound up like springs and hornier than a couple of toads? Better than I expected. I think they'll be fine. Quite strongly confident, but mindful of each others' vulnerability at the same time. I was downright proud, seeing the way they handled Jacob and sorted themselves out. They've both grown up a lot in a month."

"Yeah. So much for vampires being fixated personalities. I've never seen anybody change so much in such a short period of time."

"Blame your sister-in-law. She's one of Carlisle's 'life changing events'."

"She's going to make a fascinating vampire."

"What do you See about that, Lis?"

"Aside from the fact that it's nearly a hundred percent probable, surprisingly little."

"What _do _you See?"

"I promised the bluenose I wouldn't dish about the honeymoon," Alice admitted.

"That's not what I meant. How do you See her, as a vampire?"

"Well, I have three reoccurring visions, one of which is recent and makes no sense."

"Dish."

"In the first one, they're playing tag through the treetops. I think they're hunting. She bushwhacks him and pushes him down for a kiss. They're both laughing. Her eyes are red, and his are burgundy."

"Fairly soon, then."

"Yes, and it's virtually certain. In the next one, they're both wearing nice clothes, and they're racing through the rainforest together. They look peaceful and happy. Fulfilled. Both of them have gold eyes."

"That's a pretty future, Lis. Is it pretty much certain, too?"

"Yes."

"The third one upsets you. Why?"

"Well, I just can't understand how it could _be_. It doesn't fit. And I'm having it a lot. And it doesn't change."

"Sounds like something important, then. Care to try and fill me in?"

"It's weird. I just don't see how it could fit into what we know about them." My mate radiated anxiety.

"Alice? Getting frustrated over here."

"Okay, okay. I'll try to explain it ... It's kind of jumbled. Bella is still human. I think they're in the house on the island. In what I assume is the first part, Edward is holding her head while she vomits. She complains about 'damn rancid chicken'."

"She's ill?"

"Very ill."

"Then what?"

"That's when the order of things gets confused. I only get snippets of her near future. They're always the same, but they aren't in the same sequence. Some are simply incomprehensible. One is scary."

"And they don't change."

"No. They're virtually certain." Alice whispered this. I grasped her hand. I pulled into our private road and parked near the entrance. I folded my right leg under me and watched Alice.

"In what I assume is the first bit, Edward and Bella are sitting on the floor. Edward is talking on the phone, and his eyes are shining. He says, 'We're listening, Grandmother'. After a pause, he says 'radiant' and he and Bella smile at each other. Then, it goes black."

I frowned. "What's the next bit?"

"It's blurry, and I can't see their faces, but it's Edward's voice. They're lying in bed. The sun is coming in the French doors. He's spooned up behind Bella, and she takes his hand and moves it across her stomach. He says, 'oh' like he's surprised."

"That's all?"

"I haven't gotten to the upsetting bit yet. Bella's screaming and she looks terrible. Edward has blood on his face, like splatter. And he looks like hell. I'm in the background, trying to phone Carlisle, and I'm frantic."

"I can see why you're upset. And it's not because he's bitten her?"

"No, I can see her neck and hands. There are no bite marks." Lis bit her bottom lip. I felt and shared her mounting fear. I sent out a wave of tranquillity, stifling it.

"Thanks."

"Anytime, love. Is there anything else?"

"Well, there's one more thing, and I think it's related. But it doesn't make any sense."

"Dying of frustration, here, Lis. Spit it out."

"I get the feeling it's not in the near future. The clothing is cut in an unusual way. Not in a style I've seen before.

"There's a big log house. Edward and Bella are standing inside the door. She's a vampire. A teenage human girl is next to them. Bella is holding her hand. The girl has curly auburn hair and brown eyes. Jacob is standing outside the door. He takes the girl's hand and Edward scowls at him. _Scowls_. There's no other word for it. Jacob says they'll be back by curfew. Edward nods and says that they had better be. Jacob hoists the girl up on his back and they run away. Edward and Bella look after them. Then, Bella says, 'Overprotective, much?' I don't understand it."

I clamped my hand over my mouth and shut my eyes.

"Jazz! What is it?"

I couldn't help myself. A silent laugh started in my belly and worked its way out.

"Jazz?"

The laugh built in volume. Soon, I was laughing extremely loudly. Lis was getting a little miffed.

"I can't believe you don't understand this," I choked.

"Enlighten me. What's the tickle?"

"Oh, don't be vexed. Oh, Lis!" The laugh took over again. I keeled over against the seat, clutching my middle.

"What's so funny?" Lis demanded. That only made things worse. I leaned over to Lis and grabbed her upper arms. Trying to put on a serious face , I looked into her eyes. I tried, and failed, for 'solemn'. It just wouldn't work. My mouth twitched as I tried to get out the words.

"You really don't get it, do you?"

"NO. What?!"

"She's in the motherly way."

"Who? The human girl? I don't think so, Jazz." Alice looked very confused.

"No. Not her. Bella." The laughter took over again.

Lis looked at me, thunderstruck. "Impossible."

"Incubus. Son of a bitch!" I slapped my leg, getting hysterical. Lis was getting cross.

"Come on! It can't be. You aren't serious," she argued.

I decided I'd better be a nice vampire husband and not offend my wife. I took Lis' hand and patted it. "Dearest heart, I know you don't remember your human life, and the only real exposure you've had to carrying women is on TV. I'm from a big family. I had 2 older sisters, who were married when I left to fight in the war. One had a baby and was carrying her second, and the other was carrying her first. And I had a pile of siblings younger than me. Trust me, Bella is ... pregnant. Or will be."

"Jazz!"

"She's sick. And when they're on the tube they call Esme Grandmother. Then Bella moves Edward's hand on her stomach and he is surprised because he feels the baby move, Lis. It is obviously not an easy delivery. And then, years later, Jacob comes to take our niece out courting. Oh, I hope I am a fly on the wall that day! Oh, Lis. What fun this is going to be!"

"Our niece," Lis repeated, stunned.

"Is she beautiful?" I demanded.

"Gorgeous."

"Come on! Let's go tell everybody!" I reached to turn the engine on. My mate's hand stayed my arm.

"No. Not yet."

"Why not? This is unbelievable news. Just think how happy everyone will be."

"Just think how devastated they'll be if it doesn't happen. You trust my Sight too much. Best keep it quiet, Jasper."

"Well, you should at least tell Carlisle. He'll need to know."

"Okay. Agreed." Lis looked thoughtful.

"Let's get home, Auntie."

"Auntie... _Hey,_ I'd better get shopping. This girl will need clothes. Oh, and so will Bella." Miss Perky was back.

"Now, who's getting ahead of herself? Window shop or buy online. The cat will be out of the bag if you bring cartloads of pink baby duds into the house."

"You're right."

"And maybe you should get some blue stuff in case the baby changes its mind about being a girl."

"It won't. And _you're_ now out of any bets."

"Aw, dang! Oh, well. I got to be the first to know. That's pretty spankin' fine!" I hit the door opener and drove into our spot in the garage. We were both grinning like idiots. A baby in the house. After all these years ... Wow. Trust Edward to pull a fast one.

A wall of lust hit me and I stopped dead in my tracks. Lis did likewise. Our smiles disappeared like somebody had wiped them off.

"Our parents are in their lair. Now, I need to go bleach my brain. Edward was right," Lis murmured, wrinkling her nose.

"Yup." I felt a stirring in my loins. "Let's just grab a few things and clear out. You can tell Carlisle about his grandkid tomorrow."

"Yay. He'll be knocked for a loop. Let's hurry and get out of here."

"You gonna look in Edward's room first? See if he really left a mess for you to deal with?"

"Not tonight. It'll ruin the whole night."

"So they did leave it a mess, then?"

"I don't know."

"You don't _know_?"

"Edward forgot to make a decision about it. He was too preoccupied. He didn't think about his room once all night. Neither did Bella."

"Too busy thinking about making a baby, I expect," I smirked.

"Maybe." Lis murmured.

"Okay. Let's go. In and out, as fast as possible. Pun intended. Alright if we take the Ducati?"

"Sure. Where are we going, Jazz?"

"What are you up for?"

"I'm in a mood. Must be all this procreating going on. Not much point going to a hotel. We'd have to be too quiet. Why don't we just go out into the rainforest?"

"Sure. Lis? Bring the toys."

"Wear the collar."

"Oh, yeah. Grr."

**Don't worry. Jazz and Lis will get busy in the next chapter. Maybe we'll even find out about the mess... What kind of mess do you think they'll find? Or did Edward take pity on his family and tidy up? Review.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: Electric Horse**

**Caution: Lemons of the Hard variety. I thought it would be fun to be a voyeur on some inhuman, hot vampire lovin'. There are things in this chapter that humans just should not try. Period. They could do a human serious injury. Kindly use your common sense. You are valuable. Men are not as flexible or as durable as vamps, and certain body parts are breakable. In addition, please remember what I said about vampire vs human hygiene.**

**All belongs to Summit and Stephenie Meyer. I'm just wrecking her peeps' reputations.**

**I've chosen the Ducati 749S as Jasper's bike. It's not the same motorcycle as the one on Stephenie's website. That model actually only came out in 2007, and as we know, it's 2005 in my story. I know Edward has an 'in' with somebody in the business, who obtains vehicles early, but I think he'd want to know that the model of bike he chose to ride with Bella had some road cred. He wouldn't want to drive anything untried next to her, in case it were defective. Safety first, that's our vampire.**

**Ducati 749S specs are from wwwdotmotorcyclenewsdotcom.**

**Hurricane Ridge, Washington information is available on tripadvisordotcom.**

**'Song of the Jellicles' is from 'Old Possum's Book for Practical Cats", by T.S. Eliot. It belongs to its respective owners. It can be found at wwwdotlearn-english-networkdotorg/poetry**

**You can find the musical version, "Invitation to the Jellicle Ball', by Andrew Lloyd Webber, which also belongs to its respective owners, on my channel: youtubedotcom/jmollytwilight/**

**'Bonnie Bell' (1860), a ballad by Thomas Spencer Lloyd, belongs to its respective owners. Lyrics and an audio file may be found at pdmusicdotorg/1860s/60bbdotmid**

**It's December 22nd. I should be prepping for Christmas. Do you know how many hours I've lavished on this chapter? Twenty-four. Research, research, research... Do you love Jazz and Lis? Review. Please :D**

_Jellicle Cats come out to-night  
Jellicle Cats come one come all:  
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright -  
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball. _

_Jellicle Cats are black and white,  
Jellicle Cats are rather small;  
Jellicle Cats are merry and bright,  
And pleasant to hear when they caterwaul.  
Jellicle Cats have cheerful faces,  
Jellicle Cats have bright black eyes;  
They like to practise their airs and graces  
And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise. _

_Jellicle Cats develop slowly,  
Jellicle Cats are not too big;  
Jellicle Cats are roly-poly,  
They know how to dance a gavotte and a jig.  
Until the Jellicle Moon appears  
They make their toilette and take their repose:  
Jellicle Cats wash behind their ears,  
Jellicles dry between their toes. _

_Jellicle Cats are white and black,  
__Jellicle Cats are of moderate size;  
Jellicles jump like a jumping-jack,  
Jellicle Cats have moonlit eyes.  
They're quiet enough in the morning hours,  
They're quiet enough in the afternoon,_  
_Reserving their terpsichorean powers  
To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon. _

_Jellicle Cats are black and white,  
Jellicle Cats (as I said) are small;  
If it happens to be a stormy night  
They will practise a caper or two in the hall.  
If it happens the sun is shining bright  
You would say they had nothing to do at all:  
They are resting and saving themselves to be right  
For the Jellicle Moon and the Jellicle Ball._

**Alice's pov:**

Jasper was still laughing as we headed for the garage.

"Do you know what Edward did tonight?" he chuckled.

"Which thing is so amusing? There were a lot of things he did that were funny. At least for us," I amended.

"Em and I were talking to him about whether, you know, he was ready. He stared at Bella for a full minute without answering us, and then he drank some of the iced tea he'd fetched for her."

"You're kidding! That's pretty funny."

"What's your Edward anecdote for the evening?"

"Did you see Carlisle slap him on the butt?"

"Yeah, I saw that. Good thing we have superb reflexes, or Bella would probably be in the hospital right now. What else?" Jasper popped the Ducati's saddle bag and stowed a black cloth bag inside.

"Tanya hinted that she'd like to dance three times before he even heard her," I laughed.

"That's rich. But the best was that he danced with Jessica Stanley."

"He said she behaved herself," I said, surprised.

"Then he was totally out of it. Don't suppose he even looked or listened to her while they danced."

"Why?"

"She licked her teeth and gave him the eye." Jasper looked at me from under his lashes.

"No way!"

"Yes way. We're talking Jessica here. And you didn't feel the lust coming off her. Think she figured she could get him to have a last hurrah."

"And he was oblivious? Too funny."

"Yeah, he was totally focused on something else all day." Jasper swung his black-jeaned leg over the silver Ducati. He pursed his lips with twinkling eyes. I let my eyes travel down and rest on his rather obvious bulge.

"Not unlike his brother-in-law, then."

"Mmm." Jazz gave me the once over. "He definitely isn't a bluenose after all."

"I think he proved that all day. He really has just been waiting for the right girl."

"Bella's a peach."

"Adorable. I'm so glad she didn't give up. Had she not been so persistent, life would be much sadder now."

"For sure. She's raised the bar on everything. Are you coming, Jelli?" Jazz revved the Ducati into life.

"Alright Jazzy. Hold yer horses and I'll shut the gate behind you."

Jazz nodded, released the kickstand and backed the Ducati out of the garage, eyeing me the entire time. I pushed the button for the garage door and skipped out to the bike. Jazz reached back and put his hand on my thigh as I hopped up behind him and threaded my arms around his hips. He seemed happy to find my leg bare. The short knit dress I was wearing hitched itself up most indecently.

The moon caught his yellow hair as Jazz steered the bike into position. The Testastretta motor thrummed under us as Jazz accelerated down the drive. My swollen labia throbbed with need. I rubbed my hard nipples against my mate's back. The wind whipped our hair behind us, and I breathed in Jasper's intoxicating, masculine scent.

Forty-five seconds later, we were turning out onto the main road. Twenty minutes later, we were leaving Port Angeles and hurtling 17 miles up a winding paved road toward Hurricane Ridge. Near the end of the journey, we drove through a patch of fog that made me feel as though we were ascending into heaven.

The glaciers and mountain range were breathtaking as always, and the moon sparkled on the waters of the Strait of Juan de Fuca. Jasper killed the engine as we neared the Visitor's Center. He didn't want to alert any overnight caretakers to our presence.

We walked beside the bike, down the hill outside the Center, until it became too steep to steer it safely. Then, Jazz hoisted the 380 pound machine into his arms and nimbly finished his descent. He parked the Ducati under some evergreens. To mark the spot for our return, he removed his black t-shirt and climbed a tree, tying it around the top of the trunk.

Jumping down, Jasper removed his boots. I had already stowed mine in the saddle bag. Jazz took my hand. He retrieved his black bag. I had my own bag of tricks: a little brown canvas knapsack that was easy to carry as I hung onto the back of the bike. I accepted my mate's hand as we walked to the Big Meadow. The lupines and avalanche lilies were fragrant in the night air. We trailed our fingers along the tops of the flowers, enjoying the peaceful surroundings. Jasper pulled me into his arms, crooning a ballad from his first life:

_Like two rosebuds crush'd in snow_ _Are the cheeks of Bonnie Bell._

_Like the violets that grow_ _'Mong the daisies in the dell_

_Are her eyes-- the stars of night._ _Ne'er a mortal heart did swell_

_With such pure and fond delight,_ _As the eyes of Bonnie, Bonnie Bell._ _Bonnie Bell, Bonnie Bell,_

_As the eyes of Bonnie Bell._

_Music trembles on the lip_ _Of the fairy Bonnie Bell;_

_Oh! I'd give such sweets to sip,_ _Wealth that Croesus ne'er could tell,_

_I would coin my brain and soul,_ _Could the mintage buy a spell,_

_That would waft me to my goal--_ _Waft and win me Bonnie, Bonnie Bell,_ _Bonnie Bell, Bonnie Bell,_

_Waft and win me Bonnie, Bonnie Bell._

_As the sound of silver fine_ _Is the voice of Bonnie Bell,_

_Wit, like bubbles on the wine,_ _Pure as pearls in ocean shell,_

_Sparkle thro' her golden theme;_ _Joyful as a marriage bell,_

_I could glide down life's stream_ _In one boat with Bonnie, Bonnie Bell,_

_I could glide 'down life's stream_ _In one boat with Bonnie, Bonnie Bell._

"Mister Whitlock! You are taking liberties, sir, dancing with a lady unchaperoned, in the moonlight, with a hand on her nether regions," I teased, batting my eyelashes.

"Yes'm. But I must point out that we are married, and I can do with you whatever I wish," Jasper whispered in my ear, velvet on granite.

"You are a naughty, naughty vampire, aren't you?"

"I thought I was exceptionally good, actually," he smirked as he licked my earlobe.

"Well, there's good, and there's good, my dear. Perhaps you're naughty and good at the same time." I sniffed my mate. He smelled of hickory, sweet grass and lemon. I nuzzled my face against his chest.

"That'd suit me, ma'am." Jasper bent his 6'3" frame down to brush his lips against my cheekbones and mouth. "Then, I can take advantage of you, without conscience."

"Masher."

"Oh, come now. You know you like it. Don't play coy, Miss Alice."

"Don't take too many liberties, or I will have to punish you, Mr Whitlock."

"I do believe I shall earn a punishment, wife."

"You'll have to catch me first, husband!" I darted away from Jasper, giggling. He growled, standing with his arms folded, and watched me go. After a couple of minutes, he blurred into motion.

I flitted to the trees, scrambling up one as Jasper closed the distance behind me. He liked to play, but I wouldn't give him too hard a time catching me tonight. I shut my eyes and anticipated his next move, jumping to the next tree in the instant before he could grab me. Jazz sailed across the gap, just as I launched myself at the next tree.

I allowed the game to last 10 minutes, and we came out of the conifers overlooking the vast expanse of mountain range. The view from the top of my tree was exquisite. In the darkness, the greens and blues of the sleeping mountains were muted and soft.

Jazz caught me in the circle of his powerful arms, growling and laughing at the same time. I felt the purr build in my throat, and groaned with pleasure. I knew what was coming. "I win," my mate drawled, pushing up my cornflower blue skirt and caressing my backside.

Jasper groaned as he slid my black thong to one side, discovering me to be ready and waiting for him. I heard his fly unzip. He lifted my leg to a slightly higher branch, and took me swiftly from behind as I clung to the rough bark of the trunk. He thrust deeply into me as he moaned my name against my neck. His breath felt warm against it. One of Jasper's hands held us firmly to the tree, while the other travelled around to pinch and knead my breasts.

I purred into the darkness, staring at the vast expanse of stars. "Oh, Jasper. I think I win. Pound me with that big cock, my love. Let me grip you and squeeze you 'til we cum."

"Your pleasure is my delight, ma'am. You hold on tight now, and I'll oblige you." Jasper shifted his weight and the tree listed a little in response. I snatched at the wavering branches and held onto them firmly. Jasper gave me what I wanted. His hips slapped hard against my ass, and his balls smacked into my clit. He adjusted his position a couple of times.

The tree was not coping well with our activities. "Don't draw it out, we're breaking the tree," I grunted.

"I don't give a rat's backside about the tree. Cum for me, Jellicle!" Jasper's cock thrust over and over against my g-spot, melting my insides and drawing out the orgasm.

"Oh, God, Jasper!" I cried. The echo crashed out to the distant mountains. I shuddered and bucked.

"Yes, Lis. Cum for me. Only for me, my beloved," Jazz purred.

"Cum with me, Jazz. Cum with me. Now!" Jazz grunted and growled and with a great thrust, he came, pushing me higher on the tree. Then, he snarled at my neck, tickling with his breath, and I coyly ducked under his arm and dropped to the ground, 40 feet below.

Irritated, Jasper jumped after me, his black bag landing at our feet. But I wasn't planning to run. I drew Jasper's collar from the bag, and pushed him roughly against the tree, kissing him fiercely until our lips were bruised. While he was thus occupied, I buckled the collar and yanked down on the leash. My mate groaned and squeezed my ass, pressing his hard, slippery cock against my stomach. I backed up, threw down the backpack and skinned off my dress, showing off the black lace thong underneath. Jazz growled.

I reached for his bag. Inside, there was a bottle of lube and a strange object not much longer than my finger. It was shaped rather like a lava lamp, I thought, bemused. I Saw what it was for. It was intended for me. "I can _See _that I'll like this, Jazz, but what's it called?"

"I'm kinda bashful to say the name, Lis. It's a little coarse," he said sheepishly.

"Tell me after?"

"If I can get over it." Sometimes Jazz was so silly. He could forget himself and swear in front of me one minute, and go all 1860's in the next.

"Okay. Are you going to put it in me?"

"Yes ma'am." Jazz picked up the lube as I bent over and held onto the tree trunk. He swirled the pad of his thumb around on my anus, moaning. Then, he gently pushed the funny object in, and it stayed, held by its shape and prevented from disappearing by its base. "Don't worry, Lis. It can't get lost."

"I barely know it's there. Isn't it supposed to be pleasurable?"

"Just wait. I'll show you. Now what have you brought in that little pack, hmm?" Jazz rummaged in the pack and withdrew a suede strap-on harness with a long dildo attached. "Not your usual gun, I see. Where's the big one?"

"Not suitable for what I have in mind." I answered.

"I hope you didn't get this from Eleazar."

"There's no way on the planet I would ever talk about or accept sex-related gifts from Eleazar, my dear. No, I got it online."

"I'm intrigued." Jazz reached in the pack again. He looked bemused, withdrawing a long muddle of inch-wide black velvet ribbon. "What's this for? You're not trussing me up, are you?"

"Not in any way that will restrain you. Trust me."

"I do."

"Then why don't you come lean against the tree?"

"Maybe we should pick on another tree. We've stressed this one already."

"Okay. Look, this one's good. I need the branches at a certain height."

"How do you want me?"

"Let me get you ready first." I took the ribbon and placed the end, soft-side in, against Jazz's stiff cock. I wound it around the base a couple of times, then captured his balls in it. I wound it around his long shaft again, and passed it through his legs, pulling down hard. Finally, I tied the ribbon to the back of his collar. Not having to breathe had its advantages.

I donned the strap-on and retrieved the lube. "Now, Jazz, I want you to bend right over perpendicular to the ground, and lean your shoulder against the tree."

Jazz assumed the position. His swollen cock jutted out behind him in a most unnatural way. He groaned as I fondled him, applied lubricant and loosened him up. "Mary Alice, you are such a bad girl."

"I just know what you like, dearest. Now we will have to be careful not to break you. You'll have to keep pretty still."

"I'll try. You'll have to move if I get carried away."

"Yes sir. Don't get carried away too soon." I smirked and Jazz chuckled.

I grabbed a branch above me and lifted myself acrobatically into the air behind my husband, resting my bare feet against the front of his thighs. Carefully, I impaled myself on his cock. Then, ever so slowly, I pushed the flexible dildo into his ass. My mate's breath hitched. I retrieved the handle of the leash, pulling it taut. I brought my hand up to join my other one, hanging from the tree, and lowered my body 'til it was parallel to the ground. Then, I pressed my feet against Jazz's thighs, swinging my body against him, doing the work.

My southern gentleman was about to lose his mind, and we'd barely even started. "Holy sh-_ahem_, Lis! You're right on my prostate. Oh, mercy! You are such a seductress. Ride me. Bang me with your dildo. Be one with me!"

I growled and kept up my rhythm. Jazz did his best not to buck and thrust. Somehow, my lover reached his hand between his legs and caught hold of the strange object still buried in me. He grasped the base and moved it in and out slightly, mimicking my rhythm.

I lost my mind. I talked to God and I spouted gibberish and I told Jazz how good he was. My whole body was a jumble of conflicting electric pulses. My eyes rolled up in my head and I forgot everything but the sensation stemming from my new silicone pal. Jazz encouraged me to cum for him, grunting. Finally, with a great scream, I exploded, and my jizz ran down his legs. Jasper pulled the toy out.

Faster than lightning, my mate was gone. Opening my eyes, I saw him tear the collar from his neck and pull himself free of the binding ribbon. Jazz ran at me like a linebacker, lifting me out of the tree and crashing us into the first one we'd abused. Amazingly, it remained upright as Jazz took me forcefully against its trunk. I wrapped my legs around him. He pushed my hands over our heads and held them up. I stared into his burning, black eyes as he stared into mine. Growls and snarls ripped from us as we pushed each other to the brink. Spruce needles rained down on us. Screaming, I bit down hard on my mate's neck, and tasted venom. There would be a new bite mark amidst the myriad scars there.

I had a glimpse of it coming, but it wasn't soon enough to prepare myself. My snarling mate bit me back, and I felt the sting of his venom. I froze in shock. Never, once, had Jasper marked me permanently. He whimpered into my neck and his knees buckled. Jazz carried us to the ground, where I found myself on his shaky lap as he rocked us. "I'm sorry Lis," he moaned into my neck. "I hurt you." Jazz licked the wound he had inflicted, sealing it.

"No, no, Jazzy. Don't be sorry. I kind of ... _like _the idea of having your mark on me."

Jazz pulled up to examine my eyes, looking for deception. "Honestly, Jazz. It's okay. I'm not upset." My voice was all gravelly.

"It must sting dreadfully," he husked.

My hand moved unconsciously to my neck. "Jazzy, I just bit you, and I don't hear you complaining."

"No, but I'm not a soft, gentle creature like you. I'm used to it."

"It will pass. And I'll have your marks on me forever. I peeked up into his eyes, forcing him to look at me. Hey, love? I adore my present. That is probably the best cum I ever had."

"I thought you'd like it, Jelli. You get stimulation on both sides of the gee."

"We will be making use of that often," I growled, kissing him.

"Your wish is my command, Ma'am."

"Then I command you to take me back to the Ducati, and make more wild love to me on it."

"Yes ma'am." In the blink of an eye, we collected all our possessions. Jazz threw me over his shoulder and whipped back into the meadow. We surprised a herd ofchocolate brown black-tailed deer that was grazing there.

Jazz released me and we fell upon the deer, feasting. I watched Jazz's muscles ripple as he drained his animal dry. Yowling, I sank my teeth into my own deer. Hot blood ran down my throat, coating the scratches created by my screaming. My eyes rolled back in my head again as I thirstily sucked the life from my victim. The other animals were confused. They were abnormally tame animals, used to interacting with humans. They didn't know what to make of us. Jazz snared a large, young buck, and snapped its neck. With a growl, he cut through the tender flesh of its throat and slurped at its life force. I grabbed another animal and copied him.

The herbivores were panicking now. It didn't matter. All that mattered was the blood. Jazz and I ate two more fine specimens apiece before the deer organized themselves enough to flee. Nothing like a nice post-coital dinner to really top off the night.

Jazz and I collected the carcases and he gathered them up in his strong hands by the hoofs. I ran ahead, and tipped up a large tree, holding it tilted. Jasper lobbed the remnants of our meal into the hole, and helped me to stand the spruce back up. He tamped the dirt back down around it. We regarded each other affectionately. Jazz had a fleck of blood at the corner of his mouth. I kissed it off. His molten, yellow eyes gazed adoringly into mine.

Returning to the meadow, we retrieved our belongings, careful to leave nothing behind. We walked hand in hand back to the Ducati.

Jazz scrambled up the tree and retrieved his shirt. Then he started the engine, and I climbed onto his lap, facing him. My husband rubbed his glans along my slick labia, and slid inside, murmuring my name and flicking his tongue into my mouth. We necked while he loved me gently, with the Ducati's engine vibrating under us. "You smell of evergreen," Jazz murmured between kisses, " and I can see the stars reflected in your eyes." He kissed along my jaw, holding the back of my neck in one hand.

"You put them there," I stated, seeking out his lips. He returned my kiss with increasing ardour. Soon, we were flying toward yet another climax. We fell over the edge, and nearly toppled the Ducati in the process.

"Had enough, yet?" Jazz chuckled, looking at me with soft eyes from under his lashes.

"I never get enough of you, Jasper Whitlock. I'm gonna have to thank Edward again for giving you this bike. But we can't stay here forever. The humans will be here soon to see the sunrise. And I know Esme will want us home in the morning to help clean up."

"Better get started then. It's starting to get light." Jasper lifted me off his lap with a sigh. We bent to pick up our various items of clothing, and dressed ourselves. I tried to run my fingers through my matted, windswept hair, but gave up. It was all knots. I'd get my lover to wash them out later.

Jazz hoisted the Ducati over his shoulder again, and started the trek back up the incline. At the top, he set down his bike with a grunt. "Up is a lot harder than down," he admitted.

I put Jasper's black bag in my knapsack and swung my arms through it. Then, I mounted the bike behind him as he kicked it into gear.

Jasper did a couple of figure eights and wheelies in the parking lot while I squealed with delight. Then, he took the Ducati hurtling toward the edge of the embankment, spinning it sideways to a halt at the last possible minute. He hollered into the dark precipice beyond, "I love Mary Alice Hale!" The echo reverberated several times, and I giggled.

"And I love Jasper Whitlock Hale!" I screeched, laughing. We listened to the sound come back to us, thoroughly enjoying it.

"Woo hoo!" Jasper yelled, tossing his windswept yellow mane of hair, and I echoed him, and the echo echoed us.

Jasper accelerated hard, and I threw my hands up over my head, squeezing my mate's hips between my knees, and enjoying the taste of the mountain air whooshing past. Jasper and I left the lot laughing, with tires spinning and engine roaring, to barrel back down the winding road home.

**Aw, Jazz and Lis just couldn't make it home during the night to see what Edward and Bella left in store for them. But they'll find out in the next chapter. Do you think there's a mess? What will Alice say? Please review.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: A Fine Mess**

**Rated M for mature dialogue.**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. Except Fox Mulder, who belongs to Chris Carter. Sorry, Mulder's not here. I just referred to him. Maybe I'll put him in a fic later. I'll put all these characters back where I found them when I'm finished. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**The morning after the wedding.**

**Esme's pov:**

We casually assembled at first light, with the intention of restoring the house to its normal state. The kids were industriously dismantling the folding chairs and their linens, when Alice decided she had better do as she had promised: tidy up Edward's room. She walked up slowly and reluctantly, as though going to her execution. Jasper watched her solemnly.

A bloodcurdling cry of rage issued from upstairs, and the entire family levitated like a bomb had gone off. Emmett was laughing before he even took a step in the direction of his brother's room. He and Jasper high-fived one another. All bets were on.

I peeked around the top of the landing, sniffing. Merciful heavens. You could smell the ... a mile away. My jaw dropped.

"I can't believe they went through with it!" Alice lamented, gawping like a fish. "Perrin Bruyère! Armani ..." she cried, her eyes crinkling with pain.

"Ginchy," smirked Emmett.

"Emmett, do you know how much this gown is worth?!" Alice picked up the gown, which had been left in a heap on the carpet. It's unique and ..." Alice hesitated, sniffing the garment. Her mouth twitched. Then, surprising all of us, she lowered her arms, hugged the stained gown to herself, and laughed a full-bodied laugh.

Alice gestured around the room, pointing out various items that were noteworthy, and collapsed on Edward's couch. She looked under herself, and shrieked in shock. Again. She jumped up and examined the back of her pants. They were now wet, as was the couch. And not with water. Alice laughed hysterically. We looked at her, a little alarmed.

Rose was the first to recover. "Alice? Are you okay?" she asked solicitously.

"Yes. No. I mean yes. I'm fine. I'm gonna kill Edward and Bella. The brats! I never thought they had it in them. But who can fault them? They've been toeing the line too long. Way to go, Bella. Edward's totally been corrupted." Alice continued to chuckle madly.

Alice did a double take, and pointed to the sagging backrest of the couch. The wood had been crushed, and there were holes in the leather where inhuman fingers had obviously gripped and poked through on more than one occasion.

Jasper and Emmett walked around the room, inspecting the mess with as much attention and respect as though they were touring an art exhibit. They were obviously impressed with their brother.

Carlisle appeared behind me in the doorway. "Have you _seen _the bathroom?" he asked the room in general incredulously.

"Oh, yeah. Quite the surprise, wouldn't you say?" Emmett snickered.

Carlisle paused to think. "Not really," he reflected.

"You've always said it's the quiet ones," I said, bemused.

"It's always been about one option or the other: explode or implode," Carlisle mused. "Guess they chose the first option."

"I thought Tanya and her sisters were bad. Makes what they did to this room look amateur," Jasper stated.

The path of disarray started at my feet, mildly, with two damp bath robes. From there, there was a trail. Wedding clothes littered the floor from the doorway to the couch. They reeked of unmentionable substances, as did the carpet. Bella's garter belt was dangling limply from the shade of the floor lamp. Edward's underwear had been chucked on top of his high-end Denon Cd player. It was wet. Not with water. Bella's bra was on the curtain rod. Her wet stocking dangled down, stuck to the front of the LCD TV. I grimaced, retracting my lips from my teeth. Totally gross.

There were 9 soaking wet bath towels: 3 on the arm of the couch, 5 on the floor, and one spread out on a pillow on the bed. Near this towel, was a hairbrush. Rose chanced to look above the bed, and barked a laugh, pointing at the ceiling. Looked like Edward had taken a page from Fox Mulder, who threw pencils like darts to stick in the ceiling of his X-Files office. There were about a hundred hairpins stuck in our ceiling, like the bristly hairs of a metal hedgehog.

I looked back down and gasped. "Well, so much for the Egyptian cotton sheets," I said ruefully. There was a huge rip in the fitted sheet, and the top sheet was shredded. The rest of the bedding was on the floor. There was a bottle of flavoured oil tipped over in the bed. It had leaked everywhere, leaving a sodden, pink mess. Strawberry, I noted dully.

"I thought you said they weren't going to consummate the marriage 'til they got to the island," Jasper questioned Alice.

"They're not. I mean, they haven't. You may regret offering them the island, Esme," Alice said with raised brows. She looked at the dress she was still holding. "Well, at least they didn't break the buttons or tear the gown. It can be cleaned."

My eyes wandered to Edward's white shelves. Propped up against some 8 track tapes I saw his baby picture next to an antique button hook. I picked up the photo, marvelling.

"Just look at this. What a cute, innocent little munchkin he was. Whoever thought he'd grow up to be such a cheeky hellion?" I wondered.

"Only took him 80 years to come out of his shell," Carlisle snickered.

"Bella cracked him like an egg," Emmett intoned, waggling his eyebrows.

"Second childhood at a 105," Rosalie smirked, taking the photo from me to examine it.

"Did you guys see the message in the bathroom?" Jasper asked, peeking in the room again.

I decided it was time to have a look for myself. Alice, still chuckling in her throat, pushed past me to get there first. Another roar of laughter followed her entrance. She stood just within the doorway. I peered over her, and Rose came to stand beside me. We inspected the damage, gawking like witnesses of vandalism.

There was a message scrawled on the mirror in red lipstick. It was in Edward's hand, with Bella's signature tagged on at the end. Heaven knows how Edward kept it from Alice. Maybe he had written the note, and then waffled about leaving it there. It read:

_Payback: For 55 years of teasing. For 2 years of humiliation. For 2 years of interruptions. _

_To bossy sisters, brothers who give TMI, and parents who give sex talks to 105-year-old mind readers._

_Love, Edward and Bella. _

The message ended with a cartoon drawing of a cross-eyed man with frizzy hair and his tongue stuck out and a woman with a long ponytail. Her thumbs were stuck in her ears and fingers splayed out. The text was surrounded with smiley faces and big, coloured-in hearts. Two discarded lipstick tubes stood on the counter, broken and empty. Alice clapped and giggled and held her hands in front of her mouth as though she were praying.

"We'd better take pictures of all this," I said. "Nobody is ever going to believe it."

Twelve brightly coloured, oversize condoms had been inflated, and tied to the soap dish in the tub. The white, sparkly silicone dildos that the Denalis had given Bella were propped up like little soldiers around the back edge of the tub. They had been arranged symmetrically by size.

Emmett peered in, over my head. "Ooh! They added decorations since I saw it!" he exclaimed admiringly. Jasper peeked in over Rose's head, rubbernecking like a tourist.

Edward's tub, which had been left plugged, had overflowed onto the carpet, thanks to the dripping, folded-up pipe that once held a faucet. The tile around the pipe was broken. A sodden towel, left half-dangling in the tub, had helped to wick the water out onto the floor.

There was an Edward-shaped indent in the porcelain tile at the end of the tub,and some of the tiles, caulking, grout and drywall had fallen off into the water and onto the floor. The tub, itself, was dented at that end as though someone had sat there and crushed it. There were 5 long black claw marks on the outside of the tub, where fingernails had scratched off the enamel. The corner of the under-sink cabinet, which sat opposite the door and next to the tub wall, had a huge, hand-sized chunk gouged out of its front. The cupboard door dangled from one hinge.

The crushed faucet was sitting neatly on the counter.

Carlisle slipped past me into the room. It was thus that we discovered that the water in the carpet was an inch deep. We all chuckled. Carlisle looked at his feet, rolled his eyes at us ruefully, then splashed over to the toilet and flushed it. It overflowed onto his shoes. About a hundred condoms in pretty foil wrappers spilled out of it onto the floor.

"You might have known that would happen!" I admonished my mate, laughing. He ignored me, sighing.

Quickly, Carlisle ducked down to turn off the water valve. He opened the lid of the toilet and peered in. "Grey socks, and more condoms," he declared, grimacing. "Oh, and Bella's other stocking," he exclaimed, pulling it from the bowl with a snap. Water droplets splattered everywhere.

Inside the lid of the toilet seat there was a note written in black eye crayon. It read: _Dear Mom and Dad, I.O.U. A new bathroom. Thanks for the rubbers, Em. Like we need them! Forgive me, Esme. You always said, if you're going to do a job, do it thoroughly. __E._

I covered my mouth with my hand and snorted. He had me there.

Carlisle read the note aloud. Twice. A quiet chortle started in his throat. It spread, and soon he was laughing uproariously. He looked over my head at Emmett, who was howling, too, and at Jasper, who was looking simultaneously shocked, relieved and thankful that everyone was reacting with amusement and not anger. Soon, we were all screaming with laughter. My son had 'gotten' us, but good.

"We have been punked!" My husband declared, ushering us out into the hallway. Carlisle passed me to shake hands with his sons. He turned back and hugged me with dancing eyes.

"Nothing like a second rebellion," I laughed.

"And to think we always worried about him," Carlisle said, shaking his head.

"Now, he'd better worry about us," I declared.

Emmett crossed his arms and looked at me sternly. "Pay up!" he demanded. "You, too, Alice."

"What? We're the only ones who thought Edward would show mercy?" Alice protested, searching all our faces.

"You bet. They've been the brunt of our jokes for too long. Well, guess that shows us," Em chuckled.

I gave Em his dollar. Alice pouted as she handed over another one to him.

"Guess we'd better get to work," Carlisle grimaced.

"Not before we take pictures," I instructed. "Alice, get your camera."

Alice did as she was bid, and soon we all had her snapping pics of the various points of interest. She took several photos of the newly-weds' messages, knowing they would soon be wiped clean.

"I'll get the shop vac," Rose volunteered.

"I'll get the garbage bags and cleaning supplies," Jasper piped up.

"I'll do the laundry," I declared.

"I'll get the carpet steamer," Em decided.

"And I'll demolish the bathroom," Carlisle decided. "We'll have to call a contractor on Monday. Make sure you order the most expensive version of everything that needs replacing, Esme. We'll make Edward pay through the nose for his little joke."

"Agreed. But money means nothing to him ... Little punk needs a lesson. I've a mind to redecorate the cottage in pink."

"Too much work. Think of something else. We might as well move their belongings there today, though, as long as we're stripping the room," Carlisle suggested.

We bent to our tasks, still letting out the occasional chuckle and exclaiming over something or other. It was a lot of effort, but cleaning up the mess was all worthwhile when we imagined the delighted looks on Edward and Bella's cheeky faces as they plotted to pull their prank on us.

Edward and Bella: in love, conspiring to make us pay for all the embarrassing and irritating things we'd done to them. Two of them, against the world. Together forever. Just how it should be. Excellent.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21: The Phone Call**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. But 'Toasty Warm' belongs to me. Do not copy or use it without my written permission.**

**Toasty Warm Chapter 6 (Bedward's Lemon) is a finalist for the 2009 Twilight Awards, Best Lemon. Please vote, and read last year's great stories while you're there. Voting closes March 15/2010. Link to copy and paste into your browser: http://forum(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/forum/CuriosityKilled_The_Cat/69076/**

**Two days after the wedding.**

**Alice's pov:**

The sky was replete with orange and pink streaks. It was going to be a lovely day. Carlisle and Esme were lounging cheerfully in their robes, with newspapers, in the living room. Rosalie and Emmett had left for an early morning run, and Jasper and I were just descending from our lair.

The day previous had presented the expected stress and tedium, and Edward and Bella's colossal practical joke.

The scamps.

However, there were serious matters to be discussed, and there was no time like the present, since Rose was out of the house.

Jazz and I filed into the living room and sat opposite my parents. Carlisle looked up over the top of his paper when we failed to speak. He set his paper down.

"Uh-oh, Mother," he said. "I think our peaceful morning has come to an end." He regarded me seriously. "What's up, children? Spit it out."

"It's Bella," I said hesitantly.

"Oh, God! Is she dead?"Esme cried, panicking.

"No, no, no, no, no," I said, shaking my head vehemently and patting her hand reassuringly. "Nothing like that. They're both fine. All's going swimmingly."

Esme and Carlisle sank back on the couch. I wasn't sure how to say it without sounding like a lunatic. "Um, it's just that ..."

Jasper interjected, "Edward might ought to have made use of Em's prophylactics."

"Huh?" Carlisle fastened confused eyes on Jazz.

"Bella's pregnant," I blurted out. Carlisle gawped at me.

Carlisle and Esme looked at us incredulously. Then, they looked at each other and laughed. Esme beamed.

"Very funny, kids. Now what's the punchline?" my father demanded. He crossed his arms and put one foot up on his knee, and waited expectantly for a great story.

"No joke. She really is. Pregnant." I said solemnly.

Carlisle processed my words, then tried to answer. Nothing came out. He tried again. "She'd _never_ cheat on Edward."

"Of course not. It's his!" I exclaimed.

"But that's just a legend," he protested.

"Legends are often founded on truth," I declared. Carlisle frowned worriedly.

I zoned out, and zoned back, panicking. "Oh, no! You mustn't frighten him. He'll bite her now and the baby will not be able to develop or die. It will destroy her body like a cancer. You _must_ let everything progress naturally. The baby will be a wonderful part of our lives. It _must_ live!"

"A grandchild?" Esme questioned wonderingly.

"yes. A blessing to us all," Jasper said smugly. "Blasted incubus. Always has to show his brothers up," he chortled.

"They're calling today. We can't let on that we know," I warned. "They don't know yet."

"Incredible," Carlisle stated, shell-shocked.

"Yes," I agreed, "but it's going to happen."

"A grandchild!" Esme exclaimed, grinning.

"God works in mysterious ways," Carlisle mused.

"How do we tell Rose?" Esme asked fretfully.

"Don't tell her now. She will find out from them in a couple of weeks, and she will be happy. If you tell her now, it will be hard on her and things won't go as well," I predicted.

"Sufficient to the day are the troubles therein," Carlisle advised. "It's going to be an interesting phone call."

"Today's phone call will just be a normal chat. Two kids checking in while they're away from home," I stated.

"I don't mean that one. I mean the one where they tell us the news."

"_That's_ going to be a _great_ phone call," I promised, just as Rose and Em came through the door.

"Guess I have some research to do," Carlisle said, starting to get up.

The phone rang. Carlisle sat down again. All of us stared at it. Nobody picked up.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "What's wrong with you guys?" he demanded. Nobody answered him, so he picked up the phone.

"Hellooo? Cullen's House of Ill Repute," he joked. "Oh, hi, Edward. Big surprise. Having fun kiddo? Did Bella pop your man-cherry?" Emmett frowned and then laughed at whatever Edward had said to him. "I'm not sure that's physically possible, bro. Here, let me put you on speaker." Emmett punched the button, and we heard Edward and Bella whispering on the other end of the line.

"Hello, son," Carlisle said, breaking the silence.

"Hi Dad. Just wanted you to know everything's great down here, not that Alice hasn't already told you," Edward said happily.

"Hey! I've been good!" I protested.

"How's our daughter?" Esme asked.

"Still kicking. You won't get rid of me that easily," Bella laughed. "Thanks for letting us borrow your island, Esme. It's perfect."

"You're most welcome, Bella. But you two had better not treat it in the manner you treated Edward's room," Esme warned.

Cacophonous laughter met this remark, and we all chuckled along with our brother and his mate.

"Listen!" Emmett commanded. "_Two_ bears choking!"

"Are we in trouble?" Bella demanded through her laughter.

"Heaps!" Carlisle smirked. Bella _was_ in trouble, technically. But everything would work out well in the end.

"Oh, we just couldn't resist. Bella incorriged me, uh, _encouraged_ me." Edward giggled.

"Hey!" she yelled playfully. We heard a slight scuffle. Then it sounded like they kissed.

"It's okay, we deserved it," I admitted. "But don't you two get cocky. Next time you try it, we'll get you but good.

"Truce," Edward declared.

"Not on your life!" Esme declared loudly.

"Ooh, I'm frightened, Mommy!" Edward said mockingly.

"You should be. I'm redecorating at your expense, using the gaudiest materials I can find," Esme warned.

"Ouch. Bella? Protect me."

"So what are your plans for the day?" Carlisle asked.

"You don't ask them_ that_! Jasper protested. "Too much information, Carlisle!"

"Oh, we're just going to go out and soak up some sun," Edward said dismissively. "I'll show Bella around another day. She's still really tired. Too much wedding stress, Alice!"

"Oh, sure. Blame me." I rolled my eyes. I wasn't about to explain to him why Bella was tired. I wanted my niece and my new sister to be healthy and, eventually, immortal.

"Make sure you show Bella the parrots, Edward. They're so cute!" Rose ordered.

"Okay, Rosalie. Well folks, I think we'll say goodbye. We just wanted to make sure you were still speaking to us."

"_Barely_, son. I'd watch your back when you get home if I were you. Mother is going to make you pay."

"Forgive me, Mom. Please? I couldn't resist."

"No. But I still love you. It's a good thing you're cute, Edward, and that you married my favourite human. Now you take care of her, and both of you behave yourselves."

"Yes, ma'am!" Edward promised.

"Nicely!" Esme ordered.

"Yes, Mother!" they chorused.

"We love you," Bella reminded us. We all answered her back.

Yes, Bella, we all love you. Be well. Be safe.

After a torrent of 'goodbyes', Edward made to hang up the phone.

"Edward?" Jasper yelled at the last possible second.

"Yes, Jazz?" Edward asked curiously.

"Have a nice nap." Jazz disconnected the line before Edward could finish saying "_What?!_"

We all looked at my husband, and dissolved in laughter.

I picked up the phone and dialled it. Everyone looked at me curiously. "Hello, Billy? It's Alice Hale. Is Jacob alright?"

"Oh, hello Alice. Jacob is .. as well as can be expected. He's behaving himself, and following orders. I think he's sorry for what he did," Billy reported.

"My family will be glad to hear it. I just wanted you to know that we just spoke to Bella and Edward. They are fine. They seem very happy. I thought Jacob would want to know that she's safe and well."

There was a small pause. Billy exhaled in relief. "It was mighty nice of you to let me know. Thanks very much, Alice. I'll be sure and pass the news along."

"Okay, Billy."

"Thank your family for me. Especially Edward. He's ... a good person."

"Yes, he is. Thank you, Billy. You take care now."

"I will. Goodbye, Alice."

"Bye, Billy." I hung up the phone. My family was staring.

"They really are fine, then? Both of them?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes. Honest. He didn't hurt her. Unless you count the venom, he never will." I stated firmly.

"Amazing love story, isn't it?" Esme murmured sentimentally.

"The best," Rosalie confirmed, smiling. I smiled back at her.

Yes, a most amazing love story. And it was only beginning...

**The End.**

**Put me on Author Alert, because the honeymoon fic is coming soon. It's called "I Hunger For Your Touch". And if you liked this story, please, pretty please, review. It's Christmas and I'd like to hear from you.**


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